Hello, I'll start by introducing myself. I'm an 38 year old man. I've been PMO'ing for the last 25 years. In my case MO can't happen without P. Fantasy has never been there or has just been weak compared to P. The more I read on this website the more I understand that PMO was purely an outlet for my negative feelings. So mastering that feelings is probably a key to sucess. Mastering them is not (only) a matter of stopping my addiction but rather being able to gain more self control. I've been trying to refrain from PMO since my early 30's. Without luck of course because I was not prepared for the pitfalls in the long way ahead. When I turned 38 (in March) I once more promised myself to fight that inner devil. So I started reading a lot of journals and scientific articles on brain functions, neuroplasticity etc and I realised that the subject is way more complicated than I previously had imagined. Anyways, here I am now having spent the last 3 weeks of my life completely PMO free. It actually takes me by surprise that I haven't even had the sligthest urge to view P. Like I sit in front of the computer and the only thing crossing my mind is reading the news paying bills etc. Yesterday I experimented a bit with the idea of viewing P (having no urge) but I honestly my addicted braincells did not react at all. I know that it's way too early to arrive at this "stage" so I wonder if my mind is just playing tricks on me. Like it lets me believe that I'm on right track now and suddenly when summer arrives and clothes "shrink" from all sides, my addiction will catch me off my guard. All throughout these 2 weeks I've been feeling empty and weak like I'm the shadow of myself. But I know that after a big loss in our lives, experiencing and coming to terms with the void that follows is a necessary step to go forward. So I'm just being patient (luckily I'm good at being patient). That said, I have experience that during this period I've gone over from being reluctant to being able to confront others when there is need. I guess this is due to the elevated levels of hormones that run in my body at the moment. Then again, how is it possible that hormones (especially testosterone) are high but my little friend down there is hibernating? This morning I woke at at 6 because of morning wood. I hadn't experienced that in a long time and I was more surprised and happy for the return of my body's healthy functions than feeling any need to do something with it (MO). During my previous attempts I thought that there is no problem with MO during the recovery but now I can clearly see that it can greatly affect something in the brain and there is a risk that the addiction pathways gain strength. So I'd like to avoid that. But then again, why should one refrain from MO? I mean it's not a bad thing, if someone only uses his imagination or am I wrong? It's the only healthy way to MO. Or? Before I finish writing this, I'd like to say that I'm not the person to count the PMO-free days. I think there is no real need to do that, I know that I will need to be on the lookout for preventing relapses for the rest of my life, since I have an addiction prone mind. So counting days is futile, in my opinion at least. And I believe there is also a well hidden trap behind this 'days counting', when someone has reached a long time without PMO then his addicted braincells will probably trick him into thinking that he deserves a little PMO-gift. Relapses can also happen when someone is overly happy and excited and thus has less control over impulses. I'd like to share with you my feelings and questions during this journey. Also if anyone would like to become my accountability partner please let me know. Have a good afternoon and I wish we all inside here come closer to our goal sooner or later.