Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Same here. I really had to cross a barrier to see this in myself and still have to stay alert and ask myself critical questions about it sometimes. It is really good to hear this from others like you and how you deal with it.
     
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  2. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thats the great thing with this forum, being able to just type whats on your mind and get things out there.

    When my ex declared he was leaving he brought up something that had happened 7 years previous as one of the reasons! WTF!!
    It hadnt even been a big thing at the time, and to make it worse I apologised to try and stop him leaving! Urgh, well im glad it didnt work, cos now id just tell him to fuck right off :mad::D
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Good riddance to bad rubbish! lol Honestly, if I had figured out in my 30's what I know now I doubt my wife and I would be together. I love her, and find her engaging, but she's a borderline narcissist who thinks more about herself. She does do her "duty" in terms of cooking, cleaning, and all that bullshit, but isn't it so much better to have someone who isn't counting up how much everyone owes them? A rhetorical question, of course. As I've mentioned, we are good friends, for the most part, and our sex life is decent. At this point, so long as we can get along most of the time, then I'm good. It sounds fatalistic, but so long as we are intimate regularly I have other things that interest me. The devil you know, at this point. lol

    I'm exercising regularly and am feeling in much better shape. I'm still fat, but I'm trying not to worry so much about that. I've reduced my calories and the weight will come off when it's ready.

    Yesterday I killed a mouse in my garage, or rather a mouse trap did the dirty work. It is an efficient killing contraption, to be sure. It reminded me of P. It's got this lovely bit of cheese attached to it, a succulent morsel, mmmm, what could possibly be dangerous about this: WHAM! Thankfully we can lift off the sprung wire and heal our necks.
     
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  4. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    That's a great analogy, it really is a tempting silent assassin (of our dicks!!) :eek:
     
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  5. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I was married for 15 years, and though we ended up not really being a good fit as a couple, we're much better as friends now. So I would say that what you have going with the woman you've been with for so long is good. Only you can say, though. Most people have at least some measure of narcissism goin' on. I know I do. We are individuals; it's normal to focus much of our energy on ourselves. So to acknowledge her foibles and still be friends, have sex, etc., is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you're the devils you each know, but you've also hung in there through quite a lot. I would call that a success story.
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks for stopping by Matt. :)

    Thanks, Moz, and I like how you put it. I never thought of me being the devil that she knows. lol But, it's true. I'm sure she didn't expect her husband, the guy who made vows to her, would end up fucking someone else. Life (we) are so much more complex than we think. Mostly we just don't learn how to deal with our shit early on.

    I'm trying to think a bit more monk like, these days. At the beginning of the journey I was all about the boffing, getting er' done, but that is an addiction, in and of itself. We were having sex once a week, but now I'm finding every 10 days is actually better for me. I feel more in to it, more in tune with my body, when I wait. Perhaps that's age, but it's also that we're used to each other, and letting time elapse creates more novelty in a way.

    I've lost a bit more weight and haven't been drinking at all. Feels good to not be such a slave stuffing my face. Life feels decent and I feel on track. Yay! :D
     
  7. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I thought I’d reach out to a few folks on the forum seeing as my attempts to quit this by myself haven’t exactly worked out.
     
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Amen!
    Sounds like a good rhythm. I'm still enjoying making up for lost time, but will undoubtedly settle into a less frequent schedule.
    Great stuff. Love the way you're taking care of yourself. My COVID "pooch" needs some work too. You're inspiring me to slow down on the calories and exercise more.
     
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  9. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Ive never had a partner that wanted a lot of sex but id have thought that sensitivity could be increased with longer breaks in between so more enjoyable when it happens.

    That's excellent as i suspect a lot of people right now are doing the exact opposite whilst sitting on their couches during lockdown so well done :)
     
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  10. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    There are so many things that we are slaves to. We only get to realise it when for whatever reason we step away from it and can gain a bit of distance.
     
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  11. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Saville,
    I hope you are doing well these days.

    Great to hear you have lost some weight... I need to do the same. We are indeed slaves to many things. Kick in the pants for me is I started drinking again after 27 years alcohol free!!! It seems I am an addictive person and as I have written on my journal in the past, I need to pick an addiction that is less harmful to me.

    Anyway great to reconnect and read your journal... the best to you my friend.


    GMS
     
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  12. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, thanks for asking, Matt. Thanks also to Clovis, Moz and GMS.

    I'm doing pretty well. I found out I have low thyroid function, which probably explains why I suddenly crashed and burned this past fall. Having very little energy and feeling kind of weird meant I used a bit of P to help give me a boost. I'm on meds now so hopefully that helps me turn the corner. I think I've been hypo for a long time and just got used to not having a lot of energy; so I guess it isn't all down to using P. o_O 40new30 used to write a lot about our adrenals and thyroid and I guess he was bang on. He used a lot of supplements and wrote extensively on how they impacted his health.

    Still having sex about once every ten days with the wife. She would rather beat me off, but I almost always make her take her panties off for the pork sword.:cool: Mostly I do gardening these days, a place where old men go to hide and not think about much. I would like to read more but my wife is constantly around because of Covid and the fact that she's working from home. Hearing her voice all day on Zoom triggers my PTSD. lol Her voice would slice an alligator open at 20 paces. You can hear it during hurricane force winds. I'll be dead in my coffin and her voice will be haunting me as she screams: "I told you NOT TO WEAR SHOES IN THE HOUSE!" :eek:
     
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  14. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Saville,
    Our wives may be sisters!

    Hope the meds help you turn the corner but in all it sounds like things are going well for you. My energy has been low for MANY years... had a Dr check once and all was normal. I do believe mine is PMO related.

    Enjoy the gardening... it is a great way to relax. I have some figs trees. They grow just about anywhere and I love figs.

    Peace brother and great work staying clean!!!

    GMS
     
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  15. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Saville, seeing as you mentioned that you do gardening, might now be a good time to take on a new project in your garden? It would provide you with a creative challenge, physical exercises, as well as the novelty of trying something new. All of those might be really good substitutes for PMO.
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    There's no question that PMO robs us of energy. But, low thyroid can compound things, as well. I had my thyroid checked before and was always told it was fine. Now all of a sudden it's very low. I think for a long it was at the very bottom of normal.

    For sure! Not having any issues with PMO at the moment, only with the wife. lol But, you're right, having projects is a necessity to getting and staying healthy. Maybe I'll become an instagram influencer! :D
     
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  17. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hi Saville,
    I have a yearly physically coming up soon... I will ask Dr to check thyroid.


    Thanks,
    GMS
     
  18. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi Saville, I suppose tht you could try growing some flowers in your garden to give to your wife:)
     
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  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's a good plan! Maybe I'll plant mums so that she'll stay quiet. ;) I think I'm going to try and grow some veggies. I'll start with easy ones like zucchini and carrots.
     
  20. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Get some fig trees!
     
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