Trying to get started - but with a few questions

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by RemosLupin, Aug 22, 2017.

  1. RemosLupin

    RemosLupin New Member

    Hi there, everyone.

    I don't know how to start this so I guess I'll just introduce myself and my story. I'm a 25 yo gay guy who was in the closet until my 20's. Since I was afraid of trying anything with someone in real life because I didn't want people to know about me, I started to masturbate to gay porn at around 14. Something about 1 per day or 1 every 2 days. Sometimes more, sometimes less. When I turned 20 I went to live abroad and finally had a sexual relation with a guy and everything turned out great. We dated for almost 8 months and we had lots of oral sex (we didn't feel the need of penetration), my friend down here was working fine. During this time I was really addicted to sex and even though we used to do it almost everyday, I used to watch porn while I was alone or bored. The first time I noticed something wrong was when I first tried anal penetration. When I was putting the condom on, I lost my erection. I don't know if this affected me psychologically or anything, but after that I had a few hard times when performing penetration. I came back to my home country a few months after that.

    I used to feel attraction to other guys in here but some of them didn't turn me on at all. I dated someone for a few months and I totally got into the flatline. I dated another guy for over a year and in the beginning everything was fine but then I totally got into a place where I didn't feel anything when it came to sexual activity. I was feeling so lost! I couldn't get myself hard unless I watched porn. It's hard to go through this when you're gay and your partner is "working fine". Thoughts like "he must think that I don't find him sexually attractive" started to run in my head and I used to get really nervous when sex was put on the table.

    We broke up last year and now I'm with another boyfriend for almost a year now. I noticed that he could turn me on easily (I guess our chemistry is high) and in the first 4-5 months I had great erections (I didn't try anything with penetrations because I was afraid my erection would go away because of my incident in the past). For a couple of months now I feel like my libido is so low that I don't have any spontaneous erections or desire for sex. My parter is really sexual active and I feel so depressed because I can't keep up with his desires even though I want to! I don't feel like I need or want to have sex anymore, like I used to before and even sensibility is so damn low. I'm even having hard times to find good porn to masturbate to and that's when I decided to do something about it.

    I've read the websites and some of the journals around here and got really inspired to try to let go of porn for good. I still have some questions though and I hope someone can be my guide in this new road.

    1) I read that we need to avoid porn for good and any sexual activity that is transmitted like on TV/magazines, etc. A lot of people were talking about PMO also. It's really hard for me to get an erection without outside stimulation so I believe masturbating on my own would be an easy thing to avoid. What I wanted to know is: is normal orgasm allowed? do I need to stop having sexual intercourses with my partner? I still can get my dick hard sometimes and we have good sex but I don't know if this is something that should be avoided.

    2) Practicing exercises like playing bastketball/going to the gym help you get the libido back faster? I feel like I'm not doing anything healthy like that at the moment and don't know if this can be related.

    Thank you so much for your time.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  2. Spadeship

    Spadeship New Member

    Hello I’mintrested I’m an update

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