Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Cali

    Cali Member

    You are good enough Saville and I appreciate all your support! We just need to focus on being clean today and not worry about the future or have regrets for a past we cannot change.
     
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  2. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    That's a very interesting way of looking at things. We as modern people think we have always to be concerned about our sins in the past which I think is because for the most part we don't have to worry about survival so we have mental time to think of what I consider nonsense.
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think this is true. Our adversaries are all in our head, this is why we attack ourselves, because now the enemy is not at the door, but inside our psyche.

    I read about a guy who overdosed twice in the same day and both times he was brought back to the world by Naloxone. Both times he refused further treatment. He knew, better than anyone, he had no intention of stopping his routine of taking fentanyl. Says a lot about addiction, eh? What does society owe an addict? He/she takes up resources that could be used elsewhere. "I lost my wife/husband, my money, my house, my friends, my kids." Well, too fucking bad! We, the addict, fucked up. What "No More Mr. Nice Guy" shows well is that it is up to us to stop being pussies and letting everyone victimize us. WAKE UP! I say that to myself. I'm no one's bitch. Porn is the big dude in jail punching out all your teeth and then making you suck him off. Our here, in the comfy jail of our homes, are we really going to let some boogie man dictate how our life will go? Again, I'm telling this to myself, but I think it's true for all men who bend over for the Porn rolling pin to be shoved up their ass. "Stop crying, sissy. Pull up your socks and decide, no matter how scared you are, that you are actually going to LIVE life."
     
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  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Well now, how's that for a wakeup call?
    Saville unfiltered. Thanks for the kick in the pants. I needed that.
     
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  5. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Glad to see somebody else agrees with..me when I USED to say this most used to think I was NUTS !!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2021
    Saville likes this.
  6. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Yeah, there’s gotta be some truth in that. I wouldn’t see myself telling a junkie to wake up and stop using, though (I know you were writing that for yourself, I’m just dropping thoughts here). Of course, he knows he should stop, but he still uses. Why? It’s a mystery... A good wake-up call can help, but a guy will stop using when he’s ready.

    Personally, what makes the difference for me is having goals. If I have a goal, a direction, or projects, it’s almost easy to stay sober. But if I’m just floating around without engaging with anything, that’s when the trouble begins. Why would you try to be healthy if there’s nothing interesting in your life? Yeah, to me, getting rid of an addiction pretty much starts when you have a good reason to do so.
     
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  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    For sure, goals are great. :) But, goals can also just be rationalization. I read about goals on here all the time. People are going to get in the best shape of their lives, they're going to go to church more, or start meditating. All of these things can be great, but it can also be part of the film loop. When I began this journey I honestly wasn't interested in anything ,anymore, and so my only motivation was to be able to get a boner again. From that goal, if you will, other small goals appeared. Anyway, whatever you're doing @Bilbo Baggins it's working! A year clean is amazing, dude! :)
     
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  8. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Thanks Saville! Yeah, being able to get a boner again is a pretty good goal, to say the least. And when you start reaping the fruits from your efforts (in staying away from porn, or when you finally launch a project), things start getting more fun and meaningful in your life. All in all, going forward is what we need, and there are probably many ways to do that.
     
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    After a year of sobriety I really felt like I could look at P and it wouldn't do anything. I was over it! After two years I was convinced that not only did P hold no draw for me but that I could easily, easily, no problem, look at it and feel zilch. At year three I knew without a doubt that I had broken P's slimy hold over myself. I was a righteous warrior who had killed the beast. I'd put my marriage back together, was getting regular sex and had, for the most part, great boners. Then, one day, when I felt troubled and bored, and the wifey had been rebelling against having sex because of certain physical issues, I thought I'd take a peek. The first clip I saw was a couple of chicks kissing. Holy cow, it was like a nuclear bomb went off in my pants. More checking of the soft stuff ensued until one day I just decided to end the charade and dive in.

    My PMO habit continued for some months, off and on, which is sometimes what happens when you go back to it. It's almost worse to use sporadically than doing it every day, because at least if you do it everyday you aren't fooling yourself. My boners got softer and I found it harder to cum. I stopped asking the wife to put out and I let her off of doing the deed for a measly hand job, where I would fantasize about clips I had just watched.

    My rescue has been a hard one, much harder than the first time when I just fucking gave it all up. Somewhere along the line I lost the plot. I lost the reason for staying clean. I felt too old for everything and was assaulted by lethargy, melancholy and...oh, wait, that's how I felt before I found this place. I'm in a good place right now. I'm off P and am no longer thinking in terms of how many months I've got under my belt. I'm at that point, again, where P has little attraction, but I hope I'm wiser now.
     
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  10. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, I would say you are wiser, Saville. My takeaway from this (sounds like maybe your takeaway as well) is that it would be a mistake to believe that, just because we have no interest in P, we are immune to its effects when taking a "taste" of it after years of sobriety. I'm sure there are plenty of alcoholics (or addicts of any stripe for that matter) who would tell you that. Maybe some people get no pleasure from it for the rest of their lives, but I would say they are very rare indeed, and why play with fire? The results could be devastating.
     
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  11. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    This is what I realized:I HAD WON OVER PMO . NOW I WAS BORED! I ALMOST IF IT WASNT FOR HEATHER I WOULD HAVE! , SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME !!!!!!
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2021 at 4:21 AM
  12. badger

    badger Active Member

    Saville,
    many times that i relapse, that is one of the rationalizations i use to indulge. that i am too old for everything and what's the use anyway. the melancholy, hopelessness set in. thanks for reminding me. yesterday i viewed some porn. after an hour wasted i decided to go and MO. i thought about how i would feel today if i did-played the whole tape through, not just the pleasure, and by the grace of God abstained. hope some day to get to that point where porn has no attraction at all. take care. i have been sober over 17 yrs from alcohol and like you i no longer think in terms of how many months or years i have been sober. i just know how great it feels not to drink. i had not thought about drinking until i started posting on this site and that is just to remind me that i can beat this addiction too.
     
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  13. badger

    badger Active Member

    Mo,
    you are correct. i have been sober 17 yrs from alcohol. the most important thing for me is to stay away from that FIRST drink. i need to do the same with this filthy habit.
     
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  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's amazing! :) I've also given up alcohol, though I wasn't an alcoholic. However, I was drinking a couple of glasses of wine every single night, which was powering me down. It was a way to forget about the world, to dull the senses, and I liked the feeling of being a bit tipsy. After the second glass I would be so tired I would often fall asleep in my chair watching TV. With the wine I would always eat chips and chocolate, which I have given up as well. All of these things, for me at least, are death by a thousand cuts. They make me not care about my life. When I quit P again I was determined to cut out some of the other habits that were taking me nowhere.

    There is no one thing that "cures" us and I have doubts that I will ever be a really "happy" person, but then happiness seems to be a bi-product of what we do in life.
     
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  15. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    I must say this ! We have known each other as internet friends almost 4 years ! You have noth ing to apologize for you have accomplished much my friend ! Pmo sobriety and u seek to learn
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2021 at 9:40 PM
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  16. Cali

    Cali Member

    I have stayed sober for 24 years following the same method "do not under any circumstances have that first drink". Like @badger I am trying a similar method to recover from my porn addiction "do not under any circumstances have that first peek". The difference is that sex is a natural drive and looking at porn tricks our brains into thinking we are having sex, which in my experience is making PMO much more difficult to beat than alcoholism. I am certain that I have replaced alcohol with PMO over the years as my coping mechanism, which means I need to learn new healthy was of coping with what life lays at my feet.
     
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  17. badger

    badger Active Member

    Cali,
    you are correct PMO is much more difficult to quit than booze. sex is a natural desire but I take it to the extreme. not the way God intended it. also I think PMO is done in secret. no one but me knows. I don't stumble or fall. I don't call in sick because I am hungover. I don't get arrested because of a DUPIED. so it doesn't show outwardly but inward it is killing me. makes me fearful and shameful. can not look people in the eye. but the worst part is the lack of intimacy with my wife because of PIED and I know I am lying to her. anyway just my 2 cents worth. hang in there.
     
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