Walking on my path

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Pilgrim, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    I can relate to what you say about the tension building up in you. Although prostitutes are definitely real persons, there's no real love involved. Don't you think there are different ways to masturbate? Maybe there is a way to masturbate on a specific time (every two weeks or so) without fantasizing, only feeling? Or do you think this is wishful thinking?

    If this could relieve some tension without slowing down the process, this might be better then visiting prostitutes. But I might very well be wrong...
  2. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 76

    Hi, Make & Steffy

    I really thank you both for your comments.

    Talking about the possibilite of visiting prostitutes and recognizing and accepting my condition now helped me a lot.

    I dont know if I am going to visit a prostitute or not.

    But the effect of being honest with myself and dont denying the possibility make me feel less tense.

    And also helped me to separate this two sides of the addiction: PMO & real sex with prostitutes.

    I read your wise words and I will meditate about what you said and what I feel.

    The good new is that I am feeling better and everyday more far from porn.

    And after all being so horny is a good sign...

    step by step
  3. fullset

    fullset Member

    Hey Pilgrim,

    I think you are right - you have to accept the reality of your situation and your body. I agree that visiting a prostitute is a better option than PMOing. Although it must be absolutely the last option. Other than that you're doing good. I'm glad to read that.

    But as always, keep your guard up. I relapsed after >100 days and recently another user 'thebeg' relapsed after 118 days. Unfortunately, this addiction is always going to be there and so it requires us to be vigilant at all times. Beware of the 'fuck it' voice that gets in your head.
  4. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    Hi Pilgrim,
    It sounds like you are more than ready for real sex. Have you attempted to approach and make a connection with real women in social situations? Prostitution is of course the other option.
  5. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 77

    Thanks, Fullset and I am a man!

    I am a man: since I met my wife again I have very good real sex. I also tried sex without orgasm. And I like her and se is very good with her. This is not my problem. The problem was that I am facing many changes in my life and I am feeling a big tension inside of me and so I am needing more sex. And after quiting porn and masturbation it seems that a lot of sexual energy is coming day after day.
    And a big part of the tension comes from my wife and me are trying to reconstruct our marriage after being separated for many months.
    It is great that we are giving us a chance.
    But at the same time she was puting a presion on me to take decisions about our relationship that I am simply not ready to take.
    Last weekend I talked very openly with her about my situation, and how I am doing to be far from porn and also how I am feeling about living in the city where we live and that I want to move.
    And this conversation was very good.
    And it also helped me a lot to write here about the posibility of visiting a prostitute.
    It doesnt mean I am going to do that.
    Just recognizing and accepting the posibilty is better than denying it.

    Fullset: I understand perfectly what you said. Addiction is forever and as fast as we understand and accept it, the better to help on our processes.
    I feel very well being far from porn.
    And I probabbly will need to visit a prostitute. May be not.
    But I feel much better when I think on that option instead of porn.
    And I really learned a lot about sex and about women visiting prostitutes. Some prostitutes are really excellent professional and they know a lot about sex.
    It demands just to know how to find the good ones.
    If you go with a bad prostitute, one that is not happy with her profesion, so you will probably will have a bad experience.
    And it is necessary to understand that it is a professional meeting and it is just about sex, it is not love, no affection.

    And I agree that must be my last option.

    Thanks again!

    It is step by step
  6. I-AM-A-MAN

    I-AM-A-MAN I Vow to Never Take Another Peek

    OK, I understand now. You are at a very strange stage in re-boot right now. at the cross-roads if you will. I hope you and the wife figure it out and you make the right choice where to move.

    good luck man, you have come very far.
  7. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member

    Hiya Pil,

    I was thinking about you, I thought I'd nip in and see what you've been up to. You're doing smashing stuff mate! Never easy those sentimental journeys, but going through those hurly burlies make you stronger - in your case you've become a rock.

    Well done indeed, yet for the prostitute think carefully before screwing up your great work. It may help it may not, that's really personal.
    Silly question that you may have answered already but have you talked the matter over with your wife? What does she make of you visiting a prostitute?

    Obviously this may seem irrelevant so please forgive me if I'm a little clumsy in what I ask.

    Other than that you seem to be doing great so my advice would be to keep it on a high!
  8. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 79

    Hi, I am a man and Steffy!

    Thank you very much for your words and advices.

    This week is being very calm and relax.

    After talking with my wife last weekend and then posting here , I felt much better.

    I talked to her very openly about how is important for me to be concentrated on my healing process from porn and how I was feeling tense about the pression she was putting over me to take a decision on our relationship.
    I explained her that I love her but we are trying ro reconstruct our relationship.
    So I feel is better to do it slowly, step by step, day after day.
    No hurry, no long term plans by now.
    Let it happen naturally.
    If we are going to stay together or not depends on enjoying being together.

    This conversation was really good.
    I felt very well with myself.

    And, Steffy, I talked to her about prostitutes also. I just told her that if I feel really bad my choice would be a prostitute instead of watching porn. She listened to me in silent and didnt say anything.
    I felt she realized how the addiction is strong.

    Then I posted here about the prostitutes issue.
    POsting here, no hiding this for me and recognizing that this possibilty is real, it also make me feel more calm.

    Actually, I had not thinking on prostitutes last days.

    I am feeling so good when I realize the journey I am doing far from porn.

    Life it s amazing with all the time and energy we have available far from porn.

    I know I need to be vigilant and aware for ever.

    For ever.

    I need to remind that: the addiction will be there for ever.

    And so, the best thing to do is not fighting, be friend of it.

    And use all this huge power to help me to do other things in my life.

    And there is something else I am feeling about the addiction. It is something very strange.

    But I m feeling: I have gratitude about the addiction.

    I came here thanks to it.

    And I am doing this amazing journey inside of me thanks to it.

    I have been reading about Aikido ( a Japanese martial art) and his founder, Morihei Ueshiba, has great thoughts, like this one:

    "A true warrior is always armed with three things: the radiant sword of pacification; the mirror of bravery, wisdom, and friendship; and the precious jewel of enlightenment.
    Aikido is the principle of non-resistance. Because it is non-resistant, it is victorious from the beginning. Those with evil intentions or contentious thoughts are instantly vanquished. Aikido is invincible because it contends with nothing."

    Thank you!
  9. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member


    i love this quote at the bottom. Very cool. It's calming to read and to know or try to understand that resistance to certain things only makes the m harder to deal with.

    anyhow, your journal continues to be a source of interest for me and your progression is something special.

  10. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    11 days away from the so-called end of the reboot! Nice work Pilgrim.

    I've also been thinking about visiting a prostitute, but definitely only as a last resort. I've been feeling miserable those past 5+ days since my last MO, and at day 6 MO free today, I got over the depression. I have no doubt I developed enough mental strength to beat that habit, and it took a little less time than It did with PMO. As far as sex is concerned, my body feels ready for it, finally. Just gotta get back to my journey to alpha male confidence and being a ladies man.

    Anyway, the longer you abstain, the more you will enjoy your life. Take care, buddy!
  11. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 81

    thanks Pizza & Rcfergie!

    Just posting to report I am very well and full of energy.

    My new goal is starting a low carbohidrates diet (Pierre Dukan, a french doctor, created it).

    It is a new step by step program to lose some extra kilos.

  12. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member

    nice going Pilgrim.
    81 days, that is something else!

    Keep it up!

  13. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    I'm doing the same! It's very easy for me to cut back on carbohydrates, since I like the other stuff far better. Are you taking it as serious as the official Dukan diet, or are you just cutting back on carbohydrates yourself?
  14. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member

    Smashing dude,

    You're truely a mentor here, you drag us on towards new heights.

    Carbohydrates diet, I'd never heard of that before. It must have positive effects. A quick query, though how do you deal with that?

    I don't even know where and how we find carbohydrates. Stupid question, are there any carbohydrates in fast food - Kebabs, McDonalds, Premade, frozen food?

    If so I'll have to stop eating!!!!!
  15. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    Carbohydrates are in bread, pasta, potato's, couscous... They are easily converted to sugar by the body, and easy carbohydrates like pasta and potato's are not so good for the body, only if you burn them again quickly by sports or work.
  16. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 84


    It seems we have enough energy available to talk about other things but porn.
    That is great!

    Makebelieve: I started 4 days ago with with the Dukan diet and I am doing about 90 % of what he says.

    I am cutting all carbohydrates. That is 100 % ok.

    The 10 % I am not following exactly what he says are with some fruits I am eating.

    Anyway, I am doing ok and I have lost 2 kg in 4 days.

    And more than this, I realized that cutting carbohydrates has withdrawals effects in the beggining similar with porn addiction.

    They were not so strong like with porn but they were very similar (brain fog, dizziness, fatigue, deconcentration).

    So it made think how sugar is doing a similar dopamine effects on us.

    By the way, no thaughts about porn. Very calm, relax, starting a new professional project very innovative.

    I am feeling very well.

    Like I dont remember to feel before in my adult life.

    Thanks to YBOP, this forum, wife, friends and my determination, I am doing a new journey.

    Thank you!!
  17. pizzaman

    pizzaman New Member

    84 days Pilgrim.


  18. steffy78

    steffy78 New Member

    Yep pilgrim, you can surely give yourself a massive pat on the shoulder. Your determination is the massive contributor to your success.

    Bring on the light! - Not night as the Police once sang - lovely tune by the way!
  19. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    DAY 85

    Thanks, Steffy & Pizza for your kind words!

    I am feeling that after struggling with cravings for going to protitutes about 2 weeks ago, now I am entering on a new and very good stage of the process.
    I am feeling much more concentrated, strong, self confident, full of criative energy. And horny too.
    I haven´t had cravings to watch porn for more than one month.
    Actually, since I started this process I didnt have too much cravings for porn.
    Just a few days along the process.

    And this is great!!

    I know that it is necessary to keep vigilant everyday. Everyday.

    But I also can say: how good I feel from being far from porn!!!

    Here is a version of a great song from Bob Marley sang by people from many places of the world that make part of a project called "Playing for change" (thanks to Makebelieve that first introduced me to this project).


    step by step
  20. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    The progress is looking fantastic Pilgrim! You're not far from the reboot, man, keep it strong!

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