Trouble making friends

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by Hambone, Oct 20, 2023.

  1. Hambone

    Hambone New Member

    39 yo single father here.

    I was trying to think about what my first post should be and thought 'why not make it about something I've struggled off and on with for years?'. So now I'm going to let it all out before I'm too anxious to post anything lol

    To start off, I have dealt with depression and anxiety constantly since I was a kid. In recent years, I was diagnosed with ADHD which helped to explain a lot of things about myself and through my life. If you know you know so after reading this, get back to your new project lol.

    I have not had the best experiences with male figures in my life and have avoided them for most of my life, which I understand is a therapy issue (therapy's never helped me personally). I feel awkward, clumsy, unsure of myself, anxious when talking to other males. That means of course being friends with women which sounds ok but it usually ends up being that either we catch feels for one another or one of us catches feels for the other and the dynamic changes, like an unspoken awkwardness hangs in the air. This happens even with boundaries set and made clear. Other times, there's no 'friend spark' or similar interests and it fizzles out rather quickly.

    I'm starting to suspect my anxiety is related to my porn addiction (shocker, I know). I can talk to people easily, but I don't get a lot of enjoyment from it like I used to. It's like the interest lasts as long as the conversation and/or I feel like a robot going through the motions most days.

    I believe what I'm trying to get at, is has anyone been in a similar situation and has any tips they can share on making, and keeping, friends and maybe overcoming the anxiety when talking to people?
  2. BackOnTrack

    BackOnTrack Active Member

    I can relate to not being able to feel enjoyment when talking to others after watching porn.
    Especially if it's the same day. Eventually it would be an argument for myself to stop myself from watching porn that day when I know I would go out with friends later.
    Because it wouldn't be enjoyable.

    Making friends becomes harder as you age as most are so busy with their jobs and families but it should get easier when the kids get older.
    I have a colleague at work in his 50s that restarted his old rock band again, which is quite cool.

    As long as you don't enjoy talking to someone it is difficult to become friends I'd say.
    So perhaps it would be good to do an activity you enjoy and find someone there that shares this passion.

    With female friends I would be fine just meeting and talking.
    With men it is different. Men usually either do sports together or go to a bar. (from my experience)

    I also have some anxiety but not so much with my friends rather around the work environment.

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