Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Glad to hear your wife still wants sex! That issue wasn’t solved, if I remember well. Shows that sometimes people say things but it doesn’t really reflect reality. She said she didn’t want sex no more, but it turns out it’s not true. Good news, man.

    Sounds to me you’re depicting yourself as uglier than you are, man (it’s funny to read, though :D). You seem to do the same with the women you write about and the interactions you have with them. At least you’re not deluding yourself! lol… But surely things aren’t as ugly and fake as you describe them.

    Funny to think you could be my father. My dad is 64, and my mom too. I’m 33, your children must be close to my age. Shows that people can connect in many, many ways. Can happen on an Internet forum… or in a gym :rolleyes:
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  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, Bilbo. She waxes and wanes on the sex front. But, I don't let her forget that she has to put out. Having one of my kids here during Covid has made that more of a challenge. Before Covid I sometimes would undress in the kitchen and start shaking my blubber. lol The wife can find it irritating, but she also finds it funny and, in a way, charming. For me it feels freeing to be overt about my sexuality. Before I was shy to take off my shirt unless the lights were off, but I've discovered that is false modesty.

    I think I'm pretty plain looking. Think of Peter Griffin in Family Guy. :D As to my interactions I sometimes reduce them down to how I now see them, that is, the bare bones of human interaction. The women that have typically been interested in me are the ones who have seen me as an easy mark. Of course, they don't think that consciously, it's just how they're wired, the same way I was wired to be a doormat. I spent a lot of time grey areas where I was kind of wishy-washy about how I felt. So, now, I just strip away all the bullshit and act accordingly. It sounds unsubtle, and maybe it is, but it has allowed me to move forward in a positive way.

    It is amazing and also wonderful. I have friends who are in their 80's and others who are much younger than me. I honestly love having younger friends. The few acquaintances I have that are my age are always grumbling about what's wrong with their health. :rolleyes: Thanks for posting, bro'!
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  3. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    haha sooo true... I need younger friends just because of my musical tastes:rolleyes:... I tend to lean toward the alt/progressive-rock genre. I hate it when people say good music isn't being made today. I love going to concerts, and now that venues are opening back up, and the concert scene is ramping up, I'm getting jazzed... My kid says Machine Gun Kelly sold out when he went from a harder rap toward more mainstream alt. but how can you not like My Bloody Valentine?:cool:
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  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's great! I think my musical tastes run old. lol I know about Machine Kelly only because I see his name in the news, as he cavorts with this and babe and then another. I looked up My Bloody Valentine and the words remind me of porn, a little. ha ha "I don't do fake love, but I'll take some from you tonight." :D

    I was rereading Dangerous Dave's journal. Man, I love that guys energy. His marriage was on the rocks, he was addicted to P, but he just made a decision to be a different kind of man. I always remember when he wrote "If you don't MO you won't PMO." That struck me like lightening. Wow! Pow! Duh! When I first began his journal I thought that he was a bit simplistic, but to beat P we must pick a simple road and follow it. If we give too much latitude to things then we end up caving, because our habit is to cave. Better to be righteously wrong than feebly correct.
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I've lost a couple more pounds and I have to say that, for the first time since high school, I'm actually not fat. :) I still have a small pooch and little love handles, but the gut that used to stick out like a moon gone awry is no more. So as a decriptor I will use bald and ugly, but the word fat is no more. :D I definitely feel better, but of course it isn't a magic pill, because nothing is. We have to work on ourselves on all fronts: diet, exercise, and mental health. I've started to do a bit more exercise, but I really do think I can spend more time seeking affirmations. It's easy to fall into a sort of disgruntled mindset, seeking for outside interventions when the power for real change is just a change in attitude. Specifically I'm thinking of my health when I say this. I still suffer a lot of fatigue and it seems everything I eat gives me reflux, even though my diet is super clean now. What's missing? Well, it isn't a pill or some kind of surgery. It's a change in how I view myself, how I view aging, how I stay true to those things that have beckoned to me ever since I was a young boy.

    PMO obviously doesn't allow for any growth, on any front. It isn't even good for boners. o_O It is easy to get wrapped up in our troubles and look for reasons and excuses. For instance, if I look for help for reflux on the web I will find all kinds of dietary advice, suggestions for supplements or medication. What if I have a bit of arthritis in my knees, which I do, well then there is more advice on how to fix that. I could spend a fortune, and probably have, buying supplements and trying to find enough time in the day to take them all, and still be left feeling unhealthy. When the vitamins and supplements don't work I seek out different diets. If ABC protocol didn't work, maybe the XYZ one will. One theory is I have too much unhealthy gut bacteria, while the next says that it is low-acid that creates acid flowing upward. Eventually, through trial and error most people find some kind of a diet that kind of works, and they must stay on it religiously, as though walking on a razor's edge. I think this sort of rationale is what many here have when looking for why their penises don't work..."if only I could find the right thing."

    I'm guessing there isn't a one "right thing." If we lose the center of ourselves in pursuit of the holy grail of penis/gut/whathaveyou health, then I believe we're missing the point. Let's say we want to shoot an arrow at a target. The object (bullseye) is clear. We pull back the string, launch the arrow, and we miss. We think about why we missed. Oh, maybe it was my elbow, but that doesn't help. So then we start thinking many things in succession. We start thinking of the eye, the fingers, the hand, the elbow, the hips, the legs, the wind, the tree that made the bow, the gut that made the string, etc. Where does it end? What are we missing? Maybe we're shooting at the wrong target. Perhaps we need a club instead of an arrow, or maybe there is no target. In the end I think there is something inside of us that just knows what step is next, but we have a spent a lifetime resisting this truth. Letting go of all our preconceived notions can really leave us feeling vulnerable. We PMO because it is part of the resistance and we've grown accustomed to feeling our grip on that imaginary tether. We believe that we just need to find a different tether to pull on, to resist. What if we just let that tether go? Will we fall down into the void? Why does it feel like it's such a risk to do what our heart asks?

    I'm asking all these questions of myself. I don't have the answers, but today I saw a glimmer of something that seemed right. I guess I'll see how it pans out. :)
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  6. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Congratulations for getting rid of that fat, Saville! Gotta say your description of yourself made me laugh, this morning. :D

    Thanks for sharing those thoughts. I spent a few weeks on a TRT forum and couldn’t believe what I saw there. Hundreds of guys trying to find the perfect formula, changing protocol every few months, constantly trying new products, etc. Some of them have been doing that for years without ever finding what they’re looking for, it just sounds crazy to me. (I say that, but at the same time I know I’m probably doing the same thing in my own way — it’s easier to see what others do wrong…). I also think it’s generally not a good idea to have extremely strict diets, and things like that. Most of the time, you try a diet, supplements or new exercises, and there’s no noticeable effects. We should stick to what makes sense for us, what really makes a difference. At some point, it’s better to be content with something that works okay than having something that works well and constantly want to improve it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2021
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  7. Musicman 2.0

    Musicman 2.0 This is not a sprint, but rather a marathon...

    So very well said...

    One day at a time...
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  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Saville… I just realized you’re the 7th most active member of all time on YBR. 3109 posts! And you’re the one who’s received the most likes. Man, you’re the Wayne Gretzky of YBR :p

    Let me ask you, why haven’t you written a success story? You know they inspire newcomers. That’s what motivated me to start rebooting, reading those stories about guys who overcame the challenges I was facing. With all the changes you brought to your life, I’m sure it would be a good success story. Just saying! :cool:
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Wow, I had no idea I was a top poster. I guess I've been here awhile. :eek: The Underdog, who I think was the original owner of this site, said that posting in our journals, and the journals of others, was critical. So many people come here and post almost exclusively in their own journal and most, after a a few weeks, stop posting altogether. I've pissed people off a few times and have gotten a few things wildly wrong, but engaging in the community has taught me so much.

    I never wrote a success story because I, er, uhm...I dunno. lol I thought my journal was my story, I guess. I suppose a lot of people don't cruise the over 40 section and there can be a lot of pages to get through in a journal. You've inspired me @Bilbo Swaggins. I will write a success story in the coming days. :cool:

    Thanks for the post, Bilbo!
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2021
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  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I have continued to lose weight. People are now asking me if I'm OK. lol I wouldn't say I'm svelte, but I would say that I'm verging on trim. My wife is constantly saying "you don't feel like you when we hug." After being fat for so long it's weird to feel so light when I walk up stairs. Just like with quitting PMO, I don't think I'll ever go back to stuffing my face. I have habits in place that help me and also, after 8 months, I've broken the chemical dependency. I still crave potato chips the odd time, but that's about it.

    I wrote a success story in the "Success" part of the forum, if anyone is interested. It was a great exercise and fun to do.

    It's interesting to note that with the rise of the internet, and easy access to P, there has been a shift in our perception of sex and gender. Young people are searching for somewhere to hang their gender and sexual hat. It's much more common now for kids to experience relations with both genders. A lot of young adults are "switching" genders, going genderless, or gender fluid...where does the searching end? Well, we here know that it ends in being addicted to ever more bizarre stuff, because "normal" doesn't cut it anymore. Just as we search for the porn clip that represents the holy grail, a lot of people are now struggling to find that one thing that will define them. I suppose we've lost faith in ourselves. My point in all this is that I personally see a correlation between the internet, porn, and all the gender stuff that's going on. I'm fine with new pronouns, and whatever it is that makes people happy, but is it making people happier? We men here know that P has affected our lives in terrible ways and so it is not a stretch, in my mind anyway, to believe that it is also affecting society in other ways. At one point it was normal for me to watch the kind of sex I would never actually want to participate in. Pixels have power over our brains. How much of how we view the world now is a manifestation of our collective addiction to the internet?
  11. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    i agree. not only P but the internet itself is ruining many lives. it's a common pervasive addiction. i will be 67 yrs old in a couple of months and am glad there was no internet while growing up. all the wonderful ,transforming, inspirational books i would have missed. to this day reading is still my therapy from my own stressors. as far as the gender conversation-that's what got me into looking at my porn addiction. i was looking at porn that i knew was not me. escalation and progression are hallmarks of addiction. as for me, i try to be deliberate and purposeful in everything i do nowadays. i try to keep things simple just like decent people did in the old days. more of my ramblings. take care.
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  12. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    I also agree. The thing that I find most aggregious about the internet is the absolute plethora of bad information and people suck it up its on the internet it must be true!
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I woke up a couple of nights ago and had the most astounding erection. Wow! :eek: Too bad my wife was snoring away, because it was a shame to let such grandness go to waste. :cool: There is a lot of talk about testosterone levels being the prime motivator for sex (obviously it's important), but we really give short shrift to the other components/chemicals that make a human. The more at ease you are with your life the better your pecker is going work. I'm guessing that at some point age will catch up with me, but so far my experience as an over 60 dude has been good. No P + acceptance of self = good boners.
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  14. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Age really has nothing to do with sexuality. The oral ( doctrine and diatribe ) says it does but thats bullshit! Real research says it dosent ! True, you lose 1% tesosterone per year but there are other chemiicals that make that up anybody ever hear of DHEA or ecdysterone ! Both are natural and have NO side effectsl
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2021
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  15. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Yes,I know what you mean! Sometimes happens to me and I urinate then hey won't go away so I have a young wife and I put it between her legs she wakes up giggles and we make love. Sometimes even that and it dosent subside ! Heather is like "OMG - HELP !"Hahaha ! H as a lot to do with health and yes, testosterone levels. Saville you lost signifi ant weight guess where that will show, and you exercise ! Mental state is very important. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I can't even imagine that PMO was part of my life now that its not.
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2021
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  16. August 5th! That's 5 months ago, man. Saville, how have you been? We like hearing from you. Later on, I'll ask you about what you think of younger guys (guys in their 20s, 30s, 40s...), because I'm sure you see our situations with a whole different perspective.

    Anyway, man, I hope you're well.
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  17. True Change

    True Change Active Member

    We always hear that testosterone declines with age but I read a few scientific papers and articles that refute this. Yes, testosterone declines with age but maybe not because of age. Meaning, it's the accumulation of years of sedentary lifestyle habits and processed foods that are causing this drop.

    For example, a 50-year-old man living in 1940 and working as a lumberjack or farmer may have had the same test levels as a 25-year-old porn-addicted, Dorito-eating video gamer living in 2022.
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  18. Tomato76

    Tomato76 Active Member

    It was months ago when you wrote this, but what a great post... Some of this stuff is very hard to express in words/writing but I totally get what you are saying, concluding with the imaginary tether...pmo/fmo has been this tether that I initially attached avoid to confronting completely irrational fears, and to fix what didn't seem to work, ... my irrational fears have gone, but the void is still there.... So I am still tethered somewhat. This still troubles me, despite how much I know things seem to work out ok once I detach myself from the tether ...

    Anyway, your posts are great reading and I always feel inspired by your writings on this forum.
    Saville likes this.
  19. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    What up, bro! See you around, but no new posts in here.
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks for checking in @CleanBootsBaby! I honestly haven't had much to say. I'm interested in everyone's progress, but am in more of a listening mode. There have been some excellent posts that have made me think and given me some inspiration.

    Not much new is going on in my life. There's a lot of Covid, Covid, and more Covid, and like everyone else I'm trying to negotiate my life with the various restrictions that are in place. I'm reasonably busy at work, though I'm looking to retire soon. It's work I fell into in the old days, because that's how I rolled, I waited for others to make decisions for me. Like most people here I despise confrontation, but I did stand up to the boss the other day, quite putting him back on his heels. Bullies are all the same. When you push back they retreat to their corner. However, it did make me think about how much more of this bullshit I want to put up with.

    Life with the wife is fine. We are getting older, which creates a new reality. My wife is five years older than me and so that means that her interest in sex is almost zero. I still have a good libido, but I don't press her for sex as much as I did, because I'm weary of always having to initiate. By the time you're in your sixties it's a rather boring dance. Has this made me want to engage in P? Yes and no. Sometimes it seems it would just be simpler to rub one off to a clip than see if the old ball and chain is interested. There are still times when I am jacked up and just want to have sex "right now!" But, if the wife is occupied with work, with a puzzle, with talking to our adult children, then that sex is not going to happen. So, I do think about jacking off to P. The "no" part of the equation is that I know there is nothing in P that is worth it. I know that it is a fleeting pleasure that leads me to feeling dead inside. Jesus, with Covid we hardly need more reasons to depress ourselves.

    When I feel unsettled in my body I turn to reading, walking, riding my bike (indoors at the moment), and doing other tasks that don't require too much of me. I suppose there is a sort of ennui which has settled over me and that's why I'm not participating much on the forum. Perhaps this post will revive me.

    Again, thanks for looking in!

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