TRYING TO QUIT I A PROUD POSITIVE

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by breath, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. breath

    breath Member

    TRYING TO QUIT IN A PROUD POSITIVE WAY RATHER THAN OUT FROM A SELF SHAMING PERSPECTIVE. (i botched the title above, and couldnt edit)


    I've been following a 'mostly off porn when I want life'.

    You could call it - trying to do it as a
    POSITIVE CHOICE THAT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY AND PROUD rather than a A PAINSTAKING, SELF SHAMING, EVER DEEPER RUT WHERE I'M TRYING TO QUIT BECAUSE I THINK POORLY ABOUT MYSELF AND MY ACTIONS.


    Some of the last couple of years I started to get my energy level better. But this month I'm in the dumps bigtime. Erections are fine - but life is frustrating. Porn use has started bigtime... Doesn't feel like something that's working well for me that's for sure!

    What I see as possibly the problem at it's root: Marriage..

    Marriage was ending, now its back on... Was good for a while ... but now sadly, I feel unappreciated, and unadored.

    - QUESTION :
    Is this perception reasonable I should ask? Isit true, Am I actually not appreciated and adored - or is this a negative perception.. or brought about due to what I put out. If it is about my perception than I should learn love my wife/life fully. Otherwise I should have to make a change in the marriage family etc.... (or wait it until death)

    I think the best way I can decide whether I'm just being a whiner/baby is to do stuff that makes me feel great about myself. If that's happening I be able to assess things better and make the best choices- and then make the most out of whatever path I choose
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2019
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You basically answered yourself, which is good. It is rarely about our marriage. It is almost always about ourselves. This is a very hard thing for people, especially PMO addicts to see. By watching P we cut our own nuts off. It's a pattern that was established in childhood. The only way to a better life is by working on ourselves. There are no short cuts and no women out there who will value us just because we're nice. We must first value ourselves.
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  3. breath

    breath Member

    Saville, you suggest it's rarely about the marriage ...

    sometimes it is... sometimes not so much...

    my opinion.

    Obviously there are times when people foolishly blame the marriage for problems which are rooted elsewhere
     
  4. breath

    breath Member

    Well it is about all things. Working on ourselves of course - but importantly we have to work on our relationship in context to the world / to our spouse etc..

    If a spouse undervalues me, and is not giving I need to realize this not put my head in the sand and think the whole predicament is solely founded on me and my own doings. True, I may have allowed it, fostered it etc.. but I need to realize clearly what'd what about the world around me.

    If the root of the problem is that a spouse won't give back that should be realized - not simply and wholy attributed always to being about ourselves.
    The examination needs to be real - not myopic- but not shying away from the actions of all involved - husband ,wife ... whomever, whatever...
     

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