I normally don’t post online but I’ve taken a crack at my porn addiction before, with therapy, with 12-step groups... all with no success. So I think it’s time for a new approach. I’m not really writing this journal to help others but to just have a place to organize my thoughts for this long journey and if I help someone, all the better. Actually I’m sure others will help me much more. The issue that finally led me here, sitting here writing this entry tonight is PIED. It wasn’t that many days ago I had a sexual encounter where I simply couldn’t perform and although I’m 51 I knew it wasn’t my age, it wasn’t meds, it was porn, extreme graphic porn use. So here I am. I am committing to Monk Mode/Brahmacharya or more specifically KRSNA Consciousness. Aside from committing to no PMO for the next three years, which is what it is going to take to rewire my brain, there will be two hours of meditation in the morning followed by spiritual reading, from the Srimad Bhagavatam, for anyone who may be interested in the specifics. Aside from this there are the four regulative principles.... 1. Vegetarianism (no eggs, onions or garlic) 2. No Intoxication (no alcohol or caffeine) I can’t fully follow this one as I take highly sedating meds and need a pot of tea now and then to function. 3. No sex outside a heterosexual marriage for the purposes of procreation (I’m single so Brahmacharya for me) 4. No gambling (including the lottery, powerball, mega millions) none of this feels burdensome. I feel relieved by these rules, like I’ve allowed myself to be freed from porn. Right now I’m in an intense flatline, and we are at the beginning. I’m sure the urges to act out will creep in at some point. But at the moment it’s dead. No spontaneous erections, no MW, no desire at all, no libido, nothing. As far as I’m concerned I hope it lasts long enough for me to get settled into a regimen of meditation and spiritual practice before I have to worry about combating sexual desire and lust. so anyway, being 51, I’m not here to waste my time or anyone else’s, this is serious business to me. This is my one and only chance to resolve this problem. I’m taking the most hardline approach because I abused the most extreme forms of pornography. Morally and ethically I cannot view pornography anymore, knowing how it’s made, knowing the human rights abuses. If morally I can’t even eat meat anymore I certainly can’t support an industry abusing men women and yes, worst of all, children. I need to be done with porn. so here I am. I know I will learn way more from you than you will from me so I am glad to be in the company of everyone of every age on this message board. I hope I am welcome. I plan to be here for a very long time. This seems like the most legit porn addiction message board I could find! And with that.... good night!