Day 40 The initial "brain cooling down" phase should be over now, now the actual rebalancing should be starting. How does one accept the past. Now I can see many of the reasons why I've experience some many blocks, so much paralysis during my late teens and twenties, even early thirties. I can see that none of it was actually my fault. Addictive behaviour was a natural consequence, and I wasn't aware of that entire process either. I am getting better at mindfulness, having practiced it for long. I am able to identify negative thoughts quite fast when they arise, and I am about to identify with them. While it's not beneficial to follow these, the reality of opportunity cost and missed chances in the past that are gone has to be met. This is still very hard for me to accept, but not accepting it fully doesn't help. It should be seen and there is value in grieving for these, but needs to be fully embraced. Thebeg, Thanks for your post. I have been practicing Zen meditation for many years, which is in quite a few ways similar to Vipassana. Mindfulness, a term that is quite popular these days and heard frequently, is nothing more than the clear perception of the contents of consciousness, and that obviously includes thoughts. Aquiring the skill of mindfulness definitely means cultivating something like a superpower to have in daily life. It enables us to see when we act on desire or aversion as you say. That is to say it is of fundamental importance if we want to want to practice what the Buddha called "The Middle Way", which means no grasping, no pushing. Good luck to you, I imagine a 10-day retreat with 10 hourse of meditation daily must have been quite an experience!