True Change's Journey to The Land Where The Hand Is Banned

Tuesday 7th June 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I stayed strict today. I did some push ups before getting out of bed in the morning. I didn't look at any social media today. I feel that hard mode is giving me more social confidence and energy but that might be a placebo. I had a very pleasant ten minute chat with a personal trainer at the weight lifting class tonight.

 

Great work!

 

Wednesday 8th June 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I did some push ups before I got out bed this morning. I meditated this morning and di my morning routine. I went to boxing training this evening and took a cold shower after I got home. I didn't have any cravings today. i didn't look at social media today or see any images of women.

I think I am on day 108 without looking at porn and on day 9 since I last masturbated.

Thursday 9th June 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

This morning I took a four minute colds shower. I played golf with my father this afternoon. In the evening I had dinner with my parents. I didn't go online all day.

Friday 10th June 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I fasted until eleven thirty this morning. I took a five minute cold shower before going out. I worked on a client job all afternoon. In the evening I did some reading and I continued working on the client job. I took a quick look at a girl's tiktok page while I was bored online at the library and had no plan for what I needed to do online.

Other than that I'm still in one hundred percent t hard mode. I am looking forward to being offline all weekend and feeling stronger every day.

 

Saturday 11th June 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I woke up early this morning to finish a job for a client. I went to the library as soon as it opened to and worked on it all morning. in the afternoon I did some reading and took a nap. I had steak and eggs at lunch time and steak and eggs again for dinner.

I was triggered by a email in notification in my inbox from a dating site. I logged in, had a look at the notifications and deleted the account. It's amazing how many of these prompts come out of nowhere in the modern world. I'm not complaining, it's just what we have to mange in the modern world. You can be going along on a clean nofap streak and boom! Out of nowhere comes an image or. notification to tempt you. You know you are on the path to recovery when you can deal look the image in the eye, tell it has no power to tempt you any more and carry on with your life.

Sunday 12th June 2022
I didn't look a pornography today.

I woke up with a higher than usual libido this morning. But I did just did some push ups and got up out of bed. Today I did some reading and wrote in my journal and did some laundry. I took my parents' dog for a walk. For some reason I had some fantasies when I was meditating, thinking about exes. I returned to my breathing and shifted my focus.

 

Monday June 13th 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I took a five minute cold shower at lunchtime and a four minute colds shower after boxing training in the evening. In the afternoon I took some notes on a book I read and then I went online to access my online banking and upload m my journal to this forum. I watched some YouTube videos today but they were all Q&A sessions with authors I like - I stayed away from any images of attractive women.

In three days I will go to work a summer job as a at university for eight to ten weeks. I am really looking forward to seeing what effect over 120 days of no porn has on my mood, my energy and how I relate to others. I will be around more real women too so it might help me rewire to just be in physical proximity to real women.

 

Tuesday 30th September 2022
I am back journaling for the first time since mid-June. The reason: I relapsed a lot over July, August, September - an average of once every 3 days or so.

Here are my stats before the binge period:
Mid-October 2021-Late January 2022: 107 days No PMO
Mid-February 2022-Mid June 2022: 128 days No PMO

I went to work at a summer placement and I made the mistake of taking my laptop with me and thinking I was going to study HTML in my free time.

When I arrived, I was positive and cheerful and got on well with everybody - full of good vibes after 8 months of NoFap training. That energy didn't disappear immediately after I relapsed - but I could feel after 8 weeks or so that I began to get irritated easier, my energy levels dropped and I had less desire to be around other people.

I was tired quite a few mornings because I stayed up late looking at images and videos. I also found it hard to push myself to go workout because I was tired from fapping. Whenever I had some time off I went in my room, closed the door and went online, either surfing or looking at porn. I could maybe have spent more time with other staff members had I not been been stuck in my room.

But the good part is I didn't beat myself up about relapsing - I just shrugged it off and was still professional in my work. Overall it was still a great summer - I really enjoyed myself and I think I can partly put it down to all the hard work doing Nofap from October 21 to June 22.

Here's what I learned:

I have had long streaks this year and I can do it again.

My plan now is to:
1. Journal daily on this forum to be accountable and help others.
2. Buy a pair of walking boots and place them by the door. Whenever I have an urge, I will step into my boots, lace them up and head out the door. A brisk 30-minute walk will kill most urges.

Persistence is the horse that wins.

 

Good to hear you @True Change

 

Thank you @Rudolf Geyse. Keep up the good fight.

 

Saturday 1st October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I fasted until 1pm this afternoon. I did some reading in the afternoon and then took a walk. I studied html in the evening. I looked at one girl's profile picture on Facebook this morning. Even though it's one day, success is built one day at a time and I today has been a success, every day clean is a success.

Sunday 2nd October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I cleaned the house in the morning then washed some clothes and did some ironing. I went to boxing training in the afternoon and went for a long walk afterwards. In the evening I browsed the internet. I looked a a couple of girl's profiles on Instagram - I know I need to cut that out.

Monday 3rd October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I was busy all morning and afternoon with a client job. The only time I saw an image was when I entered Facebook. Facebook is so tricky because I am a member of a group on there but once you enter the ecostystem they are experts at sucking us in.

Anyway, I didn't have any desires today. I am feeling more positive and optimistic. My goal is to make it clean until the end of the year. That will be right around ninety days.

 

Tuesday 4th October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

Today I studied and read in the morning. I went to the library in the afternoon to do some online tasks. In the evening I went for a walk and then did some more reading. I'm starting to feel a bit more energy and drive.

Wednesday 5th October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I was online all afternoon doing various tasks, not getting much done. My only sin was watching a YouTube video of attractive women walking around the streets of a big city. But I have a plan for reducing my YouTube habit.

I have been feeling pretty good these past few days. I feel I'm making progress in my life. My libido is still low and I have zero boners. I think I underestimate how long it will take to recover.

I read a great tip by author Cal Newport today. He said that if you want to reduce digital addictions in your life, the best way is not by removing screens but by adding enjoyable analog activities. The positive offline activities will squeeze out screen time.

Thursday 6th October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today.

I have been offline all day apart from one visit to amazon's page. I have been studying HTML and working on a client job and reading most of the day. I went for a walk in the evening.

I have been struggling to get up in the mornings for the past two weeks but this morning I was wide awake at seven fifteen and couldn't go back to sleep. So I think things are trending in the right direction. I still have zero libido and haven't had an erection in a couple of we since I started this streak.

I am on day seven.

Friday 7th October 2022
I didn't look at pornography today. I'm on day seven or eight.

I have hardly thought about women or sex in for the past eight days. I still am in a flatline, but that's fine.

My short term goal is to make it through to the end of October and reach thirty days. My eventual goal is to make it to new year and do ninety days. I'm a long way from that at the moment.

 

My advice is to be more active here, both on your journal and the journals of others. Keep on truckin'!

 

Thanks for the advice. I agree: the more time invest here, the more I am building my new identity of being a porn-free person.