Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Moz! :)

    I had a dream a couple of nights ago where I was making love with the wife, but couldn't cum. This is an old fear, one that was pretty much absent when I was off P. It's interesting that the haunting comes back after a fall. I haven't had sex in over a month and that is all because I decided to go for a binge. I don't feel much of anything right now, but I know the best way to get the libido back is to have sex.

    I have been walking about 5 miles every day, because I don't have much else to do. lol I try to make it a walking-meditation more than exercise. As many have said, including me, giving up PMO does not set one's life to perfect. I turned to PMO for the same reason I turned to food and booze: they make me feel better for a short time.

    I'm trying not to over analyze everything, as I feel that makes a person just stay stuck. I'm still of the philosophy that moving forward with as positive a frame of mind is what's needed. However, I am chastened by my recent crash and realize that this recovery must be different
     
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  2. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Must it be different? By 98% of the guys on this board, you recovery has been very successful. You screwed up for a short period of time. It's not like you were back on this stuff for months and it destroyed your life and relationships. I know you never want to do this stuff again, and I hope you don't, but if you get 4-5 years between slip-ups, that is still wildly successful in my book. Don't overanalyze a new recovery. Whatever you did worked, right up until it didn't. I'm sure you've seen me write about the concept of prelapse before. I think that's where your answers are really at.
     
  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Well said, JS. Couldn't agree more.
    Saville, your dreams and malaise are telling you something. I think the dream is warning you that porn could bring back all the shitty feelings and penile dysfunction that brought you here in the first place. And the malaise that led up to your fall may have more to do with boredom than anything else. You're certainly smart enough to know that knocking off the overindulgences of all kinds, whether it be food, alcohol, porn, etc. and just doing the things that make you feel better (moderation in the first two and abstinence in the third) will work wonders on your mood. In this age where we can't see as many people as we may like, do something fun with the one person you CAN see. Your wife. Not just sex. Go for a walk with her or something.
    Just my two cents.
     
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  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yeah, you're right. :)

    We have taken the odd walk, but I definitely can make more of an effort. You used the word "malaise" and I think that's what it is.

    Thanks guys for the boost! You rock!

    Has anyone read the book "Sapiens?" It's an interesting read. It starts from our beginnings as fledgling humans to our present day selves. There is a lot of supposition in the book, and some filler in the latter chapters, but I found it really made me think about our place in the history of earth. Each progression (ex: agrarian revolution) in human kind saw an equal backward step in our autonomy as a people. The internet has been a boon on many levels, but, as we all know, has become an efficient slave master.
     
  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    To add my 2 cents: I don't think rebooting will ultimately stop us from watching porn. What it does (at least to me) is it teaches us what we find important and decreases the chance of us slipping. Situations can change and you might still slip, but you learn how to deal with that better. In that sense there is no 'this time'. What you are doing now is still the same thing as what you did 6 months ago. You might call it rebooting, you could also call trying to get out of life what you want. Point is, it's not an instance, it's a process. I like to see it as travelling a path: we might trip and fall flat on our face, but it's still the same path. It's life;)
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    At the beginning I trusted the process of nofap completely. Trying to figure myself out as a person was secondary to staying the hell away from PMO. I still think that's a great way to go. Last night I was reading about the 13th century mystic/monk Meister Eckardt. He spoke not of a journey, but a coming into rhythm with oneself - this intuitively speaks to me. Instead of seeing a path that we must travel, we fall into rhythm with who we already are.

    I'm having decent morning wood now and yesterday felt my libido revving up a little. I'm also walking a good deal, because what else is there to do at the moment? Thankfully we are not shut indoors by the authorities like in some countries. I have a few different walks I do, all beginning from my front door. I find keeping my distance from others is no problem, as there aren't that many out. I've noticed a few badly behaved drivers, but the walkers all seem very friendly, usually exchanging a wave and a smile. :)
     
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  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Glad to see you back on the forum, Saville:) If we're not working it, it will work us:D
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks NCBob! Great to be back. :)

    Now that I feel I'm back on-track I have noticed how I definitely am not starting at zero, again. In fact, as I was watching P I was also aware of how boring it all was. The major reason it only lasted two weeks was because I had been sober for so long. It really doesn't have the same hold over me it once did. I was really rattled by it, as I've recounted above, but the wise words of my fellows here were bang on: it was just a slip, no big deal.

    Last night I was playing games with my family and before I knew it I had thrown a couple of drinks back and ate WAY too many potato chips. I had a fitful night, which is not surprising given the crap I put in my body. So, today I'm back on the eating healthier wagon. I don't mind allowing myself a cookie during the day, but the handfuls of chips are definitely out.

    Had sex with the wife yesterday, too, and it was pretty awesome. I had a great boner and came easily. Phew!
     
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  9. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Never forget -- although the guys who run the show there wish we would -- that the entire NoFap movement began as a challenge on Reddit many years ago to replicate the Seinfeld episode "The Contest."
     
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  10. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    Nothing wrong with that.
     
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  11. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    So, if you're climbing a mountain, and you fall down, did you fall completely down the mountain? Or did you trip during a certain part of your climb, and land a short distance away? There's a big difference between the two, as well as what you need to do, depending on where you see yourself having landed:)
     
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Great analogy! I'm now seeing it as just a stumble, a skinned knee. :) Thanks, bro'.

    I did not know that. It seems there is a Seinfeld episode for everything. lol I had a friend who used to bring up Seinfeld a lot when we were chatting. Personally, the show never jived with my vibe. ha ha Maybe it's because I never lived in NYC. I find most shows that take place in NYC are kind of smug: "look at us, we live in the best city ever!" I love visiting NYC, but it stinks, it's noisy, and it's dirty. Wow, I'm on a tangent. :D I do love the museums and theater though. I guess each place has its thing. My own little hamlet is boring and filled with people who are excited because they went to the mall. We have our own type of noise. Sometimes, when I'm sitting out my deck enjoying a beer, I also get to enjoy the sound of lawn mowers, weed whackers, leaf blowers and hedge trimmers. o_O
     
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  13. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I live about 90 minutes from Boston and while they are mortal enemies, people of Boston and NYC share a lot of similar traits. When I was in rehab back in 2014 in Southern California, there was a woman a few years younger than me who was from Long Island and we were the only two people from the Northeast. People used to sit there and marvel how we would talk to each other because it was so condescending and so full of insults...yet we absolutely got along. There's a sarcasm and negativity to the language here that I think a lot of people don't understand if they didn't grow up with it. What comes off as smug animosity is really just everyday communication.
     
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  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Reminds me of me and my fraternity brothers, JS. If you didn't know us and our history, you'd think we'd had it out for each other. Nothing further from the truth. You need to be inside the circle to appreciate what's going on inside it:D
     
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I know that kind of friendly banter that sounds more like taunting and insults well! :) I was only referring to TV shows that take place in NYC, not the people, just to be clear. I also love Boston, it's a city one can really walk around and the history there is something else. I've spent a lot of time in both cities and always enjoy myself. I had fantasies of living in the big city, but I guess smaller places suit me better.

    Nothing to report on the PMO front. I'm feeling decent and keeping myself active. I do feel a bit of the blahs, but nothing overwhelming. It could just be all this covid bullshit and all it entails. Yesterday was the first day in a long while where I didn't need a nap, so that's progress. ha ha
     
  16. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    The napless day.... that's like finding a unicorn.
     
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  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Had sex with the wifey. :) It had been almost two weeks since our last romp and it was fun. With one of my kids home due to the pandemic it's not as easy to find alone time. I've always fantasized when having sex with the wife, that is until I found this place. But, over the past year I lapsed back into the habit of imagining other people and/or porn scenes. Today I tried my best to stay present and it is honestly so much better. Instead of making cumming the goal I just allowed myself to enjoy. This is rather hard for us here, because we've lost touch with parts of our joyous selves. Anyway, good start to the day. :)

    I'm not working at all, at the moment. My workplace shut down. Because of the nature of what I do I don't even have "at home" work to do. My income has taken a hit, but I'll be fine. So, because I have no place of employment to go to I need things to do; one can only watch so much TV. Everyday I give myself three things to accomplish. They can big or small. I usually take a 5 mile walk and I count that as one thing. Next I might do the windows, or tidy the garage, or work in the yard...that kind of thing. I fucking hate where I work, anyway, so perhaps this is a good time to reassess the next few years before I become completely decrepit. I've lost a bit of weight, but I think my career as a super model is out. Dang! I think I'd do well in commercials where they need a fat, bald, goofy looking older man. :D Patrick Stewart seems to still be getting gigs and he must be close to 80. I have to say, though, I was hoping for better with "Picard." Maybe they can use me in the second season as the ensign who gets killed after five minutes of screen time.
     
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  18. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Ive finally caught up with your journal Saville so thought id say a quick Hi and thank you for your input on my journal. Its much appreciated.

    Never say never :D
     
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  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Matt!

    LOL Time to rock my speedo, if I can find where I lost it in my ass crack. :D :eek:

    Feeling more energized, more clear headed now I'm not MO'ing. Did feel a bit sinus-y this morning so I injected some clorox into my veins and I'm all good now; it's like I've gotten freaking super powers!:rolleyes:

    I actually went for a bike ride today and it felt good aside from the fact that my knees hurt. Guess being overweight and in my sixties might have something to do with that. Still, I can get a boner without drugs so I guess I'm doing pretty good. I remember reading about a Spanish Director (maybe Bunuel) who said that losing his libido in his early 70's was one of the best things that ever happened to him. At the time I thought WTF! But, being a mere 9 years from 70, I think maybe that is something to look forward to. I dunno. What I do know is that since giving up PMO I've had pretty decent sex.

    Early on one guy wrote on my journal, I think it was wabisabi, that I needed to love myself. I'm still not sure what that looks or feels like, or if it is even important. I mean, it sounds good, right, but maybe we don't need that. Maybe when we can look at the sky, feel the wind on our face, and that makes us feel some contentment, then that is where we are meant to be at.
     
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  20. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    that's all part and parcel of loving ourselves, Saville:)
     
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