Trying to shake off this monkey off my back

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by mailboxsam, May 27, 2022.

  1. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Saturday (yesterday) didn’t go so well. I did get up but never actually got out the house. Binge watched a series. I lay and fantasised on my couch a few times and my hand was on my dick for a few moments twice. I’m going to cut myself some slack and not chalk it up as a relapse. But I’ve got an asterisk next to my counter of 18* days clean.

    Basically it was a combination of some
    Major work stress, financial stress, future stress, nothing planned to do on the weekend, and most friends being away. I’m still on a huge low. But I’ve got a plan, I know something I can do to move forward for the work stress - I need to at least get my cv in gear.

    Reading stories here helped me avoid a full relapse.

    I’ve made some big changes to my lifestyle the last few months I must keep up those habits (eg reading, no watching youtube, no watching of online news - I subscribed to a print newspaper which gets delivered much better for me! , going to bed earlier, getting up earlier, …) but those have been skipping the last two weeks. Will try to stem the holes in the dam.
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Lots of great progress, mailboxsam! We aren't going to be champs everyday, but slowly our lives begin to take a new and wonderful shape.

    Binge watching tv is fine, once in awhile. Good that you cut yourself some slack about it.
     
    mailboxsam likes this.
  3. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    All right, just got back from a barbecue with friends and people I hadn’t met before. Mostly a good experience except for the lows of seeing a young lass I had a crush on apparently together with another chap, and also hearing one of my friends speak casually about a sexual encounter with a (different) lady I like! I’m 25* days clean and I want to get to 30 which is a major milestone for me. Still feeling down about some things in my life… and now my brother has had a terrible experience too. But I’m feeling better than I was last week.
     
  4. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    I did buy some new pots for my pot plants today and I glued something together. Fixing up little things around the house again.
     
    Saville likes this.
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member

    @MBS. Sounds like you’re strongly heading in the right direction! Keep up the fight! While fighting the urges may not get easier for a while - The added strength from no P in your life - Will keep on increasing!

    and thanks so much for your encouragement on my own thread re reaching 60 days! Appreciate it a lot!
     
    mailboxsam likes this.
  6. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Just keep plugging away ! It will get better ! If you plug away it goes one way BETTER!
     
  7. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    28 days no PMO!
     
  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Great stuff!
     
    mailboxsam likes this.
  9. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Keep going !
     
  10. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Fantasized this morning for about 10 min :-( Sunday morning, no events planned for the day, recovering after event-filled Friday and Saturdays. It's an ingrained habit, but I managed to stop before it led to MO or scrolling instagram/erotic stories. Have now recovered sufficiently to have completed a touch of work. I will attempt to chill at home in a healthy way for today, maintain my pot plants and phone family later.
     
    path-forward and Saville like this.
  11. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Just finished an epic 4.5 hour gardening session. Getting all my pot plants and potted trees in ship shape! I never would have done this if I had M’d this morning instead. Now I feel so good I am sitting back looking at my plants
     
    path-forward and Saville like this.
  12. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Ups and downs today. Handled some work stuff well. Should have gone for a walk instead of taking too long drawing up some plans. Had a great run in the evening. Afterwards I had a social at my ex-crush’s house. It seems I was distant and not on best form. I took a psychological blow when she moved places after I sat next to her at the table :) But I still was in decent form I thought. I’m going to try not mope about it now and just get into bed. Tomorrow will be 35 day anniversary.
     
    Saville and path-forward like this.
  13. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member


    MBS. Good work dealing with Uncomfortable situations. And congrats on 35 days! You are doing all the hard work You got this!
     
  14. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    I had a relapse. Not the worst one, I’ve hopefully limited it to an afternoon and an evening. Has left me feeling empty and shite as always. Going on a hike with friends tomorrow which is good but I also regret the relapse big time because now I will be quiet and depressed on the hike.
     
  15. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    Maybe, or you could be surprised. I'm glad you have the opportunity to break out of the slump and isolation that PMO gives us. I hope you have a good time of fellowship and enjoy the outdoors
     
    mailboxsam, path-forward and Saville like this.
  16. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Had a good hike did have some down points which I suspect might not have happened if I hadn’t PMO’d on Friday. I’m back in the saddle. I even organised a date now for Wednesday night
     
    realness and Saville like this.
  17. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    FMO’d again today. Same as last week Thursday. Trigger was one of the usual ones - relief at having come home having successfully done a few things and having some spare time.
     
  18. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    The issue is not so much the FMO it’s that FMO pretty much always leads to PMO for me and then that’s a whole day or a whole weekend in my bed wasted zoned out in another place. But I’ve improved a lot over the last few months I want to keep it up grr
     
  19. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member

    MBS - Dont let opening the door lead to further temptations. It does not have to work that way. Reread easy peasy and whack this weekend. make plans outside your house as well. you got this!
     
  20. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    It went badly me friends! Many PMO sessions in the last two weeks. And guess what - I started getting depressed, anxious, work suffered, all the usual. Trying to stand up again.
     

Share This Page