uncontrolable relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Healed7, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I am doing well Billy. This is the most binging I have ever done. I have been going for over a week and just can't seem to resist. I normally can find a reason to not fall back or the temptation usually subsides if I slip up but it is now coming back within hours. I don't know if this is what you guys call the chaser or what. about a week ago my woman and I spent a weekend at a hotel and had a very good time. I was thinking that this was going to be a good foundation to stay off but now it seems that things got a lot worse. I have been slipping up watching for 2 to hours at a time.
    It has got me feeling so hopeless. I hope that the it can slow down somehow. I thought I had truned the corner but it is worse now
     
  2. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Can you utilise the skills you relied on when you had those longer periods without relapsing. Do you have any kind of trigger response plan? i.e. some actions you could immediately take when you're tempted to look at porn, e.g you could take 5 deep breaths, go for a walk, sip some water - anything just to interrupt the pattern and bring awareness to what's going on in your head. Having something like this in place will help to take your brain off 'auto pilot' mode :)
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  3. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    I'm soooo sad to hear you strugglin' still. What a drag!

    I think yeah, it's kind of like Chaser. The addiction feeds-back on itself, it's a never ending cycle. As I mentioned in PM, we often fall hard after a clean streak so at least you can maybe take some comfort in knowing that it's relatively 'normal' (even if it's a bloody horrible space to be in).

    Fuck. I wish that I could just... flick a switch and fix it for ya!

    All I can really do is offer ideas that may or may not work for you.

    That's great advice.

    I think, what we need to do, perhaps, is have as many tools in our trunk as possible, to give ourselves the best chance of success.

    Keep trying different things, I reckon, and when you find one that works, add it to your list of strategies. Even if one doesn't work, it might be worth trying it again at another time, as different strategies can help or not help, a lil' bit randomly.

    I think... the only way we can beat this is by making it our number one priority... keeping in mind we have other life commitments, of course... What I mean is, we can't just hope that the urges will subside on their own, we need to be on it 24-seven (at least for the first few months). It's like... the addiction doesn't happen in a vacuum and it's actually likely to be as much (or more) of a symptom of deeper issues as it is a cause of current problems. In order to Recover, but even just to get a good clean-streak going we prolly need to think of this in the broadest of possibe contexts. It's connected to all aspects of our lives but most importantly our emotional and psychological history. Eventually, it's a project to revamp our entire lives.

    Here's some advice I posted on Guy's journal:

    "Anytime you feel to slip, just come here, instead. It's much more life affirming, yeah? Also, also: not sure how it might work for you, but I have YBR as my number one homepage so that, after I've completed my online tasks, you guys are there (watchin' me), up in the corner where I might otherwise open a search tab. Esp in the early stages, it saved my arse a number of times....

    The other thing you might consider is cuddle your missus in those moments. Oxitocin is a boooooon. Even if she's busy... just look at her, and remind yourself why your're doin' this. Even if she's not home, a photograph of youse that reminds you of happy times, of feeling connected and in love...

    Sorry to be so prescriptive... just trying to help."


    Also this, from elsewhere:

    "Another thing that I found really helpful was reading widely, both here and elsewhere, and being active on the forum (posting regularly on my own journal and others). Mutual support is... I dunno, maybe it's not crucial, but for many, for most, it's not possible to do this alone. Supporting others has strengthened my resolve and at times lightened my mood. It has taught me much. And the support I have had from others here has been amazing... for myself, I know I couldn't have done it without these guys."


    And this, I found really helpful.

    Anyhow, I'm really glad you came here, Fella. I'd say just keep coming here, even if you're using regularly (ain't no one gonna judge ya). Coming here has a cumulative affect, I think, on our motivation to get clean and, as mentioned above, the mutual support is invaluable (not to mention the tips and tricks we can pick up to help us towards abstinence/recovery).

    Posi-vibes to ya, dude.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2017
  4. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Hello everyone,
    I was finally able to break out of my marathon binge. The longest I can think of ever, and I have been struggling with PIED for more than 20 years. It is about 3 weeks. I was lucky that my woman was having her period and thought that 2 weeks of abstaining will be enough to get me out of a flatline if it happened that my relapse had taken back to that route. Unfortunately this was not the case. I am deep in a flatline. This morning one thing led to another but suddenly everything stopped for me. I won't go too far because I am at work but I was wondering if there is anything I can do besides just waiting for the course to run itself
     
  5. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    You mean anything you can do about flatline?
     
  6. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Yes. If I didnt have a woman in my life it would be easy to go through this but with a woman in my life it's not easy. She thought I stopped
     
  7. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, i dunno, man. I think you just have to ride it out. I've read that flatlines can come and go more or less randomly for months, though, so if you don't feel it prudent to fess up to yr relapse, perhaps all you need to do is explain it as one of the side-effects of Reboot, ask her to be patient and leave it at that... I wish I could offer something more.

    Can you still make love to her without penetration, do you think? She'd likely appreciate that...
     
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Did you get anything out of this, mate?
     
  9. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I am so glad to be back here again. I took the advice I received here and have been porn free since March. But all hell has broken loose with constant relapses the last 2 weeks.
    I assumed that this addiction was behind me and let my guards down and before I knew it I was toying with "a quick glance here and there." Before I knew it I was again spending hours viewing chasing and occasional masturbation. Now I am really struggling as I was about 7 months ago.
    I have to start again. Having succeeded multiple month successes, I know I can do it. The challenge for me now seems to be, forgetting how ugly this addiction. I completely forget and find myself in the cycle of addiction.
    What has seemed to work for me is to change my patterns and habits. Have enough sleep. Joined a support group(so important). Not lose sight of the repurcussions of porn. The more I did this the more the thoughts ofporn became distant. But when I started doing the opposite it didn't take long to fail.
    I am kinda down right now but if I have to fake normalcy until I am out of this funk then I will...man! This shit is no JOKE
     
  10. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi Healed7,

    I also have been battling PMO addiction for quite some time, more than I would like to think on. Celebrate that you have been free from it for some good long periods, that is VICTORY in it's own right. You have decided to rid yourself of this and you are making progress. Perfect progress... maybe not but.. your progress... this is your journey.

    I have also, "forgotten how ugly this addiction is". I have fallen off my path even after almost a year once. After I dealt with the shame and discouragement which were only in my head I brushed myself off and started down the path again. It is sometimes the best we can do.

    Keep on fighting the good fight brother!
     
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I thought the addiction was behind me after different streaks of 60, 90, 90, 120, 150 days and more. It's always there inside our brains, knowing that will keep you safe from harm in the long run. Unfortunately when you get back into the cycle you have to start all over again, in my experience, the brain very quickly rewires the old neural super highways.

    Peeking is where the spiral starts, it's definitely no joke.

    You pulled up and got sober once, you can do it again.
     
  12. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Thanks for the encouragement brother. I was finally able to get off the relapse wheel. I will say it was one of the worst ones. It really took me a while to snap out of the consequences of a relapse. It led to total dysfunction. It felt like I did before discovering PIED. But after stopping, it took me longer to start regaining my functions back. After close to a month, I am getting my confidence back. Th flatlines were minimal and shorter but ver severe. I know they may come back but I have to deal with it.
     
    Billy B. and Saville like this.
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Great news that healing is truly happening in your life.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Good to see a brother back on the freedom path. I have had long periods away from PMO and terrible relapses, I know how they damage, but we can get back, we deserve to get free, YOU DESERVE freedom from the horrible lies of PMO.

    Stay strong sir!
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, man. Relapsing, unfortunately, seems to be part of the healing process. Well done for pullin' outa the nose-dive... though, actually, it's more like you crashed and dusted yourself off from there, prolly a more apt metaphor. Sometimes that's what it takes, though. Sometimes a slip just leaves us hangin' for more and it takes a total relapse to remind us just why we got clean in the first place. Glad to see you back with us, even if sporadically. Go well, mate.
     

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