Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It is :)
    Saville likes this.
  2. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Haha - i cant get that in the UK so will have to settle for Cillit Bang :p

    You've mentioned sinus issues previously and the use of a sinus rinse.
    I've done this for a few years and it definitely helps but you also said about adding drops of iodine. Do you still do that and is it more effective?

    Im also finding this tricky.
    In the book 'You are a Baddass" by Jen Sincero, she ends each chapter with 'Love Yourself', but doesnt say how! lol
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks NCBob and Gil!

    Yes, I still find it is effective. Just before Spring, and a couple of months afterward, I always suffer with sinus stuff. The salt-water rinse did nothing, but the iodine helps break down the bio-film where the little critters lie doing their dirty work. But, you must be cautious how you use it. You must use J. Crow's Lugol solution 2%; it is food grade and non-toxic. The other stuff people use on their cuts and bruises is absolutely toxic. Then, you must use only a drop or two. If you use too much, as I have done, you will be clutching your face in agony.:eek: I also use one of the salt packages with it. I tried baby shampoo, as well, and it also worked, but I didn't like all the bubbles coming out my nose. lol Hey, maybe Trump and I can get together and start a medical school! o_O

    I think happiness/contentment with oneself is a by-product of how we operate our days. If we do some of the things that call to us from inside then we will feel better about ourselves. Most of us stifle our creative impulses. And, by that I don't mean we are all artists, waiting to burst forth, but rather we can imagine something richer than what we're doing. I read somewhere that most people are "homeless in their own minds" and I think that is a great description.

    Perhaps when we can really feel love and empathy for others than those same things will be bestowed upon ourselves. I suppose that state would be one of grace.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  4. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I believe that these two are opposite faces of the same coin. I am expecting that as I develop in one area I shall too develop in the other. That brings me on to something that I read at the weekend, I feel that makes me sound like the drunk who overshares at the bar. We need to show up and take the action and occasionally the exercise feels worth it but we continue because deep down we know what has to be done.

    Peace and every good
    Saville likes this.
  5. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Why am i now picturing Bunsen & Beaker from The Muppets?! ;):D
    Saville likes this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Just watched an episode cause I had no idea who they were. I watched one where Beaker had his head carved into a pumpkin. Cool stuff and now I'm adding it to my pandemic watch list.:cool:

    On a bizarre note, I was talking to my daughter about weird people when my wife piped up and said "like when that woman who was in love with you called here." Holy fuck, did that ever make my head start to spin. I was furious that she would bring it up after all those years and especially in front of our daughter. I mean, wtf! I felt off-kilter for about a day a half, as it brought up all that awful shit from the past. :mad:

    Anyway, feeling pretty good. Trying to lose weight, as always, and doing what exercise I can. I'm getting a bit tired of walking around the neighborhood, but what'cha gunna do?
    Gil79, Matt2020 and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  7. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Did you react at the time or bite your tongue? Was the women, one of those you had a fling with?

    I just caught the end of some trashy chat show for women and they were talking about revenge for affairs. There was the usual woman who cut her husbands suits up, another gave away his expensive wine collection. Then another said that her revenge was never letting him forget!
    How awful is the latter? It would just cause tension for ever more. and whats the point in that?

    Glad you're feeling good.
    I'm also trying to make the best of lock-down and hope to be at least a bit fitter and healthier by the end of it.
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I said "why would you bring that up?" She said "I was just thinking about it." I said "well, next time keep your thoughts to yourself." Not the best way to handle things, especially since I thought I had that stuff dealt with. My wife says things casually like that, though, and then goes on like nothing has happened. She throws a grenade into the room, watches it blows up, and then denies that she had any hand in the devastation. If my daughter hadn't been there it wouldn't have felt so bad, but it made me feel embarrassed all over again about my cheating. I told my wife some years ago that I was not going to hear about my cheating anymore, nor any snide remarks about it. She had the opportunity to kick me when I was down, which she more or less she took, and now it's off the table for good. She took me back, she decided to stay with me. Obviously I know that some part of her will never be over it, just as I never will be, not entirely, anyway. I still have times where I shake my head in private and think "what the hell was I thinking?" But, as I've written down a lot I simply didn't have good coping skills. I was a people pleaser who had to appease, please, every matriarch who ever existed. Thus ends my rant! Phew! :) I told her yesterday that I didn't want to hear any more "off-hand" comments to something that happened many years ago now - of course, she apologized, because she had her fun and is a bitch! Yes, the woman she referred to is one I had an affair with. Wow, that felt good to get it all out. ha ha :D

    Thanks bro'. I find losing weight SO hard. I eat sweets and chips at the end of the day, which is my down fall. I have visions of myself as a skinny person, which is probably not realistic. It is not solely for reasons of vanity, either. I think I need to lose weight for my health, cause I'm not getting any younger. :(
    Matt2020 and Gil79 like this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Same here. I really had to cross a barrier to see this in myself and still have to stay alert and ask myself critical questions about it sometimes. It is really good to hear this from others like you and how you deal with it.
    Matt2020 and Saville like this.
  10. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thats the great thing with this forum, being able to just type whats on your mind and get things out there.

    When my ex declared he was leaving he brought up something that had happened 7 years previous as one of the reasons! WTF!!
    It hadnt even been a big thing at the time, and to make it worse I apologised to try and stop him leaving! Urgh, well im glad it didnt work, cos now id just tell him to fuck right off :mad::D
    realness and Saville like this.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Good riddance to bad rubbish! lol Honestly, if I had figured out in my 30's what I know now I doubt my wife and I would be together. I love her, and find her engaging, but she's a borderline narcissist who thinks more about herself. She does do her "duty" in terms of cooking, cleaning, and all that bullshit, but isn't it so much better to have someone who isn't counting up how much everyone owes them? A rhetorical question, of course. As I've mentioned, we are good friends, for the most part, and our sex life is decent. At this point, so long as we can get along most of the time, then I'm good. It sounds fatalistic, but so long as we are intimate regularly I have other things that interest me. The devil you know, at this point. lol

    I'm exercising regularly and am feeling in much better shape. I'm still fat, but I'm trying not to worry so much about that. I've reduced my calories and the weight will come off when it's ready.

    Yesterday I killed a mouse in my garage, or rather a mouse trap did the dirty work. It is an efficient killing contraption, to be sure. It reminded me of P. It's got this lovely bit of cheese attached to it, a succulent morsel, mmmm, what could possibly be dangerous about this: WHAM! Thankfully we can lift off the sprung wire and heal our necks.
    Mozenjo, NCBob and Matt2020 like this.
  12. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    That's a great analogy, it really is a tempting silent assassin (of our dicks!!) :eek:
    Boxer17, Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  13. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I was married for 15 years, and though we ended up not really being a good fit as a couple, we're much better as friends now. So I would say that what you have going with the woman you've been with for so long is good. Only you can say, though. Most people have at least some measure of narcissism goin' on. I know I do. We are individuals; it's normal to focus much of our energy on ourselves. So to acknowledge her foibles and still be friends, have sex, etc., is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you're the devils you each know, but you've also hung in there through quite a lot. I would call that a success story.
    Saville and Matt2020 like this.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks for stopping by Matt. :)

    Thanks, Moz, and I like how you put it. I never thought of me being the devil that she knows. lol But, it's true. I'm sure she didn't expect her husband, the guy who made vows to her, would end up fucking someone else. Life (we) are so much more complex than we think. Mostly we just don't learn how to deal with our shit early on.

    I'm trying to think a bit more monk like, these days. At the beginning of the journey I was all about the boffing, getting er' done, but that is an addiction, in and of itself. We were having sex once a week, but now I'm finding every 10 days is actually better for me. I feel more in to it, more in tune with my body, when I wait. Perhaps that's age, but it's also that we're used to each other, and letting time elapse creates more novelty in a way.

    I've lost a bit more weight and haven't been drinking at all. Feels good to not be such a slave stuffing my face. Life feels decent and I feel on track. Yay! :D
  15. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    Hi, I thought I’d reach out to a few folks on the forum seeing as my attempts to quit this by myself haven’t exactly worked out.
  16. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good rhythm. I'm still enjoying making up for lost time, but will undoubtedly settle into a less frequent schedule.
    Great stuff. Love the way you're taking care of yourself. My COVID "pooch" needs some work too. You're inspiring me to slow down on the calories and exercise more.
    Saville likes this.
  17. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Ive never had a partner that wanted a lot of sex but id have thought that sensitivity could be increased with longer breaks in between so more enjoyable when it happens.

    That's excellent as i suspect a lot of people right now are doing the exact opposite whilst sitting on their couches during lockdown so well done :)
    Gil79 and Saville like this.
  18. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    There are so many things that we are slaves to. We only get to realise it when for whatever reason we step away from it and can gain a bit of distance.
    Libertad and Saville like this.
  19. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Saville,
    I hope you are doing well these days.

    Great to hear you have lost some weight... I need to do the same. We are indeed slaves to many things. Kick in the pants for me is I started drinking again after 27 years alcohol free!!! It seems I am an addictive person and as I have written on my journal in the past, I need to pick an addiction that is less harmful to me.

    Anyway great to reconnect and read your journal... the best to you my friend.

    Saville likes this.
  20. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

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