uncontrolable relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Healed7, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Some guys have recovered while having sex during a reboot...the trouble with sex and orgasm for most of us is that it leads us right back to porn and PMO. I think I'm just getting to the point where I can have a few orgasms and not feel like crap for a few days afterwards. Hang in there, it's a long road. Remember the cure is painful, giving in is easy...but you'll pay a heavy price if you do.
  2. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Thanks for responding. That is interesting because I just had sex the previous days. No wonder I was feeling as if this temptation snuck up on me.
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    The first time I had sex/orgasm after rebooting for about 3o days I had massive anxiety and went right back to PMO immediately, binging for hours until 6 or 7 in the morning. But I am a severe case.

    We don't abstain from orgasm because we enjoy it, we do it to avoid going back to PMO and to unwire our brains. If you orgasm during a reboot, you are lighting up PMO pathways because neurons that wire together fire together. (Watch Gary's video.)

    After you've rebooted (several months of no stimulus) your brain needs sex and orgasm to rewire to real women. The trick is discovering when you're ready for that, for severe cases it can take many months of abstinence to get at the addition under control as well as to unwire the PMO pathways from the regular O pathway. Does that make sense? It's critical to understand the theory.
  4. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    That makes a lot of sense. I have been able to go several months of rebooting while having sex but I never paid attention to when temptation happened during those reboots. But now that you have mentioned it it makes perfect sense. I thought the desire to go to porn was because engaging in sex acts similar to porn. I remember telling a group of guys I meet with who have porn addiction about this observation but no one seemed to understand why temptations to go to porn happened after sex with my woman.
    I have to note that my longest reboot of over 6 months happened because my woman and I were living in different states, which meant that sex didn't happen as much. In fact now that I think about it, I went back to porn shortly after she visited which was followed by a flatline which devastated me (because at the time I had no knowledge of flatline).
    For the first time ever I was able to stop the downward spiral by coming here and crying out to you guys. I feel like I am slowly recovering from the desire to look at porn. This was a very important learning moment for me. Thanks @40New30 and @Billy BargeArse for being there
  5. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    You have no idea how this point you made has shed a lot of light on many of my relapses. It is interesting that you mentioned that you have anxiety. For my case, besides anxiety, I get very agitated and have had serious fights with my woman after very intense. I remember one time when she asked me, "is this how you treat me after giving you pussy?" I laughed about it at the time but I felt really bad for being an ass to a woman I love knowing how emotionally vulnerable women can feel after surrendering their body to you.
    I can honestly attribute many of my relapses to this. I also binge for at least 5 hours @40New30 and many times overnight. I am anxious to see how much I will learn in this reboot
  6. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I have been too ashamed to report that I was not able to resist the temptation to look at porn. I spent a considerable amount of time viewing porn. I am disappointed
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Porn is useless as is the shame that accompanies it. They are like idiotic twins. Use your disappointment to make better choices. You have a woman that will gift you her pussy and this is a beautiful thing. P and M are for suckers, especially for a man who has a willing partner. When we value ourselves enough to stay clean then we value those we love: simple!

    You had a good streak going so let this be a new and beautiful day for you, my friend.
  8. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    My first instinct after this setback was to disappear from this forum. But I thank God that I didn't take that path. Everything that you mentioned here @40New30 is exactly what happened to me. I hope that this has run its course. I am ready to keep moving forward
  9. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Perfection is unattainable...at first. And possibly for a long while, never feel ashamed. Accept it and move on, don't hold onto to the negative emotions, let them go.

    If there is one piece of advice I can give you it is to never jerk off while watching porn, edge, or binge. Those things take your dopamine receptors way down.
  10. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I am really confused. I have not been able to abstain for the last two days. I feel like I am struggling the way I was prior to the last 25 days of abstinence from porn. Last night I got a little drank and fell very hard by binging for hours and the M'ing. I am losing control
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Tell yourself you have control. The dopamine wants us to jerk off while watching P...just like 40new30 said.

    Bite your hand if you have to, but don't fucking watch P.
    harvesterofsorrow likes this.
  12. Endeavour

    Endeavour Member

    hi Healed 7
    There comes a point when you can be free. it seems impossible right now but it is doable ; others have done it and they are no better or worse than you and me. we all tend to think that we are different , that our problem is more intractable but this is not true. there are no new problems in the world just new people for the problems to pick on. there is nothing in our addiction that someone else has not experienced and overcome so we can do it too. I feel very down at the moment but I am not doing PMO. I have replaced PMO with another compulsive urge and it upsets me just as much. I have no idea why I don't do PMO ; I could as at times it feels very close and I am no longer so dumb or arrogant to believe that you can get so far beyond this thing that you no longer need to pay attention. Nonetheless I guess I have not done PMO for something like 3/4 years but I have gone back to a pre-porn compulsion.It resurfaced about 18 months ago and has been v powerful of late causing me a lot of shame and upset. all the energy around it and the patterns are just the same as PMO. I desperately want to get back to the guy who felt at ease with himself and end the self-hatred and sabotage. We can all do this if we accept that no matter how awful it feels we always have choice. I really need to hear that for myself. I wish you well. You are not alone.
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!


    Sorry to've been outa the loop: I've been busybusybusy with other things but listen:

    What you're experiencing is so normal and predictable that, if it wasn't so bloody painful, it would be a big fat joke.

    When we have just managed a short period of abstinence (and then we slip) the urge to continue will likely be overwhelmingly intense. It's possible to change one's mindset around it and to use the energy inherent in the cravings as a driver to push through the discomfort, but that doesn't mean it's easy, or that there's anything wrong with you if you can't get that to click. Just keep trying, mate. Even if you slip and or binge everyday: come here straight after, I reckon.... obviously it's better to come here before and to hopefully avoid the slip all together but if you can't, just keep coming back. We ain't gonna give up onya so please, don't give up on yourself.

    There's a lot to learn on this journey and it's not uncommon for us to go round and round (and bloody round) before we get enough tools in our kit to get through the major part of reboot and onto the gradual upward slope of recovery.

    If I may make a couple of suggestions?

    One is to have a look at Karezza (<that's a link right there). Karezza (the love making part of it) is all about connection and, because the male refrains from orgasm (or even from getting too het up) it's perfect for the rebooting brain. If your woman is open to it, it could be just the trick, allowing you to continue a sex-life while avoiding the chaser from orgasm. Also, also: my friends here a couple years ago, reported that their women absolutely loved it (some of them came to multiple orgasm!) and they always (the he and the she) felt more connected and loving than ever, totally satisfied.

    Secondly: on shame. If you come here with shame or guilt we're gonna tell you to let it go (or whatever) and ultimately that's prolly the ideal, but I wonder if it might help you to vent that shame fully and completely? You could begin your post with something like "I know that I need not feel shame about this (because we've all been through it and by Christ, I'm doing the best I can!) however, after my binge I feel....." And just let it flow, mate. Let it aaaaaaaall out. I predict that, if you can hold the intention that it's normal to feel it, totally expected, but at the same time, irrational.... I dunno, just maybe you can pull some of the power out from under it's dirty little rug.

    Sending you posi-vibes, mate.

    And a big fat e-hug.

    Billy B.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2017
  14. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Hello my brothers. I have been soo busy but have been checking out the forums for encouragement. I have not slipped up since my last slip. What I am experiencing right now is some flatline that has me so worried. I have not been able to test it but everything is limb and no desire at all. I don't know what to do to deal with that. From what I am reading on the forums, it appears that I just have to let it go.
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Again, perfectly normal. It will pass. It may come back again in waves but, as you heal, it will be less and less. Try not to worry about it and just get on with doing good things for your health and recovery. In no time you'll be sprung once again! :p

    Hopefully that makes it a lil' less distressing?
  16. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Hello brothers!
    I have been busy this year. I have had mixed emotions. I am at a loss of words to express the deep emotions I am feeling right. I am fonding it difficult to abstain for prolonged periods of time. I used to be motivated by by PIED but for some reason it is not the same anymore. I can get so motivated and have this feeling that I will go for a while but then something happens and I fall off. I have also found every reason to avoid coming on here but I now realize that I can't make it on my own.
    I am hoping to have a different job and be able to rejoin the group I was in a year that was part of a successful 6 month porn free. Wish me luck. Sorry for not being able to express myself as well as I would like to
  17. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    That's a good place to start, my online friend! We are here for you!
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Welcome back, man. Glad to see you. :)
  19. NUbegennings

    NUbegennings Member

    Hope you are still not smoking cigs. My problem is that every time I PMO I also need to smoke cigs. Crazy habit. I am now looking into getting a non nicotine vape just in case I relapse. Good luck and hope you worked things out with your wife as well. I really regret breaking up with my ex when she was begging me to marry her. Now I am glad to report she is happily married to someone else. Unfortunately because of PMO I am sitting alone on the couch in a flatline. Good luck to you brother.
  20. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    How you doin', mate?

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