Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. ResetMe

    ResetMe Member

    The decision to give up MO is a tough one. You don't have to make a life long commitment right now. Why not just try it for a while first. When I started I had in the back of my mind that I would just stop MO for now... But after no MO for a year, I don't find myself wanting to O any less. Yes, O feels great, I'm not gonna argue with you on that. Think about it this way, your in a committed relationship. Why not do the things to make your relationship stronger, so you can have more sex, and O more, and have a better relationship, and have more sex, and O more, and have a better relationship.... See the upward climb?? Just take things one day at a time. And someday you might not want to MO anymore, and when you want a O, get your woman turned on and show her how you O!

    Trading addictions is also very common. Try to trade for a healthy one. I gave up a lot of sugar when I did this, and I took up working out for my addition. I started riding a lot. Trust me, you'll impress your wife when you can keep that elevated heart rate and go at it for 3 hours! ;)

    We are here to change our behaviors. You can do this!
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    MusicMan, I really appreciate the support! Yesterday's in the bag and now I'll deal with today. :)

    ResetMe, your words gave sharp focus to my brain. Thank you! The first day I found this forum I MO'd to P twice, as a parting gesture, and then started my journey of being PMO free. After going 6 days without either P or M, I thought "hey, rubbing one of wouldn't hurt, because it won't be with P or fantasy." It felt so amazing that I looked forward to doing that every week, or so. Well, as addicts we all know where that kind of thinking leads. ::) I'm just giving it up for now, as you say, and that kind of takes the pressure off of me.

    I've always worked out a ton, so I need a new habit, and I'm thinking gardening. My yard looks like shit, because I couldn't be bothered to look after it, so that will be my project. My energy, at least for the next couple of months, will be dedicated to making the yard and gardens look decent. I also need to give up sugar. As I mentioned, I work out a lot, but I still have a gut. I know I use the sugar as a sedative, just like Arizona has pointed out. I'm also going to cool it on the booze. Oh, and I'm going to start reading more and watching less fucking shows on the computer. I used to be a voracious reader and now I barely crack a book, except when I'm on the toilet. ;D

    So much love to my bro's here. 8)
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Addiction recovery involves changing your life into something that you really like, recovery isn't abstinence. You're making all the right moves.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Love this!

    Haven't MO'd in 5 days. Not heroic, but it feels like it's already been two weeks. :eek: Really struggled yesterday as the wife and I had a long kiss and that got me jacked. She wasn't in to having sex so I had to immediately go outside and garden. I feel super horny almost all the time, but I know this is related to my addiction. I need this energy for getting shit done in my life. It's like all the energy I have for doing creative and interesting things gets shunted in a juggernaut, the sole purpose of which is to masturbate.

    Yesterday I watched a show on TV where a couple were going at it and I had to turn the show off. Basically, most of the sex scenes on TV are soft core P. It made me think of some of my favorite sex scenes, which made me want to PMO. Out to the garden I went. :p I've been off P since April 20th, so I have a pretty good streak going there. I think that's 102 days. :)

    I'm sleeping like shit and so I'm tired most of the time. I feel so tired I can't even think. My neighbor invited me over for a drink, but I said "no" as I just didn't have the mental energy to converse. :) 40 thinks that my sleeping will get better the further away I am from MO'ing. I'm really looking forward to that.

    Oh, and yesterday I walked outside and suddenly just felt happy. Wow, what a nice feeling that is. I usually walk around feeling neither down, nor up, so yesterday's happy jag was a real boost.

    Cheers, everyone!
  5. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Hi Saville,

    Wow, you certainly got good amount of days free of P! Never achieved so much myself.

    I have got too those momentary surges of happiness during last few years. I think they are somehow related to rebooting attempts, because I never remember to felt like in those moments before. Suddenly, it just feels so good to be alive.
    I think its our untainted life-energy suddenly surging, and clear sign that there have been at least a degree of healing in our brains.

    Btw, have you tried some supplement to better your sleep? For me, tryptophan have helped to get more sound sleep.

    Keep up the good work!
  6. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    That is my favorite part of waking up to and battling addiction -- happy for no reason. You can't buy that shit in the store, my man, you gotta earn it.
  7. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    +1 for tryptophan. I take 1.5 grams before bed, and around 4 grams of tyrosine during the day (two doses), both on an empty tum tum.
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, 40, thanks for the info. I order both of those and will start taking them as soon as they arrive.

    Thanks for posting Titan! I'm taking your advice re: the tryptophan and also the tyrosine that 40 suggested. Feeling glad to be alive is where it's at. So often I just bump along, but I would love to have more of those happy days. :)

    Today was the 8th day with no MO. I honestly can't remember when I went that long. The last time I left my pecker alone for more than two or three days was probably thirty years ago. Holy shit! That is totally cray to even think about. :p I had a couple of very close calls, but by doing other things, and buying into the fact that I will never be healthy if I don't leave myself alone, I was able to do it.

    I did however O with the wife today. :D Wahoo! I felt quite aroused and when I suggested going to the bedroom she said "sure!" Clunk! These are good days in my least compared to the last decade. :D I did feel a little down after O'ing. I don't think I was ready for it, even though the orgasm itself was amazing.

    A couple of things I noticed were: I have more sensitivity than I had previously and my erections are solid. Also, there is a natural trajectory to the O. Previously when I had sex (which was over two years ago and sporadic at that) and also when I MO'd often, I would feel like I was getting close to the orgasm and then it would all shut down. After that I would have almost zero feeling in my penis. If I was having sex that would usually be it, as the pecker would get soft and there was nothing to be done to resurrect the little guy. If I was masturbating, which was what I was usually doing, then I would just have to beat it almost to death, looking for ever more evocative P in an effort to find something that might stimulate me enough to cum. I often O'd with an almost soft dick. :eek: Now, when I start to feel like I'm getting close that feeling just gets more intense until the ejaculation happens. Yup, that is a pretty sweet development. I'm much better than when I was 10 years younger.

    Keeping off P is like magic. The next step for me, as I've mentioned, and others have too, is to not fap. I've gone 8 days and I'm looking forward to going 30. I'm also going to try and not O with the wife, either, for the time being. I don't think I'm ready yet to O. I read that many times on here from other people and I never quite believed it, well, that is until I did. :D The wiring is haywire and that's just a fact.
  9. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Saville, those are huge developments: physically, psychologically and relationally.
  10. Tony74

    Tony74 Guest

    Awesome progress bro! You have been an inspiration on this site since day one of getting here. I often wish my ex-wife and I could be compatible and could work things out, as we are such good matches in a FEW areas, but in the majority of areas we are oil and water... over 10 years of trying everything under the sun finally convinced me to let go and get healthy and I know I made the right decision, as we were both severely unhealthy... but its still good to see when someone is able to salvage what they have...

    I'm very happy that you are making progress with your wife...

    Keep up the great work my friend!

    One day at a time!
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Couldn't agree with you more, Saville.
    Staying off the MO is a close second.
    You're rockin' it, bro! Glad to have you here.
  12. A Streetcar

    A Streetcar New Member

    Great to hear you're doing so well Saville!
  13. William

    William Member

    Yep- I second that, so great to hear you are doing so great, keep it up. Your experience and insight gives me hope !! God bless
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    12 days and I haven't pulled the pud! Yahoo! ;D I haven't O'd in four days and I'm hoping to keep that going until the end of this month. Staying off of P has been much easier than not MO'ing. Although, not MO'ing has made me think about P more. :-\ It is part of this addiction to be constantly obsessed about when we might pleasure ourselves. Duh!

    Thank you to all who responded to my last post. I have learned from so many here and each post is important to me. I find the support invaluable and the insights written give me focus.

    Nofapado...thank you!

    Musicman, your post touched my heart. Previously, I would have said my wife was toxic. I didn't see how we would ever get passed the impasse we had created. But, incredulously, me committing to staying away from P has seen many benefits. We still have some hard days, but we've rediscovered some love. A way forward has been opened. :)

    MarstonS, the gardening has been wonderful. I created a rather lovely patch filled with plants and flowers and stones. Every time I feel that awful feeling come over me, that feeling that wants me to sedate myself, to give in to the cheap high of P and M, I go outside and work. It has definitely made the journey easier. Not sure what I'll do in the winter when the snow comes. Maybe I'll take up knitting? ;D

    Moz, thanks so much. If some of the brothers here hadn't really highlighted how MO'ing stalls the reboot then I wouldn't have known. I thought giving up P would mean I could still "enjoy" fapping, but nope! My dull head finally gets that I will stay stuck if I fap and, indeed, even if I O too much with the wife. When I first read people saying they had to be careful about O'ing during the reboot, even with a real person, I thought it was taking things too far. Now, I'm convinced that to achieve mental clarity and some kind of happiness I must seek other avenues of reward.

    A Streetcar: thank you brother.

    headinsand. I'm glad my experience give you hope...we all need a triple dose of that. And, thank you for the blessing. :)

    It's fucking hard staying away from my pecker. I come here everyday and read the journals of my brothers. Even when some of you falter I gain wisdom. I truly believe we are all in this together, that everyone's recovery depends upon everyone else's. Yes, I want to recover and become well, but I want that for everyone here too. I want this world filled with men like us, like you. Thinking men, men who aren't afraid to take the very hard trek toward self-actualization. I love the stories of success that seed hope and nurture that hope in the soil of expectation.

    So, I struggle at times, but even climbing stairs is an effort, and where would we be if we didn't put forth even that minimal amount of exertion. Mentally I'm feeling a lot better. At the beginning I was so tired, so very, very, tired. All I wanted to do was lie in bed, except that kind of rest was never refreshing. The fatigue receded so slowly I don't even know when it left, but I've felt good for at least a week and a half now. I would like more energy, but I think that there's more to come. Today I was cracking jokes and noticed my brain ticking over in a fun, almost manic way; that hasn't happened for a very long time. Indeed, I thought I had lost the ability to be quick witted.

    I love reading about how so many here are keeping away from P and M, but I'm loving more how lives are being transformed into creative souls. Here's to another day! 8)
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Usually my eyes feel tired all day. I'm used to the feeling. Behind the eyes I've felt tired too. I've tried eye washes, eye drops, allergy meds, but there's never been a change. Today, today, I felt energy "behind" my lids. My eyes still feel tired, but behind that I feel awake. This is amazing to me!

    MarstonS mentioned the efficacy of cold showers on his thread one day and I've since read it on a few others. I am now a fan of the cold shower. A believer! 8) I've probably taken them for a month now, every day, and though I never look forward to the cold water, it always enlivens me beyond just the shock. At first I didn't notice any change, but I believe that cumulatively the cold showers are helping me break my addictions. Another tool in the belt.

    I mostly just follow the journals of the 40 and over crowd, but I've taken some forays into gang in their 20's and I love some of the energy there. There are some guys there that are slaying their addictions and I find their energy infectious. I love the momentum going on in this forum, too, but sometimes hanging with the younger crowd can be stimulating in a different way.

    One guy posted here awhile back and said that he appreciated the responses, but especially wanted to hear from like-minded Christians, or words to that effect. That made me not want to post in his journal anymore. It's not that I'm thin skinned, but if someone is just searching to be validated by the same old, same old, then I won't bother to extend myself - perhaps that's selfish. For myself, I want to hear from everyone. I want Christians, Atheists, Pantheists, Troubadors, male escorts, purveyors of prostitutes, poodles, alcoholics, nice guys, and everyone else to offer advice and support. The same old patterns of thinking got me into a lifelong mess and I want to break these patterns to smithereens. Fuck the old way of thinking! Hello to different points of view! :D

    On another note, my wife gave me a wonderful, deep, kiss, yesterday. I enjoyed it like when we first met. I know I could have gotten her into bed, but I'm trying to avoid the O's for now. Staying O-free for 30 days seems like a tall order, but I'mma just gunna worry about today.
  16. ResetMe

    ResetMe Member

    Your doing great! Total staying away from O for 30 days is tough when you are married, and now your wife is also willing. You'll just have to make up for it later! ;)

    It's great that you stopped MO for so long! Keep it up!

    I've also noticed the sex is much better after no PMO, and MO.

    It is hard to resist the urge to O. I don't think that feeling goes away. I still have that feeling all the time, and probably more than once a day! if it was not so challenging to have sex with my GF I would probably O a lot more! But when it comes down to it we have a choice. I choose not to MO. I choose not to touch it. If I want to O I need to get my GF into the mood, then it's up to us however I O with her.
  17. Tony74

    Tony74 Guest

    I'm right with you on the cold showers bro. They are awesome and do provide some great benefits. So glad to hear about that kiss man. Those are the special things in relationships that can only be there if true love and intimacy are present as they are things that are given from the heart. Many times one person is trying to give a gift like that and the other isn't ready or willing so it just causes more pain. It's cool that you were able to enjoy the kiss like you did when you first met... that's awesome. Another great sign that you, your wife and your relationship are healing.

    One day at a time...
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    115 days P free and 16 days I have not MO'd. Woot! 8) Wife and I are going camping this weekend, though, so if sex is on the table I'm going to go for it. I said I wasn't going to O for 30 days, but I'm going to just go with the flow on this one.

    ResetMe, thanks man. I feel so much better mentally after not fapping and not O'ing. I want to everyday, of course, but these benefits are too incredible to go back. "Do I want a better life, or not?" I ask myself that every time I feel tempted to rub on out. Life can be so grand without P and M. :D

    Beautifully said, Musicman. There were many times my wife and I had no idea how to respond to one another. Then, when I cheated, the betrayal that she must have felt would have mightily weighed her heart down. I always wanted her, but didn't want to want her. I thought that maybe a taste of something else would give me the life I needed. Well, I didn't know what the hell I wanted and I had clouded my thinking with all kinds of sedation; P, fantasy, and MO'ing, chief among them. I'm not religious, but a miracle has happened in my life. :)

    The Japanese have a technique where they use gold to fix pottery that has been broken, it's called Kintsugi. Kintsugi started out as a functional way to fix something that was in pieces. It was assumed it would never look the same as when it was first made. However, once people saw these golden lines in their pottery they saw it as an enhancement rather than a detraction. The relationship with my wife was broken, smashed on the floor, but I'm hoping that we can use emotional/spiritual gold to put it back again. It won't be the same as might just be better. 8)
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    If you not experiencing PIED or severe negative mental effects from O then by all means I think you should O. You're one of the "lucky" ones, most guys on here aren't O'ing because they can't get it up for real women or O sends them into a really bad flatline.

    Enjoy your weekend in the wild :)
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Turns out there was no sex. I got super drunk with the friends that came along and passed out in the tent. Yesterday was an awful day of feeling sick and lying down. Basically I poisoned myself. Thankfully I don't feel depressed. Before when I drank to much I always felt down and perhaps even worthless. Today I feel a bit tired, but had a productive day, none the less. 8)

    I'm not feeling super amorous, but I would definitely have sex if my wife was game. Maybe tonight?

    My motivation for accomplishing things is getting better. I am much more inclined to close the laptop and get off my ass into the real world. There are still some things I'd like to do, but so far I've been too lazy to tackle them. However, I am thinking about them a lot, which is encouraging. Before I didn't even have the mental energy to give these things more than a cursory "wouldn't that be nice to do." A lot of fapping to P is born out of our fear of failing. Of course, watching to P and beating off is an absolute perfect recipe for failure.

    Not much to say, really. Keeping off of P, not fapping, and trundling along. Looking forward to further increases in mood and motivation. I know that being active on this forum is critical for my well-being.

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