Trying to get started - but with a few questions

Hi there, everyone.

I don't know how to start this so I guess I'll just introduce myself and my story. I'm a 25 yo gay guy who was in the closet until my 20's. Since I was afraid of trying anything with someone in real life because I didn't want people to know about me, I started to masturbate to gay porn at around 14. Something about 1 per day or 1 every 2 days. Sometimes more, sometimes less. When I turned 20 I went to live abroad and finally had a sexual relation with a guy and everything turned out great. We dated for almost 8 months and we had lots of oral sex (we didn't feel the need of penetration), my friend down here was working fine. During this time I was really addicted to sex and even though we used to do it almost everyday, I used to watch porn while I was alone or bored. The first time I noticed something wrong was when I first tried anal penetration. When I was putting the condom on, I lost my erection. I don't know if this affected me psychologically or anything, but after that I had a few hard times when performing penetration. I came back to my home country a few months after that.

I used to feel attraction to other guys in here but some of them didn't turn me on at all. I dated someone for a few months and I totally got into the flatline. I dated another guy for over a year and in the beginning everything was fine but then I totally got into a place where I didn't feel anything when it came to sexual activity. I was feeling so lost! I couldn't get myself hard unless I watched porn. It's hard to go through this when you're gay and your partner is "working fine". Thoughts like "he must think that I don't find him sexually attractive" started to run in my head and I used to get really nervous when sex was put on the table.

We broke up last year and now I'm with another boyfriend for almost a year now. I noticed that he could turn me on easily (I guess our chemistry is high) and in the first 4-5 months I had great erections (I didn't try anything with penetrations because I was afraid my erection would go away because of my incident in the past). For a couple of months now I feel like my libido is so low that I don't have any spontaneous erections or desire for sex. My parter is really sexual active and I feel so depressed because I can't keep up with his desires even though I want to! I don't feel like I need or want to have sex anymore, like I used to before and even sensibility is so damn low. I'm even having hard times to find good porn to masturbate to and that's when I decided to do something about it.

I've read the websites and some of the journals around here and got really inspired to try to let go of porn for good. I still have some questions though and I hope someone can be my guide in this new road.

1) I read that we need to avoid porn for good and any sexual activity that is transmitted like on TV/magazines, etc. A lot of people were talking about PMO also. It's really hard for me to get an erection without outside stimulation so I believe masturbating on my own would be an easy thing to avoid. What I wanted to know is: is normal orgasm allowed? do I need to stop having sexual intercourses with my partner? I still can get my dick hard sometimes and we have good sex but I don't know if this is something that should be avoided.

2) Practicing exercises like playing bastketball/going to the gym help you get the libido back faster? I feel like I'm not doing anything healthy like that at the moment and don't know if this can be related.

Thank you so much for your time.

 

Hello I’mintrested I’m an update

 

1) on the initial reboot 90 days, no orgasm is 'allowed', however if you have a partner I think it is OK to have sex with him. Goal is to live life without porn to become better.
2) it is not strictly necessary, but living healthy helps. Also when stopping PMO energy levels get very high so you need healthy ways to deal with all the extra time and energy.

side-note: I had the same issue when I was younger with condoms. I was too desensitized by porn so I couldn't feel anything using a condom and it didn't work. After stopping porn I'm fine with condoms, I rather need to watch out not to go off too early.
Before when I was watching a lot of porn I could have sex for hours and needed porn fantasies to climax. Now it's more fun.