I thought I would gradually overcome this hurdle, but I'm finding it just as tough if not more challenging to ignore the anxiety that overwhelms me each time I want to initiate anything socially. Yesterday I was going to a party, which actually made it the third day in a row going out for a good time (something unheard of for me), yet I was almost paralysed with a mixture of fear, anxiety, and I was reconsidering what I was doing every minute or so. I took my bike out to go to a friend's house, where the party was taking place, but since I had never been there before I had to ask for directions. He didn't respond to my first message, but I didn't insist, even after several hours without a response. Instead, I spent near to 2 hours brooding on my bicycle and stopping here and there to sit down and try to relax. I literally stared into my phone for 20 minutes before finally calling up this female friend who was going to the party as well (and actually was supposed to be the only other person I knew at the party). I wrote and erased dozens of texts, prepared to ring her up scores of times, before faltering. But this wasn't some kind of State of the Union address I was preparing! Anyway, once initiated everything is of course simpler. We talk for a minute. She tells me to phone up the party host, and sure enough he answers, we chat, and not long after I arrive at his house. I've been trying to heed the advice people on these forums have been giving regarding willpower: instead of concentrating all your efforts on avoiding x or y, concentrate your willpower on doing z (like going to a party) even if it freaks you out and takes you out of your comfort zone. But regardless of this, regardless of the fact I knew I could enjoy myself, should take advantage of this kind of event to hone my pathetic social skills and patiently heal my porn-induced weaknesses, I could easily have said: -- Fuck it, I'll just go home and relax. The worst part is seeing so plainly how, once in the groove of things, such spineless behaviour seems pathetic and irrational, yet each time I find myself repeating the same mistakes, falling into the same psychological traps. Somehow I just don't really think the porn has all that much to do with this, so I feel almost hopeless to cure it.