uncontrolable relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Healed7, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    11 days in the bag is pretty sweet. Keep pushing through!
     
  2. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Thanks savvile. I am taking it one day at a time now
     
  3. Webdeveloper

    Webdeveloper Member

    The first month is always the tougher part. Just do whatever you need to go through it.
    Take care.
     
  4. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I agree totally. The first weeks are hell. I am looking forward to them
     
  5. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Hello friends,
    I have not made this far the last few months without major struggles. To be brief, things are going a lot better than normal. My smoking and drinking is way down. I took your advise and started to meditate(not sure if I'm doing it right ). And yes I'm finally back to praying and reading the Bible.
    I want to wish all of you a merry Christmas
     
  6. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    It just hit me that I am past the two weeks mark when I fall oft. I think that the business of the season didn't give me time to be alone and bored. There has been something to do and there have been people around me. I also know without a doubt that my making sure that I am in the forums keeps me conciscious of what we go through. I have managed many months of abstinence since starting this journey but this one feels a lot different. I also have to report that 2 nights ago I got a hotel room with my woman and enjoyed one of the best nights of my life. The sex was mind blowing! . It gets me aroused just thinking about it. But the most important thing about my time together is that I was able to communicate by listening and not getting as sensitive and defensive as I normally do. The conversation let to her breaking down and crying with emotion. My woman normally never cries.
    For some strange reason I am also managing a smoke free life. I haven't smoked for 5 days. That also is a remarkable feat. I am remaining grounded and will never ever leave this place with you my people.
     
  7. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I'm struggling a little today. I am starting to go a little bit further than normal when it comes to doing or looking at women on something as simple as Instagram. This is normally the route that leads me to falling.
     
  8. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I am still fighting the temptation but am hanging in there. What I am finding difficult is to avoid sex with my woman during this reboot. But today I found it extremely difficult to hold back orgasm. It is something I don't know how to control. I also noticed that after the orgasmz. I also notice that my desire is for sex is not the same. I don't know how to avoid it.
     
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    We ain't goin' nowhere. :)
     
  10. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Have you looked into Karezza?
     
  11. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I am slowly started looking at naked pictures on instagram. I know that this is not going to end up well. I have been here before but don't want to go down the wrong route which is why I really need your encouragement. I have deleted the App and I am trying to be near people as much as possible. Sometimes you can't prepare for situations enough. It seems like it just hit me. I didn't see this struggle coming. I have completely forgotten how miserable it is if I start binging on this thing. I really want to make it past this week
     
  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Mate! We're right here!! Good onya for steppin' out of it and comin' here instead of heading down that track (you know where it leads).

    I remember during my first (YBR-assisted) reboot it was sneaky lil' 'not-porn' that got me into trouble and caused me to relapse more than once.

    Ultimately, whether it's gorgeous girls on FB, fantasies in our heads or HC/HD video, it'll fire up those same neural pathways and this is why we need to stay diligent, even months down the track.

    You dodged the bullet, now you can focus, hopefully, on moving forward.

    I used to think that spending too much time and energy here on YBR was... slightly addictive behaviour and that I 'should' be doing other, more productive things but now I remind myself that I would spend hours and hours and hours on the tug (sometimes 20-30 hours a week!) so spending even half that much time here, well, it's gotta be a much better option.

    Posi-vibes comin' your way.

    I'm having trouble with my internet connection but if it holds I'll stay logged in so I can be right here for ya. It's 2pm where I am and I will prolly head out to the beach around 630/7, but until then you have my ear (and I have your back), mate.
     
  13. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    Thanks so much brother. I know that under the same circumstances in the past there is no way I would have even thought about reaching out. This would have been one of those 5+ hour binges. I have no option but to do what I need to do to make it through these tempting times. I just can't deal with the aftermath of another relapse.
     
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good job.

    Try to remember it will pass.

    In a situation like yours I remember my moto "PMO is not an option" and I'll go for a walk, call a friend, head out, come here and read for inspiration (often offering support to someone else struggling helps me). Whatever, whatever: anything but that! Worse comes to worst I can cry and scream and yell or fall in a heap... if I've stayed away from PMO another day (another hour, another minute) and that means I'm still out in front.

    And it will pass.

    Unlike a slip/binge/relapse which only leads to more misery.

    Deep Breaths!
     
  15. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I really like that mindset. As I said I have never fought back in a situation like this. I have already made at least an hour in the clear. I will do whatever it takes. Being here is definitely a huge help. In normal circumstances I would be fighting alone and losing.
     
  16. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Excellent, excellent.

    I'm here withya, dude. And happy to be so (I've been feeling rather miserable and uninspired myself, but being here is giving me a sense of purpose and keeping me from disappearing up my own backside!).

    Recovery can be such a drag, sometimes, especially at times like this.

    Try to remember that the shitiest day in withdrawal is still better than staying stuck in that miserable bloody cycle.

    I'm so impressed with you reaching out and not going it alone.

    You don't ever need to go back down that road, you do know that don't you?

    You have aaaaaall the power. Maybe close yr eyes, take a few deep breaths and see if you can't get in touch with that... power.
     
  17. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Here's a lil' quote from what Wabisabi wrote on your journal (something to consider for next time).

    "Setting up beforehand a kind of 'emergency plan' to stop a slip from getting out of hand can prove helpful. Cause "in the heat of the battle" you get confused very fast, and become unable to act adequately."
     
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Let me know if you're loggin' off, man. Then I can log off, too. Otherwise I'll stay connected at least until I go to the beach.

    PS I've been rereading yr journal and it's full of inspiration.
     
  19. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I think I am going to make it tonight. Just know that you being here had everything to do with my making it through this temptation. I hope you feel better yourself. Have a good time at the beach. I am wallowing in snow where I am :)...Part of my plan when temptations came was to do something different from what I have done in the past, which is why I came here.
     
  20. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    You did good. Anytime, you can come here and someone will help you feel less alone in it, I'm sure. Stay gold.
     

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