Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I read yesterday that very few men, 60 and over, take ED meds. Most ED meds are prescribed to people in their 40's and early 50's. Wow, that surprised me! I also read that the efficacy of ED drugs in the over 60 crowds is not that good. The article was in Psychology Today. What's my own experience? I've never taken ED meds, though as I've mentioned, I'm not against them, not at all.

    When I found this place six years ago my pecker didn't really work. I would have to choke the chicken mercilessly, all the while trying to find that perfect P clip. Sometimes I couldn't cum at all and would have to take a break for a few hours. Often I would cum with a semi-flaccid dick. The O's were unremarkable. Sometimes I'd wonder if I even had had an O. Anyway, I bought into what people were saying on this website and it didn't take long before the penis was responding pretty well. After a few months I was having pretty good sex with good boners; I was 58.

    Everything wasn't perfect, because nothing ever is, but my ED was gone, my DE a thing of the past (mostly), and I didn't fear having sex. Getting past the fear was huge, but I just kept telling myself "what have you got to lose?" I made sex all about myself and I didn't care a wit whether the old girl got her rocks off, or not. I tried (still do) to stay present in the love-making and not drift off into fantasy. But, sometimes I did fantasize a little and it actually helped the boner.

    At almost 65 I still have sex with the old lady, though it has become less and less frequent. She's older than me and is just not that into it. Some days she surprises me, but mostly it's me bugging her about it. Getting older basically sucks! lol My equipment still operates well. I would say I have less capacity than I did at 58. I have definitely diminished physically. I'm not a fat slob anymore, and take care of myself better, but aging has its way of getting its hooks in you. It would be easy to despair, but I can't turn back the clock. With this in mind I try to do things every day that feel fun and keep my brain alive. I make it a point of complimenting my wife, telling her she looks great, even when she looks like a haggard witch. :D I hug her all the time. In fact, I don't let her pass by me with at the very least a hand hold. This kind of, possibly annoying, behavior (for her) keeps me engaged. I also like to walk around naked (for a few minutes each day), because the air on my body makes me feel more tuned into my own skin, my own presence.

    I try not to look into the future and think "I wonder if I'll still be able to have sex when older." I take it as it comes or cums.:cool: Have you ever been the gym and watch the muscle heads slapping each other hard on the chest. I guess it makes them feel kind of angry and helps with their lifting. It also makes a person feel present, too, I'm guessing. Well, I have my own version of this. So, when I need it, or need to feel like I'm actually a vital human living on this planet, I do my own version of slapping myself. I'm not the older dude who is diminishing, not the guy who feels a bit tired all the time, but a God ready to eat the sun.
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  2. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I've often thought that the proliferation of ED meds has more to do with guys being addicted to porn than anything else. Men in their 40's and early 50's are going through mid-life crisis, too, so both of these things conspire to make them want to perform like stallions for as long as possible. They miss the not-so-distant past, when the pecker was a reliable steed. And their wives are still wanting the bone too. That's quite a generalization, but by and large, middle aged people know that old age is coming, and they better start coming before it's too late :D
    That's the ticket. Do the work, and the results will follow.
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, too true. I talked to a young guy (mid 30's) who said he had ED all through his 20's until he ditched P. Well, there are enough guys on this forum who can attest to that, as well. A couple of guys my age have told me they've been impotent since their mid-40's, which is so unnecessary as well as being sad. What torture for them to have gone through. Now that they're in their 60's they're resigned to the fact that they are castrated lapdogs. What's great about this place is that at least men can talk about their issues and receive support. In a "men are toxic" world it can be so lonely and isolating to go through this alone. One guy thought he might have been gay. I said "were you ever attracted to men?" He said "no, not really." I said "you weren't and are not gay. You just got beaten down and had no one to support you." We can really get tied up in our own heads, can't we?

    The last couple of sentences of my previous post might sound a bit arrogant. What I was trying to convey is that I create a scenario where I am the most important person in my life; this helps me cope with all that's going on, such as my past history and aging. Sometimes I feel like a wuss, a little bitch, who will never get much out of life again. But, I know I have to quickly dismiss these feelings or they will overwhelm me.

    Yesterday I was jacked up. I wanted sex so bad and it surprised the hell out of me. But, the wife was going there. She's got a cold, she's feeling old, she's this, she's that. I started feeling pissed off, but realized I had three choices. One, feel pissy all day. Two, jack off. Three, enjoy that rare feeling when my libido is running high. I opted for the latter and it was kind of cool. Sex would've been better, but I was able to enjoy the feeling of desire in my crotch. I'm not going to cheat on my wife again, so I'll just have to navigate being an older dude who has a senior citizen for a wife.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I felt just as jacked up yesterday and so I made it my mission to get my wife in the sack. She balked at first, but finally relented. In her mind she was doing a job, like washing the dishes, but once we started she got into it. A woman's vaginal wall thins as she ages and so sex can become uncomfortable...either that or my penis has grown. :eek::rolleyes: Anyway, it was fun! I've got a bit of the old chaser-effect this morning, but I can deal.

    Senior sex. It's a thing. I have stopped trying to "stay" young, which created a cloud over my mind. In my 40's I thought "is this all there is?" In my 60's I think "how much longer until the body breaks down?"o_O So, each decade can feel isolated for different reasons. But I feel a certain sense of contentment, at least today :), about embracing my older self. I want to relish what I can do.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2022
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    December 15th is my last day of work. :cool: I'm not going to miss it one bit. I also won't miss any of my co-workers. Some of them suck shit, while others are just benign presences. There is no one from my workplace that I will associate with once I walk out that door. They gave me a plaque and a gift card. :rolleyes: I threw the plaque in a garbage can not far from the building. :D There are a couple of people who want to go for a drink but I'm not going to go. Sayonara suckers!

    My job was kind of like my porn use, it was something I did because it was the path of least resistance. I was too chicken and powered down to do what I really wanted, so I just stayed at a monotonous, useless, job because it was easy and paid well. My wife didn't give a frig about my dreams, my potential, or future possibilities; she was just happy I was bringing home $$$$$. It didn't matter when we weren't having sex for years, or when she caught me crying unhappily in the basement. Nope. She had her fantasy of "happy family" and she felt like a star. Anyway, not to dis on the old girl, but now I'm going to do what I want.

    The first thing I'm going to do is buy a nice bike, my own Xmas present. By bike I mean bicycle. It's not going to be electric, because for me the idea of cycling is to actually get exercise. I'm all for those of you who like them, but with my new body, the no longer fat one, I intend on putting on some miles the old-fashioned way.
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  6. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Saville. I'm envious! Yesterday was a super stressful day for me at work, so the idea of chucking it and retiring never sounded better.
    You deserve to get the bike you want, spend time the way you want, and just be more of who you want to be.
    Saville likes this.
  7. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Congrats Saville on your retirement! Big step.

    will be some adjustments as you will have a lot more time to yourself. But I sense you already know that and are embracing it.

    enjoy the next chapter of your life my friend!
    Saville likes this.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    LOL, I can picture this :D

    So, this is quite a big thing right? Maybe this was even the last remnant of your 'old life' and old behaviour? Looking forward to see what this change brings for you, Saville. Many good things for sure.

    Oh and I completely agree with your opinion on e-bikes, mostly because I get super annoyed when I am putting a lot of effort to defy strong winds cycling to work and some teenager on an e-bike passes me by with one hand loosely on the steer.
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey thanks for the responses gents and also the likes! :)

    We don't have to live a small life. It isn't lack of money, or sex, or a partner that limit our lives, it's humor. When we can't laugh at this comedy then we are doomed. I'm sick to the teeth of serious people with their serious big world problems. You'd think people like living inside a pressure cooker. I guess they do - I did. I thought that pressure cooker was my life and that the release of steam was helping me move forward. No! There is no pressure cooker unless we invent one.

    I was reading about Pablo Picasso. He was a basically a dick, but he loved life and was creative into his 90's. Look what he gave the world! Even if you don't admire his paintings there's no doubt he changed the way we all look at things. He saw beyond the "realistic". He was curious, he had hunger, real hunger.

    I'm sitting at my desk, in my office, and I'm not doing a lick of work. No sir. I'm not going to do any work over the next two weeks. What are they going to do? Fire me? :D I masturbated at this desk a number of times. I closed the blinds, locked the door, and had good old PMO sesh.:oops: ha ha I wonder how many other guys (gals?) are doing the same? I never put much effort into the old job and now I'm putting in zero effort.:p Life never felt so good. :cool:

    @Gil79 , yeah, unless my knees stop working I'm going to stick with a traditional bike. I have an old mountain bike, but I think I'm going to get a touring bike and go for an extended ride. I've thought about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, but it seems to always be on fire somewhere. Plus, I don't think I want to be out in the boonies that long.
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  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Not behind my desk (although I know of an old colleague of mine who got caught PMO-ing behind his desk), but definitely at work on the toilet
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I read a book recently "Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain." It talks about how the brain is formed and how neurons can have more than one use. For instance, neurons that help us see, located in the occipital lobe, can become smelling or hearing neurons if one loses their sight. Cool! Also, the brain prunes branches of neurons if they aren't being used. If you grew up speaking only your native language then the neurons that affect speech will prune sounds that are not needed. It's why some Asians have trouble with L and R. Because those two consonants aren't needed in their language it is not efficient for the brain to keep those pathways open, hence the pruning.

    So, it's not just that "neurons that fire together, wire together," it's also that when we indulge in PMO our brain prunes away our natural responses. Our job is not just to rewire the brain, but to allow the brain to grow new tendrils. Every time we peek, or indulge in a sesh, we are complicating the process of healing on two fronts. A rewiring brain isn't just about chemicals, but it's also about regrowth.
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    If you peek at subs then you've diminished yourself.

    If you beat off to fantasy you are your hand's bitch.

    If you PMO then you are the bitch-whore of porn.

    If you do all three then you may as well tell everyone you've transitioned and now have a cunt.

    Abstention from the above means your dick has a purpose. When a dick has a purpose it rises to every occasion.
  13. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I like the no BS approach and the clear words. They can be a wake up call.
    If one is reading your last post and it hurts, be aware that it is only the ego that is screaming in pain about the truth. It does not want to give up the power and control it has over us.
    Ones one accepts the truth, it can be the best and solid base to build on. The ego, the fake me has to die, to get on solid ground.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Well said, @Libertad I wrote that for myself this morning when I felt tempted to look at some P. I wanted to take a quick look. I could feel my eyes glazing over and it took a lot of effort to "wake up." Yep, the fake us has to die.
  15. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    And if you are doing some or all of this, and admit it, you immediately achieve integrity. That precious first step can be so much easier than we realize! And then you enter the world of recovery! I'm so excited for brothers and their future on the other side of PMO life
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting @realness ! Maybe because I'm retiring soon I felt the siren call of P. Feels like I won a significant battle. Except for a couple of slips, I've been PMO-free for years. The new me, where I will stay home everyday, is an exciting adventure. But I guess there must also be an undercurrent of anxiousness about it, too.

    Yesterday I hung a few lights to make the house look more Xmas-sy. The wife is the one who does most of the decorating, but I do my bit where I can. I enjoy the holidays but I'm not looking forward to seeing my son-in-law, who I think is a bitch. I've tried every way I know to get along with him, but he's just so disagreeable. My wife says I need to chill out, but I hate even looking at his smug face. I'd like to be there for my daughter, but I think I'll be going on a lot of solo walks and trips to the gym during their visit.

    My family is coming up with all kinds of ideas for me for when I retire. My wife even suggested a get a part-time job somewhere.:eek: Er, not happening old girl. Volunteerism was brought up by a colleague of mine. :rolleyes: I told him I was already on that, that I was going to be helping out refugees from Finland. lol He was nodding his headed wisely as though he heard about such a thing. o_O One thing is for sure, after years of having my life dictated to me by women and men who are the stooges of women, I will do exactly what "I" want. I have enough money to sit on my ass every day if I want to. I also have enough to travel the world, if I'm so inclined. I think I might get "FUCK OFF" tattooed on my forehead so I can forgo any explanations about what I'm going to do with my life. Haven't I given enough to the man/woman?
  17. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Be yourself @Saville

    Hopefully you rethink that Tattoo idea again, maybe start with wearing a t-shirt with that logo first. LOL

    I wish you all the best for your retirement and for the holidays.
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  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Awesome Saville. Keep resisting porn and keep us updated. Also good to know that when me and my family have to flee to Finland, we just need to ask for the guy with "fuck off" tattooed on his forehead.
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  19. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Saville, I read your post yesterday, and maybe because the words did sting a bit as Libertad said, I posted a quick reply that was more focused on my reaction than what I thought you intended. I figured it wasn't really helpful, so I deleted it and decided to sit with your words for a while. So, a day later, as I read that you wrote that in response to your own struggle, and as I work on my own struggles today, I just want to let you know that I think your message is a powerful one, as most of your messages are. If we don't jolt ourselves out of our stupor when thoughts go south, we will let our actions go south with them. So thanks for the jolt!

    And go ahead and put a removable Fuck Off tattoo on your forehead for the holidays, lol. Santa will understand.
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  20. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    @Mozenjo Great post.
    Btw, I haven´t seen or read the post you deleted.

    What did sting for me and why I wrote what I wrote about the ego was mostly the last part of Savilles post:
    I am thinking about that lately.
    I seem to no longer need to escape the present with PMO, it is more then a year now that I did it the last time. Of course I don´t know the future and if I may have a relapse, but for now, I don´t have or feel the need or urge to go back to PMO and I am very grateful for that.

    But I now have thoughts about what my sexuality is here for. Seems probably stupid to most here to write something like that here, but I have no kids and at the moment also no girlfriend and I don´t really know if I even want or should start dating again and for what? To start a family or just for the sex and the relationship.
    My parents were always fighting, the girlfriends I had in the past, sex was great, at least for me (haha), but jokes aside, they never complained, but the relationships I had, besides from the sex were always stressful for me and both longer relationships I had, I was the one who broke them of. The rest was casual sex. Women seem to like drama and emotions. Both things I don´t really like or better are a burden for me.
    I was too much of a Nice Guy, a guy who avoided conflict and clear words. A guy who did not really knew what he wanted and in a few areas of my life this is still the case.

    Not sure were I am going with this and why I even hijack your Journal, Saville, with my doubts.
    It was the last part of your post, "Abstention from above means your dick has a purpose." And I can´t find one for mine. Thats what made me think and doubt if I am still on the right track and on my way to become a real man who does not want to escape, using cheap pleasures, from taking full responsibility. For a healthy individual all of this would probably not even be a question.

    I am still living too much in my past and in my thoughts.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2022
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