"Relitigating our pasts" is an excellent way to put it, Moz. Now that my regret is in abeyance I can see clearly that it's the addict part of my brain that wishes me to remain stuck. I don't think I'm in any danger of making some of my mistakes again, but patterns in life have a way of remanifesting themselves. I may not lie, cheat, and watch P, but I'm still not reaching out and grasping hold of that ring of truth inside me. I suppose we never get there, but to not try is a bloody shame. Yes, this is the situation I'm in. My wife hasn't brought up the past in a long time, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad about stuff. The other day we were embracing and she was filled with light and love. She was having a moment of real happiness, while I, on the other hand, felt badly about the things I'd done. Thanks for posting, Badger. I've learned a lot from you, too. At the moment I'm feeling pretty good. Like I said above, the negative thoughts just stopped one day, which is in keeping with: "and this too shall pass." I do sometimes wish I could do a complete factory reset and just wipe the slate clean; but that ain't gunna happen. I clean slate means being brought up by perfect parents, always being treated well by others, and never having any problems. That sort of sanitized life wouldn't be very interesting, though, would it? This is why some people walk away from their lives in live in caves, I guess. I have no idea what we, the collective, live for, but my guess is it isn't a suburban life.
