True Change's Journey to The Land Where The Hand Is Banned

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by True Change, Jul 5, 2021.

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  1. True Change

    True Change Member

    Monday 1st November d011
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I'm on day fourteen. My goal is to do thirty days. That's the recommended period for dopamine reboot in the book Dopamine Nation.

    I am trying to reset my dopamine levels which is why I am posting about my diet and how much TV I watch on here. Today I didn't watch any television or any YouTube videos - no moving images at all today.

    I took two cold showers today but not they weren't under the waterfall head. I did a few errands today and made some changes to a client job. I went to boxing class from 6:30-7:30 pm. I didn't have any carvings today.. I had a couple of flashbacks but that's all. I am feeling pretty level.

    I will be home alone from Thursday to Sunday so I need to make sure I go to bed early and don't stay up late watching TV or I might get tempted.
    I am grateful for the library where I can do my work every day and the boxing gym where I can train three nights week.

    Tuesday 2nd November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day fifteen. I woke up naturally at 6:45am this morning, which is a good sign. I always find when I get on a good streak I start waking up earlier without an alarm.
    I didn't have any cravings or flashbacks today. I didn't watch any television today but I did watch a few YouTube videos so probably got some dopamine spikes there.

    Wednesday 3rd November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I'm feeling good. I didn't have any cravings or temptations today. I got up and did ten minutes of meditation this morning. Then I had a 50% cold shower and went to jujitsu training. I had a good training session. Maybe it's placebo but I was maybe a little sharper.

    After training I came home and had steak and eggs for dinner. Now I'm about to to bed - I'm feeling pretty tired.

    In this journal I'm going to note a random act of kindness I did during the day. I've read lot about the dopamine boosting effects of doing altruistic acts.

    Random act of Kindness Today: While I was waiting the bus stop an old man was walking towards me with cane. There wasn't enough space for him to pass. So instead of making him go round me to the side I moved forward and out of the way to clear a path for him. About five minutes later a young woman came the same way pushing a pram. I did the same for her as well.

    Gratitude: I feel grateful tor the feedback and advice I got from some of the guys in MMA class today.

    Thursday 4th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I'm on day seventeen or thereabouts. I noticed my voice is bit deeper today. I've been slipping on the rest of my routine though. I haven't had a cold shower in two or three days. I haven't done many bodyweight exercises the past few days. I watched lot of YouTube videos today because I've been home alone. But I didn't watch any television.

    I am determined to make it to thirty days.

    Random Act Kindness Today: I cooked breakfast for my parents before they went away to visit my sister.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful my local supermarket. They sell steaks in affordable packs that make it easy for me to eat well.

    Friday 5th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today. I think I am on day eighteen. I had a wet dream last night. I'm sure my brain is rewiring or healing or working through some things.

    Today I did some reading and took my parents' dog for a walk. I had couple of flashbacks but no major cravings. I didn't watch any television today but I did watch some YouTube videos. I feel like I'm in a pretty steady mood. I'm determined to make it through to day thirty.

    Gratitude: I am grateful for the overabundance of food options I have both at home and at the supermarket.

    Saturday 6th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today. Day nineteen. My voice is a bit deeper and clearer.

    I am getting more deep and restful sleep. I have some flashbacks come to me from time to time but I try not to hold them in my mind. I was irritated a couple of times with my family last week. I know irritability is a symptom of withdrawals but it could be nothing more than family stuff, addiction or not.

    When abstaining I feel I need something to look forward to. It's like my brain is looking for some kind of reward or milestone in the future to justify this pain of abstinence.

    Sunday 7th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day twenty. I have one ten more days to; reach my goal. It feels like a long time but I am looking forward to it. Dr. Anna Lembke said the final week of the thirty day abstinence period is when one starts to feel really good.

    I took my parents' dog for a walk today. I also did some reading and laundry. I didn't watch any TV but I watched a few YouTube videos. I didn't have any cravings today. I am confident I can make it another ten days.

    Gratitude: I am grateful for the quiet area I live in. I know some people find it hard to sleep because it's noisy where they live.
     
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Keep up the good work. I love the name of the thread by the way.
     
  3. True Change

    True Change Member

    Monday 8th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day twenty one. I am three quarters of the way to my goal. Today I I woke up naturally at around six forty five - I'm starting to wake up earlier now without an alarm. I meditated and I had a steak for lunch. I did some work and admin stuff in the afternoon. I went to boxing training tonight and I did some journaling after I got back.

    I feel emotionally stable and more resilient to stress . I feel that nofap won't change the world around us - it won't make every thing easy and rosy but it will make us stronger an more resilient. I am looking forward to this week because the fourth week is when people start feeling better during their dopamine fast.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful for the people I have interacted with today - the woman at the butchers, the staff at the library, the staff in the organic shop, the guys at the boxing gym. I feel like I am involved in the community.

    Tuesday 9th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I have done twenty two days now. Today I had a client project to keep me busy all day. I woke up early and worked there until five PM.
    I didn't watch any television or YouTube videos today, so no moving images at all. I'm looking forward to getting good deep sleep tonight and feeling great when I wake up tomorrow morning.

    Gratitude: I am grateful for the shared workspace I have in my town where I can go to work, focus and get lots done.

    Wednesday 10th November
    I didn't look at pornography today.

    I am on day twenty three of my streak. I did my ten minutes of meditation this morning.
    Today I went to jujitsu training. This might be a placebo, but in training today I was stronger and my stamina was better. I was more aggressive too.

    After I came home I had steak and eggs for dinner then I did some work in the evening.


    One change I've noticed is that the hot, lusty feelings have disappeared from my body. It's either a flatline or I'm slowly conquering lust.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful for all the interactions I have every day. The world would be a much lonelier and more boring place without interacting with different people every day.

    Thursday 11th November 2021
    I didn't look at pornography today.

    I am feeling more confident in general. Not just in one domain but like I can overcome life challenges and do difficult things. I am having some disagreements with my parents but I'm not letting anything get to me. I'm just keeping my head down and pushing on with one more day porn-fee.

    I didn't watch any television or YouTube videos today. I think this is a big part of not having cravings. I haven't seen any images at all today - no digital or print images. No videos at all. Any cravings come from inside my own head not from the outside world.
    I am going to make it to the end of the thirty days. My next goal after that will be to the end of the month.

    Gratitude: I am grateful for the services and people I have around me locally. Today I went into a Chinese takeaway place on the way home and asked if they had any chopsticks because I want to practice. They gave me some wooden ones.

    Friday 12th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day twenty five. This is the longest streak I've done this year. What I've noticed in the past three or four days is that my drive and ambition have started to come back. I've been working on my business after doing nothing for the past three months. I feel excited about what I'm creating and looking forward to the launch. It's like I have a bit of hunger for work back.

    My emotional mood is still all over the place. I still get irritated easily with my family and I still have down periods that might be due to the reboot.

    I had gotten in touch with Sexaholics Anonymous a few weeks ago. They messaged me back telling me to read a page on their website that explains sexual sobriety and decide if it's for me or not.

    They say sexual sobriety for a married person is no sex with themselves or anyone other than their spouse. I agree with at. Then it says for an unmarried person, sexual sobriety is freedom from any sex. I assume that means celibacy but I'm not sure if I understood it properly.

    If that is the case I'm not sure if SA is right for me. I remember hearing years ago, "Nofap isn't about being celibate; it's about not wasting your time fantasizing or looking at pixels of women who are not part of your life".

    This community advocates not looking at porn and masturbating to screens... and getting out there to date and rewire with a partner. I still want to have a long-term girlfriend/partner for life but I'm not sure if I'll marry.
     
  4. True Change

    True Change Member

    Saturday 13th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I've done twenty five days now. I went to the library this morning to use the computers, send some emails and work on my business. In the afternoon I did some journaling and some reading. This evening I had a steak with two eggs then I did some drawing. I feel pretty steady. I didn't watch any television today but I did watch around four YouTube videos. I feel pretty hopeful about the future and that things will get better.

    Gratitude: I am grateful for the delicious rib eye steak I had tonight. I know lots of people around the world are starving and even people in developed countries don't get to east that well.

    Sunday 14th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Today I meditated in the morning. I read a lot in the afternoon. I went for a walk in the evening and I did some drawing and journaling and now I'm about to go to bed.

    I still get irritated easily and that's sign of withdrawal. I have periodic flashback but I don't do anything bout them. Doing push ups as before I get out of bed has helped me avoid fantasizing and fapping before I get up. Even when I don't achieve much during the day I tell myself it's successful day when I don't look at pornography or masturbate.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful for the people who trimmed all along the hedge and path where I walk. They cleaned it up a lot and made it lot easier to walk.

    Monday 15th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day twenty eight. A full four weeks since I looked at pornography or masturbated. I am two days away from my thirty-day goal.
    I am noticeably irritable but I don't know if that's just life stuff that happens to us all.

    Today I meditated when I got up. I did some work this morning then I went to the library in the afternoon to email a few messages and post job for some freelancers.

    In the evening I went to boxing. In the last two Brazilian Jujitsu and boxing sessions I have felt an increase in my aggressiveness. Anyone who knows me will say I am the most laid-back, placid guy ever. I'm too much of a nice guy for combat sports. I wonder if nofap has released some much needed fire or anger that is good for someone like me? The ability to get a little aggressive when needed. I only mention this because I've never lost my cool in three years of bjj. But last week I noticed a tiny bit of anger sneaking building up during sparing. It was the same when I was sparring in the ring last night.

    I am grateful that I get the chance to make up for all this time lost to nofap.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
  5. True Change

    True Change Member

    Tuesday 16th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day twenty nine. I will make it to my goal of thirty days.

    Today I meditated in the morning. I watched some boxing videos on YouTube but no television today. I have lot going on this week but I don't feel stressed by it.

    The waterfall colds showers have gone - it's just too damn cold here. While tidying today I was ;in my room, I put some music on and I caught myself dancing like a happy fool in the mirror.

    Temptations are still everywhere - on YouTube I'll see a video thumbnail of a girl in a bikini. I have to discipline myself not to click.

    Random Act of Kindness: An elderly lady was truing her car around on my road and I helped her reverse and turn around;.

    Wednesday 17th November 2021
    I did it - I hit my goal of 30 days without looking at porn or masturbating. This is the longest streak I've had this year. I had a bunch of 21 to 24-day streaks but this is the first time I've reached 30.

    I'm proud of this because it is the first 100% hard-mode streak I've done. In the summer of 2019, I did 46 days but I was peeking at girls and messaging them on Facebook. I edged a couple of times as well. Technically, I didn't look at porn or orgasm but it was far from a clean streak.

    But I can say with my hand on my heart that for the past thirty days I haven't touched myself at all. I haven't looked at single porn image or video or any social media or any images of women.

    I am now aiming to keep going till the end of November - to make it a totally clean month.

    I think the secret to this steak has been media management. On my laptop, I've disabled all images in Chrome. And the screen goes dark after sundown so it's hard to see anything, making it inconvenient for me to use at night. I gave up TV around a couple of months ago and that has helped.

    The way I figured it, all porn comes through a screen. A screen is the portal. So if I avoid those then I avoid porn. To fill the void I've developed lots of analog hobbies - drawing , journaling, reading, walking juggling, boxing and martial arts.

    Cold showers and intense bodyweight exercises got me through the first two weeks. But I've fallen off those now- it's gone so cold here I can't make myself do the waterfall cold shower. And I've been busy with work stuff so I haven't done many bodyweight exercises at home.

    I haven't had any superpowers yet. My emotions oscillate between Zen calm and irritable.

    Lastly I want to say thank you to every one here. Writing every day has become a habit and while it isn't a magic bullet, just posting, reading other people's journals and commenting helps too.

    Cheers.

    Thursday 18th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day 31. I'm glad I got through today. I thought I was going to celebrate achieving my 30-day goal by relapsing and indulging. But I didn't. I kept my streak going.

    Today I meditated in the mornings soon I got up . I did some reading in the afternoon and I did some client work this evening. My goal now is to get to the end of November and make it a clean month. I'm still not waking up early and I slept poorly last night.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful for the time I have to practice my hobbies every day.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
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  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

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  7. True Change

    True Change Member

    Thanks @Rudolf Geyse . See you getting to 30+ days kept me inspired and on track.
     
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  8. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Congrats on 30+ days clean from me also, True Change. Well done.
     
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  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    That's awesome.
     
  10. True Change

    True Change Member

    Friday 19th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today .

    Day 32. I felt better when I woke up this morning and I've been feeling good all day. My voice has changed. There is more resonance in my chest and in my throat, as if my vocal chords are thicker.

    I did lots of reading this morning. This afternoon I went to the library to send some emails to contractors and to update my journal and check the forum. I went to boxing training this evening. I was sharp in sparring.

    Saturday 29th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Today I went to a fight event with the guys from my MMA club. It was a series of cage fights in an arena with around two thousand people in the audience. I really enjoyed it, being out with other people, getting out of the house and totally away from screens. In my opinion this is the away to live life - experiences with other people. I was there from around 2PM till 9PM.

    I remember reading a reboot account by a guy was struggling with social anxiety. He said that just beings out in the world made him feel better, like he was part of society. I don't suffer from social anxiety but I know that he means. We are social animals and there is something that makes us feel good to be among people. Even though I only knew 20-odd people at fight event, just being in an arena with three thousand other people made me feel like part of society, it gave me good energy. This is a feeling we can never get from screens.

    Today I didn't watch any YouTube videos or watch TV. I was only online for 15 minutes to answer emails.

    Sunday 22nd November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Today I meditated in the morning. I then did some journaling. I went out for lunch with my parents. I read in the afternoon then I went for a walk through the fields. I watched golf on TV in the evening .

    The voice changes from nofap are real. I have much more resonance in my chest when I speak. I'm no James Earl Jones by any means but I feel I've dropped from a low tenor into baritone range. Having a stronger voice also makes me want to speak more, so I'm more engaged with people and more likely to speak up. I speak more clearly so people can hear me better and understand me.

    Monday 22nd November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I still have fantasies that come into my mind - especially in my dreams. I kept myself busy today: I went to boxing training in the evening. Overall I feel more confident - more swilling to be assertive and say what's on my mind.

    Another day free.

    Tuesday 23rd November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.
    Day 36. This morning I did ten minutes of meditation then I did some drawing and journaling. In the afternoon I went to the library to send some emails. I came home and had dinner. I had a long phone conversation with a friend of mine.

    My goal now is to make it to forty days. I have a boxing fight on Sunday December 5 so I want to store up all my strength and energy and be at my best for that.

    I didn't watch any television today but I did watch around four YouTube videos about coordination and using chopsticks.

    Wednesday 24th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I'm still chugging along, 37 days hard mode. This morning I meditated then I had a steak for breakfast and left for jiu jitsu class. I trained all afternoon. When I came back this evening I did some drawing and journaling. I'm feeling pretty tired now and I'm about to go to bed at 9:30.

    I'm confident I can make it to the end of the month now and make it a clean month. My target is next Wednesday December 1.

    Gratitude: I'm grateful for the books I have to read an all those that are available to me through Amazon and the library. Yesterday I counted all the books I have read this year (I make a note of all books I read). In 2021 I have read 44 books so far. I plan to read lot less in 2022 because I feel I'm consuming rather than creating. But I would much rather read a book than watch TV or surf the net.

    I had never though about it before but this year has been the best nofap year I've had ever - multiple 21-24-day streaks and this one (37 days and counting). I've also read a ton of books as well so maybe it's not a coincidence.

    Thursday 27th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today. I'm still going strong. My emotions have evened out lot now - I'm not as irritable as I was in the first two weeks. I didn't watch any television today. I did watch around nine YouTube videos, mainly about martial arts, business and juggling. I meditated this morning. I had a steak for lunch. Then I did some drawling and some journaling. In the afternoon I went to donate blood.

    I have noticed slight difference in my mood.- I'm not bouncing off the walls or anything, but I do feel more hopeful and optimistic about the future. I'm also more chatty and conversational with people. It's a slight but noticeable personality difference.

    Friday 26th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Day 39 today. I haven't had any really bad cravings. I have more energy - Last night I didn't sleep well but I still went to boxing training tonight. In the past I would have stayed home and relaxed. I get a lot of images or adult stars and flashbacks in my dreams. I've been keeping a dream journal for bout a year now. I think it must be my bran rewiring during REM sleep. Maybe my brain is filtering through old fantasies and images.
    I didn't watch any television today. I watched around four YouTube videos on martial arts.

    Saturday 28th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    I hit my goal - 40 days without looking at pornography and without masturbating. I thought I would relapse at thirty days after hitting my goal but I've checked off another ten days easily.

    My next goal is the end of November, to make it a clean month. The irritability has definitely gone away. I think that was as symptom of the dopamine deficit state I was in for the first three weeks or so. Things aren't bothering me half as much.

    Sunday 28th November 2021
    I didn't look at porn today.

    Last night was challenging. I woke up at around 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. I began fantasizing but I didn't touch myself and the thoughts soon disappeared.

    I'm going through some issues and arguments with my parents at the moment. In the past I would have found comfort in porn and masturbation but I'm keeping it it together and staying strong on the path. My nofap streak is helping me rise about the arguments. I remember what Russell Brand's accountability partner told him when he Brand messaged him saying he felt the urge to relapses: " I don't know what's going in your life right now but I know porn won't make it better." Amen to that.

    Today I didn't watch any television or any YouTube videos.

    Gratitude; I'm grateful for the friend who called me tonight. I'm planning to visit him over the New year. It gives me something to look forward to.
     
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  11. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Good job True Change. Sounds like you're settling into a routine and finding some balance/consistency. Drawing, martial arts, meditation - a nice range of activities/hobbies to be involved with. Steak for breakfast, o_O that's hardcore.
     
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