Unleashing Mental Force

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by trapped7, Jan 18, 2013.

  1. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    "Addiction is an illness of escape" - Patrick Carnes







    *original first post*

    hello everyone,

    i'm 32 and new on this board. this journey started about a month ago for me, and I have been active on another forum.

    After an unsucessful first try, I'm in round 2, on day 15 and this time - unlike during my first try - i don't even MB, because I believe it led me back to P.

    For about 3 days now I've been virtually without libido.
    I read that this is a normal phase during the reboot, and I was wondering what your experience on this is.

    thank you and best wishes to everyone.
     
  2. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 16

    no P no MB for more than two weeks now.
    probably the longest time without MB for 10 years.

    At this time I don't really worry about slipping at all.
    There still isn't much of a libido, and I don't even think about P.

    But I'll stay alert.

    I just hope my libido will return, rather sooner than later.
     
  3. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    thank you.

    I'll try and not worry too much over it.

    Since you're on day 43 - may I ask if it did come back for you already, or maybe partly return?
     
  4. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 17

    These lyrics of a famous song by Kurt Cobain don't mean anything according to him.
    But for me they work in relation to PA

    With the lights out
    It's less dangerous
    here we are now
    entertain us!

    I feel stupid
    and contagious
    here we are now
    entertain us

    A mulatto
    an albino
    a mosquito
    (ok this part doesn't work)

    my libido
    (but this does)

    ;D


    Doing fine so far.
     
  5. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    yesterday had ups and downs
    I felt good in the morning, after a few hours there was a lot of anxiety coming up that lastet for quite some time before it got better again.

    I watched Patrick Carnes in an interview where he talks about the timeframe of the recovery process: about 40 days until your system sedates and another 90 days to start rewiring your system.
    until an addict makes a full recovery it takes about a year.

    Day 18

    I'm determined.
    I only wish I had Dr. Evil's quote "time machine"
     
  6. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 21

    Still a little down like yesterday, maybe a little better already.

    I've got much work to do, so I don't feel like I'm in danger.
    Libido is also still very low.

    cheers
     
  7. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 22

    To add to the misery, I've got the flu!

    but other than that i feel ok.

    what's interesting, because of this abstinence from PMO my taste regarding movies seems to have changed quite a bit.
    I used to like thrillers like seven, inception, collateral and so on.

    now I'm watching emma stone movies like "crazy, stupid, love", or "easy a" and have recently started the series pretty little liars!

    i hope this sobriety thing won't turn me into a girl in the end.

    have a nice day

    P.S. I'd appreciate any comments or tips from people who have made it beyond 30 days!
    thanks
     
  8. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 23 - 24

    Still recovering from this cold - I'm not really thinking about P at all.
    Rarely some scene will pop into my mind, but it doesn't last long.
    I don't know why this happens at all.

    Haven't got much else to say right now.

    cheers
     
  9. DiscoveringWhoIAm

    DiscoveringWhoIAm New Member

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Hi trapped7. Way to go mate. I think our brains will try and throw us back into a state before we decided to go PMO and will attempt to get us to relapse. So long as we know that it's a trick of the dopamine receptors, we can rise above it and not relapse. I'm going to follow you and we'll battle this demon together.
     
  10. Re: unleashing the real me

    congrats on the progress so far! keep up the good work :)
     
  11. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    interesting, though in my case it _is_ really a cold.
    thank you for the info, this is very much to the point and very helpful.


    Day 25

    Watched some borderline content again yesterday for a few minutes. A topless scene in a movie I watched triggered something and I had to go check the actress out again on the web.

    No MB or anything, I just wanted to look at her again briefly. Incredible what tricks and rationalisations my mind can come up with just to be able to look.
    During the time I looked at it I knew that this content was dangerous, so I remained alert and got off it soon.

    Well, got to stay alert.

    I do however have inner confidence that I'll stay clear of PMO.
    For some reason I'm not really anxious about slipping at all, which I am thankful for.

    cheers
     
  12. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 25 evening

    Today was a mixed day. At first when I went out after a few days of illness I at first felt pretty confident, a few hours later I didn't have the confidence I talked about earlier in this thread when I looked at women, and I didn't get that much eye contact from them either.
    That special "vibe" I had felt on many days since I abstained from P wasn't really there today.

    Maybe it's because I was sick and I'm not back to full health yet, I dunno.
    I hope it will come back again soon.
     
  13. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    thanks true, i totally agree.

    Day 26

    Right now my libido is going crazy. I'm having strong urges and then I am completely flatlining again in very short periods of time.
    This is really weird, I hope this is also just a phase that won't last very long.
     
  14. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 27
    A little insomnia again. Upon waking up I had some very strong urges. Also my inner addict told me how nice it would be watch some "softcore" P again and how it wouldn't be very damaging at all, but good for me!

    A few days ago I really didn't think this would happen.

    So yeah, I must acknowledge it's getting a little more difficult than I thought it would for some time.

    It's interesting how my addicted part tells me how just a little bit of fantasising or looking would be enough, while in reality it never gets enough.
    On the contrary the longer I fantasize or check borderline material, the more I want.

    I have to start focussing on other things again and get back in touch with the reasons I'm doing it for.
     
  15. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    I'm trying to further educate myself on the subject of borderline content.

    this is a big one for me. i am sure solving this will help me tremendously on my way to recovery.

    on one site borderline C was compared to an alcoholic taking 2 sips of a light beer. it doesn't matter that it's just 2 sips it just activates these old pathways again and the cravings start again.

    what has helped me most so far in staying away from PMO were my strong internal reasons, as I have stated numerous times already.

    I feel like I have to find clear benefits for staying away from borderline content as well.
    True, thanks for pointing out that staying away from borderline content altogether just makes the process of recovery _so much easier_.

    That alone, while simple, is a really good reason to avoid it.
     
  16. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 28

    Getting closer to 30 days of no PMO, which was my first personal goal.
    Right now the urges are getting stronger again, not necessarily urges to look at porn, but i'm tense.

    It's about as hard right now as in the very first days. In addition I still can't go out or set up a date, which is what I would like to do at this point, because I'm not yet back to full health (cold related)

    So... that makes for a not-so-easy end spurt, but I'm determined.
    Once I reach Day 30 I'm set for my next target: 40 days w/out PMO

    good luck to everyone else
     
  17. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    you're absolutely right, there's no hurry.

    I just sometimes feel like I want to fast forward to the point where I am P free for 4 months and everyone works out perfectly in my life (or so I imagine)
    I'm sure some of you will understand what I mean.

    But it's probably best to just focus on the here and now.

    Day 29

    i feel alright.
    living without P is so much better, I hope I won't ever go back.
     
  18. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 30

    I've reached my first personal goal; no PMO for 30 days.

    Here's a little review about what I've learned so far.

    - no MB was the key here. I am sure, if I had allowed myself to continue MB it would very likely have led me back to P.

    - knowing my reasons for quitting P, and getting in touch with these as soon as I was triggered helped a lot.

    - continuously educating myself on the subject of PA is important. reading success stories is driving my motivations.

    - i think this also helped a lot: I don't ever talk negatively to myself when I'm triggered, instead I say to myself "sure, you can go back watching P if you want to. you're free. but do you really want to? what will you gain and what will you lose?" this works well for me.

    - borderline content is dangerous and still an issue I have to work on.

    while my sense of self-esteem and well-being went up and down through these 30 days I' have seent the following benefits:

    - interest in meeting real women returning.
    - more confidence, being able to look at girls with confidence.
    - getting more looks and smiles from women in general.
    - being much more productive, getting more done.
    - flirtatous attitude returning when talking to women - and it's fun!
    - in general feeling more alive, more interest in participating in life, going out, meeting people etc.
    - on many days I've felt much more open emotionally.


    my next short term goal is staying PMO free for 40 days.

    good luck to everyone on his journey!
     
  19. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Day 31

    and moving forward!
     
  20. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Re: unleashing the real me

    Well done on making it through a whole month!
     

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