Transforming a life by transforming a mind from the inside out

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by TruettW, Jun 1, 2014.

  1. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Day 3 -- Morning

    Just thinking about having to go to work tomorrow turns my stomach... gotta try to relax and think less.
  2. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Take the emotion seriously, but do not let yourself be driven by it.
    I heard Parker Palmer talk once -- I wasn't sure if it was about depression or just a particular treaded reality: "If you can't get out of it, you have to go through it."
    May it be a way through that will leave you feeling accomplished
  3. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you back, Truett.:)

    Ah yes, work. The inevitable Monday Morning Blues. Are you thinking/dreaming of more fulfilling work? I remember you had a side-biz back in the day... how is that going?
  4. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Day 0 -- Evening

    Sorry guys. My nerves are shot. It doesn't take much of a mishap for me to have not just a relapse but a breakdown.

    railbird, thanks for the good advice! I'll practice managing my mental state.

    Mendoza, the side biz is going well but I can't make a living out of it yet. But it's my goal and dream and within the realm of the possible.
  5. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    How is it going over there?
  6. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Day 0 -- Evening

    I had a few good days there. But then I had the sort of relapse that you all probably know:

    Urges appear after a while of easy going
    There is a minor thought that I shouldn't do it
    I do it anyway, as if it doesn't count
    After O I suddenly remember: "Oh yeah... this was exactly the kind of crap I'm not supposed to do!"

    Here we go again.

    MarstonS, Lion, Fry2, thanks for checking up on me. I'm afraid I'm not a good forum member at the moment. But I've got a good mind to reboot. I've always been the kind of guy who needs a reason to reboot. I myself should be it, but somehow that hasn't been enough. I might not appreciate myself enough. Certainly I have difficulties in managing my emotions. When the going gets tough, I want to hide somewhere and M.
  7. clean

    clean Active Member

    Anything you do to shortcurcuit that first knee jerk reaction to your urges? Wipe off dust from your toolbox and get back into the game dude ;)
  8. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    You know how to do this True. Just get some of that bloody-mindedness back and power through the first week.
  9. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    But you're back.. so that is a sign of commitment, and to good cause. I've been thinking the other day that being here for quite some time makes the whole business of rebooting seem so heavy, like carrying an albatross on the shoulders. But disappearing altogether does not solve it either, so I rather think it's a good way to track daily behavior, if nothing else.
  10. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    I know what you mean when you talk about that addictive cycle, those nagging thoughts, then the realizing thought that come too late and so on.
    That is why I understand now, that parts of us will always be addicted. We can manage it however, and rid ourselves of all negative effects of the addiction, and this is worth fighting for.

    Let's focus on basics, and work on recovery.
    Confront our own shadow. And try and connect with others for a life that can be much more fulfilling.
  11. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Couldn't agree more with the last two lines above... Truett: time to come out of the fox hole and catch some of those golden rays!:)
  12. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    I came to this board many years ago. I think it was 2012. I was out of work, alone and pretty miserable. Picture a man adrift on a sea.

    When I started to look for a job, guys here supported me by giving tips on how to write an application, what to say in a job interview and so on. That was great help and I succeeded. Today, I earn over ten times the money I did then. I have the job I dreamed about, only to find out that reality was not up to the dream. Still, fighting PMO gave my life a new direction in many ways. The key was this board. When the urges appeared, I would type here. Either about what I was going through or to support someone else.

    I wish I could say that I'm happy. I don't feel like it. I've had successes and failures. People close to me have serious worries. My dream is of a family of my own and it is still unfilled. But I'm in a position where it can be possible.

    I'd like to say that without PMO your problems will disappear, but that wouldn't be true. PMO causes problems but we are drawn to it to escape other problems... hurt inside, unsolved issues, negative feelings like fear. Of course PMO makes everything worse, it depletes motivation, extinguishes that fire we need to have going inside to be able to thrive.

    What I can say is that the future is never as bleak as it appears to be to someone struggling with these issues. Life gives breaks for everyone to succeed. The catch is that we need to be in a state where we can recognize these opportunities and act upon them. So if you lose hope, then tell yourself, now I will continue without hope. Don't trust that negative inner voice that says things like "One more PMO and then I'll stop for good" or "It's all pointless, I might just as well PMO to have something good in my life." Learn to recognize the voice of that internal betrayer. It does not have real power over you. You can choose to not do what it says.

    Try to eat good food that you make yourself. Sleep enough. Get exercise. If you are worried about PIED, when you find the right girl and the time comes, take it slow. You just might need an hour or so of kissing, touching and such things. Good things come to those who wait.

    And remember that you are not alone. You have many brothers who share these challenges!
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It's good to hear from you again. The advice is spot on and I regret not following it despite telling myself to time and time again.
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Awesome to hear from you, TruettW! Hope to see many more posts on your journal.

Share This Page