Unlike many stories, let me focus more on the last 5 to 8 years because they are the most critical to me and because I might be the oldest member here (pretty sure I am). I turned 60 this year. I am married to a wonderful woman and have 6 great kids. Just for some early background: Like many, I did start in my teens with masturbating for hours with Playboy and then to Hustler and others. In my 20s I was drawn to adult movie theaters and got my porn fix there. This continued for a couple of years, where I discovered adult bookstores with porn and then gay porn. With more and more of this, I experimented and dabbled in man to man sex. I never considered myself gay, but in my late 20s before I meet my wife, I did have a relationship with a co-worker, which didn’t last and didn’t satisfy me…..just confused me. In my early 30s, I feel in love and got married………..and for 20+ years had a wonderful life with my wife and kids. Fast forward to my early 50s and I discovered on line chats and on line porn. Not sure what was the attraction to the porn (and gay porn again) except for maybe curiosity, maybe boredom or maybe a mid-life crisis (which are all poor excuses) :-[. Along with this, I rediscovered the adult bookstores and again started anonymous m2m sex again. It escalated with cruising to gay sites and hooking up…..now with all this, I’m thinking I’m bisexual. Somewhere into this, I had started relationship that took on a weekly fuck buddy routine (unprotected sex). This went on for 5 years………..and during this time I did continue with heavy porn use and the bookstore. During this time did develop ED, which my doctor diagnosed as low testerone and prescribed Viagra….so I continued with the situation……not being happy or satisfied but sort of being a day to day “fog”…..just sort of wanting to get caught……….no regard for my safety or my wife and family. Now move to this past May, this is what I’m doing………I’m cheating on my wife, binging on porn, going to bookstores……..and using viagra to keep everything going. Then my “friend” contracts STD, gives it to me……….and now I confront my wife. I’m sure my life is over and I’m on the verge of a total mental collapse…….but wife doesn’t kick me out but instead wants to help me because she loves me and I DO love her. Thank god I don’t give her the STD and I get better………but we really talk…..WE REALLY TALK……… For about 30 days with my STD, I shut down and going into a mandatory reboot (no nothing porn, masturbating or orgasm) – not knowing why, but feel better…..but do go back to porn for about a week after the 30 days but decide this is not working and start to research about porn and porn addiction. We both do a lot of research……my wife finds YBOP…. I gather information on HOCD, I show all the symptoms, I show symptoms of a rewired brain, discover YBR and I go into reboot. During this time here, I really start to understand what I need to do. I’ve been here since August had a good first try (31 days), relapsed to porn but started right back…………and I’m totally convinced porn fucked up my thought process and my values. My wife and I are back to having sex (actually amazing sex….yes for my age) . We are reconnecting looking into karezza and tantra – rediscovering the intimacy we lost. Believe this is not a “happily ever after story” and we still have a lot more to work out but things are better. I am starting counseling this week and I do have things to work out and address…. am I bisexual? how do handle being faithful to my wife? Etc. etc.…….Also, soon, my wife and I will also go the marriage counseling…..but all is positive we (and I) haven’t felt this good in years. Like I said, I’ve been here about a month….just got my journal going now because I really feel comfortable now talking about it……..and want to continue with it as I start my counseling………but I want to thank all of you for your stories, ideas and support……even though my story is extreme…………..bottom line is that we are all fighting an addiction that we need to stop to become better people. I hope I can continue to help some of you and I know I need you to help me – THANKS!!!