[trigger warning] what constitutes unacceptable porn?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by nikali, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. nikali

    nikali New Member

    Hi all,

    I'm new to the forum and just considering how I should deal with my porn habit (I accept it is addiction but I think not too developed - fortunately).

    Just to give you a bit of history:

    I'm 29, I've been viewing porn since around 15 maybe and progressed into regular viewing of hardcore video's at around 20. I have in the past collected lots of clips of various varieties and bought DVDs of some stuff. At some times I've progressed into fairly extreme material but usual go off it when I really think about what's involved.

    I've had a long term girlfriend for the last 5 years who I love very much (we've just bought our 1st house and I hope to marry her). She became aware that I view porn after about 6-months. She is very uncomfortable with porn, partly because of her 1st boyfriend who was very disrespectful. We had a big argument about it and I cut down considerably.

    Since then I watched it on and off, but never really cut it out completely (I suppose you'd call that relapsing repeated). She has found out that I still watch it a few times and every time we have a big argument followed by a lull in my habit. After the last one I've decided I have to take more effective measures. My relationship with my partner is far more important and I don't want my habit to escalate.

    So I've deleted the few videos I have on my PC, the only thing I've kept are a few pictures of my partner. I have signed up for K9 web-filter and will be letting my partner set the password.

    In the mean time, my question is what constitutes unacceptable pornography?

    I accept that a lot porn is derogatory to women and breeds disrespect towards women (and men in cases). It is undoubtedly contributing to issues of under-age sex, sexual assault etc etc.

    But withstanding the issue of escalation, is admiring an attractive lady in skimpy clothing in a suggestive pose really that bad? My favourite site (which I will no longer be viewing), is a blog of photos with women in their underwear - generally they don't show more than nipples.

    If that's too much; are non-nude glamour photos of poplar models such as those found in FHM or Maxim okay (I'm from the UK)?

    Or going the other way; is something like amateur porn between fully consenting adults possibly featuring oral, anal, cumshot etc but most importantly where all participants are enjoying the whole process, acceptable?

    I like to think I'm an attentive lover, although I get wrapped up in the moment I'm always conscious of my partner enjoying it. I think this is reflected in my taste in porn - my core interest is the concept of women enjoying themselves and not really men enjoying women.

    I suppose in an ideal world, I'd like to ditch the possibility of wandering towards hardcore but still be able to enjoy occasionally viewing softcore material. That may not be possible and my partner might not think it's enough.

    Sorry this has turned into a right epic, if anything I'm finding it useful to put my thoughts in writing. However I do think it would be interesting to hear the view point of people who have enjoyed porn but fully understand the damage it can cause.

    Best regards

    Nick
     
  2. Chezdon

    Chezdon New Member

    Hmm a tricky question and I've asked myself the same.

    My problem is hardcore porn gives me false expectations of what real sex is like (unless you're really lucky of course) so I end up fantasizing about scenes I've seen before in my head when having real sex.

    However, just looking at pictures of naked women might not seem so bad then. But then I'm never having sex with 10/10 women like you see on the internet, so again, I have false expectations.

    So my only option is to not look at any sort of women on the internet. Yeah if I glance at the magazine stand in the gas station I won't berate myself, but I'm trying my best to stay clear of everything. I think (and hope) it's for the best.
     
  3. Primetime

    Primetime New Member

    I think the best one to judge what is unacceptable porn, is you. You know what gets you going: stay away from it.
     
  4. Shaman

    Shaman New Member

    Attractive women posing in sexy lingerie was probably your first fapping material in your early teens. While they may not arouse you now because your brain has been heavily desensitized, they may be a huge trigger as your reboot progresses. It may even delay your reboot. I would say avoid all sorts of suggestive, sexy, softcore imagery.

    Besides, isn't one of the main reasons of abstaining from PMO to get us aroused by real-life 3D women with all their 'flaws and imperfections'? Those models in men's magazines are absolutely flawless with perfect bodies (and a healthy dose of photoshopping). That creates unrealistic expectations of what real-world women should look like, and can make you be put-off by them.
     
  5. Johnny Rotten

    Johnny Rotten New Member

    I think today we are constantly under sexual pression.

    You can't watch TV without seeing commercials with sexy girls and/or sexual messages.
    This just leads to desensitization as porn does for porn users.

    I mean: I remember when I started masturbating.
    First, I didn't even need pics.
    Then came masturbation to pics. Even to very innocent pics.
    Then came PMO. Early it was to simple nude pics. Then lesbians. Then hardcore. Fortunately I didn't escalate to fetish.

    But I guess that, even if I hadn't discovered porn, today I wouldn't be able anymore to MO to nude pics, such as those on FHM/Maxim etc.

    So I think it's not a problem of acceptability. As it is well explained by Gary, it is a matter of novelty.
    Some people escalate to fetish stuff not because they think it is acceptable... instead, it's escalation that scares them.
    They go for it because the previous stuff has become boring. The new fetish stuff is still unacceptable for your rational brain, but you need it to be aroused.
     
  6. nikali

    nikali New Member

    Hi all, thanks for the responses gives me something to think about. I wasn't really asking what was acceptable during reboot - I agree it's best to attempt cutting out everything possible.

    I was more pondering the morality of it. I suppose because part of the reason I'd like to stop viewing or at least significantly cut down is I think a lot of the porn industry is resting on shady morals.

    Thanks again

    Nick
     
  7. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I'll quote Gary Wilson here: "if you have to ask yourself if something is porn, then it probably is".
     
  8. Nedrek

    Nedrek New Member

    Depends on what morality you're aiming for. If your main concern is the shady morals of the porn industry that's one thing. If you see it as 'wrong' to get synthetically aroused, that's another.

    In your case, as a recovering addict I would advise avoiding it in general.

    If you're mostly concerned due to your girlfriend's objections I think it would be best to find out what she thinks is acceptable.


    In my opinion, even with the blog of underwear pics you can't answer the question of "why am I looking at this" with anything but "To get aroused." Bingo, that's porn.
     
  9. THIS
     
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Let's put ti simply: anything that you can fap to = PORN.
     

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