Trying to shake off this monkey off my back

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by mailboxsam, May 27, 2022.

  1. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Hi - I've been around for a good few years. Had a great run of 150 days monk mode many years ago. Fell off the wagon. Didn't use this site for a while, but I've come back now. It definitely helps. You'll see my old thread in the under 30's, "On the road - trying to manage huge obsession with transgender erotica and images".

    Now I'm 43 but I won't be for long. Haven't been able to shake off this monkey. PMO has really inhibited me from being the best version of myself I can be. Here's to shaking it off.
  2. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Well I just relapsed after about 4 days clean. Noooo…. Been a very weird week I fell ill on Sunday and I’ve been off work the whole week. Monday I PMO’d. Then nothing and no desire - sick baby - till today when I’m starting to come right health wise. Argh.
  3. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Well, I’m not in good shape as far as strength and determination go in fighting this thing. Just recovered from illness too which is a real thing but also offers an excuse for my mind to let go. Have to get my life going again. Try to take a shower then wash some clothes and linen.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good start! Keep on working the program!
    mailboxsam likes this.
  5. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Thanks Saville. I PMO'd again this week, I think it was Tuesday. Going to count Wednesday 8 June as my new start. Some negatives - the willpower and "getting my life back in order" strength I had a few months ago went away so fast after my recent PMO'ing. And, illness has put a huge spanner in the works for the ultramarathon I was training for. Going to see how it goes as I hopefully recover well enough to run again. Some positives - a very pretty young lass is interested in me and I am interested in her. Well, let me read from a few stories on this site.
  6. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Still going strong no PMO since Wednesday 8 June. Gonna try make it to two weeks. This next week could be one of the toughest of my life work and stress wise. I have to submit something and fill in a big application by the end of the week.
    Seen positive results, as I always do, from this latest 11 day streak. More confident and my charming self around others. Thinking to myself “where have the last ten years gone?”. Wanting to call up people I haven’t spoken to in a long time. Draw a line underneath some open ends relationship and history wise. Move on.
    Saville and TrueSelf like this.
  7. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Made it to 15 days no P or M or O. Its Thursday. I am so far surviving my "mother of all weeks" and still have a decent chance to come through the other side.
    TrueSelf likes this.
  8. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Made it to 17 days no P or M or O. I am still surviving my mother of all weeks. I am almost finished the first part of the thing I needed to complete. I hope to complete it tomorrow and then do the second part on Monday. Successfully went for a long run today with my running partner as well (25km slow run) since I am prepping for a marathon in two weeks time. If I can successfully make it to Tuesday it will be a big deal. Then I can take a week's holiday from Wednesday.
  9. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Well, I did the second part of the Big Application that I had to do at work.

    I finished the Mother of All Weeks! I am very proud of myself.

    Now I feel empty and drained. This is dangertime for me for wanking my friends.

    It wasn't a clean run to the finish line. I had to "run over" some bodies on my way there. It seems I pissed someone off along the way, but I think he is unjustified in feeling that way.

    I did some exercise today too (10km run).

    But, in other news, I've got some trouble in the bank. I was pursuing a girl, which pissed off X (who still likes me) and rubbed that girl's ex and his friends the wrong way. It seems I have been less than honourable in some ways. The girl said she just wanted to be friends. Ok. But I have some mending to do.

    But anyway. I took on the Mother of All Weeks and lived to tell the tale.

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