Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Titan! :)

    Had sex with the wife last night. I was dog tired, but I never turn down sex when wifey's in the mood.

    When I first stopped fapping and PMO, my body rewired to my wife's body and cumming was pretty easy. My erections were good and sex was fun. But, after the first year I began a bit of fapping now and again. I figured it wouldn't hurt to fap right after having sex, because I would probably have six days to rest before being with the wife again. Well, that turned into fapping four or five times. Guess what? My erections got weaker and the wife had to beat me off, while I fantasized in my head. Not a good scenario! Since giving up altogether on MO I've had sex with the wife three times and my erections are strong and I cum easily inside her.

    Neurons that fire together, wire together. It's that simple. If the penis is wired to the hand (or anything other than a pussy) then failure will be the result. I'm 60, overweight (though it's better :) ), in OK shape, but not great, and I have no trouble getting an erection, sustaining it, and then filling the wife with splooge. Age has very little to do with how successful we are in the bed. I'm just a regular dude who is on the older side of things and my body works just fine.

    There is WAY too much talk about how guys lose their testosterone as they age and then can't perform. @Bobo and I are living proof that sex is satisfying and no problem when we get older. Maybe in 5 years I'll have something different to report, but I actually don't think so. There is no reason why our bodies shouldn't be able to respond sexually as we age. Is it the same as when I was in my 20's? Obviously not, but it doesn't need to be. I'm capable of much more intimacy now and actually understand my own body.

    When I was having ED issues I scoured the internet looking for information that would help my pecker. It was all depressing news. From psychologists to sport's gurus, they all said "some men have issues when they hit their late 40's. The usual formula to help was diet and exercise. That's a pile of bullshit! It's all in our heads. When I found this place and read the above statement: neurons that fire together, wire together, it was a light bulb moment. That is really the only information we need.

    Here's something for you guys who are not having sex with anyone. Go get a woman! Drop your standards. Instead of looking for someone who is hot and has a good body, how about start looking at the women who's asses are huge and are just OK to look at. You might just find someone who is kind and fun. My wife is still a good looking woman and she's 63. She can be fun, but she was never really kind. The struggles we had were because she always had to be right, always had to have the last word, and always wanted her way, were not worth it. I'm stuck with her now and my transformation has changed her, but if I had to do it all over again she would have just been a fling. Yes, my children are precious and I'm so glad they are in my life, but I'm just looking at this as a former nice guy. I don't regret what happened, only highlighting how much better it is to be with someone who really appreciates you for who you are. Kindness is a better quality than beauty, any day!
     
  2. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    Thanks for this @Saville . Your story very closely aligns with mine. My wife is also a ball-buster who needs to be right and in control. I've always fought it, though, which has almost led to us getting divorced numerous times. I wouldn't and I'm quite sure she would not say I have nice guy syndrome. And I don't put her on a pedestal. I never have. Despite that, our marriage has been somewhat turbulent. Sometimes, because, she complains I don't put her on a pedestal! It's good that you've overcome NGS and your marriage is better, but I'm here to tell you that marriage, especially marriage to women like our wives, is guaranteed to be tough no matter how you are. Heck, I think marriage is probably hard period. Men and women are designed to have sex and make babies with each other. Living together is a whole other thing.

    It's encouraging to read about your journey with ED. I don't know why I'm worried.... Just Sunday night I had wood 3 different times I woke up. I guess it's just that it's not a full erection. And that I'm not getting that every night that I'm aware of and that as soon as I get up, usually, it disappears. I'm always able to climax with my wife almost always with a 90% erection or better. So, it's not physical. I guess.....

    Anyway, that's good advice about finding a partner, both sexual and life, too. Unfortunately, especially when we're young, we're much more apt to follow our hormones than our common sense. Biology trumps all, at least most of the time. It's why this is a tough addiction to beat.

    Thanks for being here.
     
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  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I like this advice a lot. I'll see if I can pursue it somehow. I also really like big asses lol.

    What exactly does this mean ? Is it that if we (only) PMO we basically train our neurons to only be aroused by Porn ? That we wire "sex" and porn together as the only way of .... "having sex" ?

    So basically by having actual sex with a woman we rewire the neurons of "sex" with ... actual sex ?

    EDIT : my bad, I re-read your whole post and you explained it ! :)
     
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  4. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    You have a good point in here. With a kind woman, it would give a rise to our confidence and also give a good energy to man's life. To P influenced addict, its not so easy to follow. We, especially us P addicts have conditioned for looks in woman, perfect body etc. Same time, we have become pussy worshipers, especially those of us who have nice guy qualities in us. We adore, crave and fear (especially good looking) women, many times imagining them naked right away. Of course its normal for healthy male to do that, but I think that P has twisted its user to do much more that craving/worshiping than its natural to do.

    This same happened recently to good friend of mine. Im not saying that he is an P addict, but definitely he has strong nice guy qualities in him. He met one woman who is much younger than his age, very good looking, princess like woman. There was many red flags about the woman's difficult,demanding nature right away. My friend ignored them all blindly, just telling me that now he met "the right one" and will marry her.. Woman is unabashedly using my friend financially, demanding all kinds of precious gifts to "show that he truly love her". She is also right away bashing him mentally, telling he is an idiot, impotent and so on.. My friend is catering that witches every whim and wish, cleaning, doing food, taking care of her dogs. Sound familiar? I fear that my friend is on his way to financial and mental ruin. All for good looks in woman. :(
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
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  5. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Yes. Heather is 27 years younger than me. I am 59 shes 32. Like Saville said I am just a normal older guy. I still fuck her silly and fill her with splooge. She is like but "you are almost 60 years old! You're like my dad." ( which my mom complains ) I am in pretty good shape, lost 50 lbs, do core exercises every day, weights 3 days a week and walk 3 days a week for 3 miles barefoot in deep sand. ŤTestosterone reduction-- bullshit! Cholesterol is the basis of all hormones and your brain is made of it. If you take statins ( cholesterol lowering drugs) your hormone count is by definition going to be down so guess where you will see that ?=
    That says it all! Like Saville said its really very simple and if pecker is used to pussy and that's what it wants give it your hand it will get used to it but go back to pussy you will have a problem for a long while. Its like you cut a new path for the river going back to old path ain't gonna be too easy, its gonna be hell!

    Ok, so this is not going to be nice and politically correct. If you want to stop pmo JUST DO IT! Not only today but all days or you're gonna repeat! NO EXCUSE NO THINKING AROUND IT NO " BUT I HAVE TO BLAH BLAH!IF ONLY SHE WOULD BLAH BLAH! Pmo DESTROYS YOU MAKES YOU LESS OF A MAN! It may leave you temporarily satisfied but not really totally satisfied, you feel like a usurper!

    We all need to be kind to ourselves, cautious yes but kind for sure. This is where we need to think !
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2019
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yes this!
     
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  7. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Really great post, Saville. I was always too afraid to make a mistake and look bad and so I made the biggest one to change nothing and my comfort zone with women, work and life in general got smaller and smaller. It really is time to reverse the situation and take the risk of making a few mistakes to growth and learn. Another well earned kick in my lazy and anxious butt. o_O
     
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  8. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Yes changing the comfort zone with women is rough and tough. Did you guys ever wonder why women are attracted to "bad boys?" I will tell you if you dont know --BAD BOYS DONT GIVE A SHIT! All of us have seen when we get pissed how women are more soluticious, more compliant. Not abusive but like Heather says "I want a man with balls, not one where I keep his balls in my purse. A man with balls makes my panties wet makes me want him." When you're a MR NICE GUY this can be really tough the first few times. I have been a semi professional dancer for a long while and since I adopted the " I don't give a shit attitude" when I quit pmo over 1 1/2 tears ago women are like totally attentive. I am not a outstanding member of the male race just regular. I dont think when it comes to personal attraction that even the feminazis want a enoch. Those that do are shall we say "challenged!" Yes, I know but "you have Heather dude!" Yup but I think she knows I dont give a shit, I care but I am not gonna take her shit.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
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  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Giving up PMO redefined our marriage. My energy changed and then my outlook on life did too. As more of this new energy began to pervade the house the wife began to look at me differently. It was unconscious on the wife's part. She was just responding to her in-built DNA. I also began to view my wife as a two year old, something I've mentioned before. So, when she was busy trying to get her way it just didn't bother me that much. It was like a short-lived puff of wind that scatter leaves about, but then falls silent. I redefined for myself what being a husband looked like. Before, I believed a husband should be an equal helper. I also believed I had to solve her issues, because, yes, I was infected with nice guy syndrome. It was telling that as soon as she would get angry I would get cleaning. Essentially I was pussified...except I wasn't getting any pussy.o_O

    Setting boundaries, going to counselling, never works, because inherent in all that is enormous criticism. And, unless the other person has had a revolution of spirit they are never going to want the status-quo to change. Giving up PMO allowed the paradigm to shift and then change happened in the relationship organically. The key to much of this change, though, was making sure the wife knew that we were going to have sex once-a-week. I bugged her relentlessly. A couple of times she even yelled at me telling me that I was abusing her. She literally freaked out. Why? Because, she was terrified of losing her power base. I had my hands on her all the time, because I intuited that this was the way. It was clumsy and made me vulnerable to her verbal attacks, but it worked. Again, as I've mentioned here many times, action is key. If we don't act upon our desires then nothing ever changes. My wife might have freaked out about me pawing her, but at least the narrative was shifting; we weren't hashing over the same shit anymore. My wife now reaches out to touch me. Turns out we both actually like hugging, holding, and pawing. ha ha

    There are so many single women out there. If we put ourselves in their spaces we will find someone to connect with. I like big butts and I can not lie... LOL :D

    Bingo!

    You're so right. I just lost a very close friend, he died in an auto accident. I'm sure he didn't think that day, as he left for work, that he wouldn't have any more time left. I'm still sad about his death, but it also activated more desire to really live my life and not just let time go by.

    Exactly. We care deeply for our partner, but we aren't handing them our balls and putting on a dress.

    I'm doing well. Giving up booze has really been a game changer. It was another big shift in my relationship with myself. Alcohol just hides our self from our self. I haven't lost any weight for about a month, but I haven't gained any, either. I've been reading a ton, which helps to keep my mind active and curious.

    Hope everyone is having a cool day!:cool:
     
  10. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Epic!
    Thank you to be here @Saville :)
     
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  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Uncle @Saville where are you???
    Hope you're doing well my friend. Looking forward to seeing you back here very soon
     
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  12. NewHorizon

    NewHorizon Member

    I've been reading your journal and I came across your description of the type of p you once used. The homosexual one.

    I was wondering if it had any effect on your mental health at the time? Did it raise any question concerning your sexuality?

    I'm asking this because I had a period in my early twenties when I was obsessing over that particular question. I could not lift it up the first time I tried to have sex (obviously now because I was hooked on p) and it all went downhill from there. At one time I believed I was in the closet and in denial of the situation, because I could not get turned on by a real girl. Have I been watching homosexual p at the time it would have destroyed me.

    Obviously, I'm younger than you so maybe that is a silly question.

    I know, my question is a bit intense for a first encounter! lol
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey @Bobo and @Outsider. thanks for posting and looking in on me! :) I'm doing well, but needed a break. I also went on holiday and I never check the forum while I'm away. Wife and I are getting along well and my libido is excellent...a little too excellent as I've been fantasizing about the neighbors wife. o_O The other day she gave me a long hug, too long, and I could feel the sparks. So, I am now keeping my distance. Before I would have been figuring out ways to fuck her and she would've been prime jack-off material, but that was a different person. I also defriended another woman on facebook, as she began to message me regularly. Giving up PMO means being austere in all aspects of one's life.

    @NewHorizon , thanks for stopping by! :) My go-to P was not gay. I always started with vanilla stuff, but after years looking at "regular" P it didn't do it for me the same way. I had difficult staying hard and cumming so I ventured further afield. This is how insidious P is. It takes our healthy desire for intimacy (sex) and twists it into something ugly. Anyway, to answer your question, no, it didn't make me wonder about my sexuality. However, if I'd been younger I have no doubt it would have. Again, this is how awful P is for a person's psyche. The only way to find out for sure how you feel about your sexuality is to stop using P. I had all kinds of unhealthy thoughts when I was PMO'ing every day. Now that I've been away from it for over three years my appetites are "normal."

    The worse thing about using P is that it robs us of energy and direction. I wasted decades fapping away my motivation. The question isn't whether we're straight or gay. The question is: what kind of life do we want to lead? Once you give up P for a time (probably 120 days) you will begin to see wonderful new vistas where you want to go. Despite all the crap we are deluged with every day, all the negativity in life, and all the stressors, the world is still intensely beautiful. It takes a bit of courage to reach out for it, but just a little bit. We can all decide this very day to do things differently.
     
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  14. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Even though I'm not 30 yet, I am getting a lot of wisdom nuggets from this region of the forum!

    A lot of wise words to live by!!!
     
  15. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    LOL @ this situation with the neighbours wife. Yes, keeping your distance would be a good idea. You're a whole house apart :)

    Good to have you back on the forum, hope you enjoyed the holiday.
     
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  16. NewHorizon

    NewHorizon Member

    Thank you for answering my question! It answers it extensively.

    I'm happy to read the threads of people older than me because it gives a lot of insight that I could not come up with alone. This is why this forum is so great.

    I totally agree that p robs us from energy and direction. I always "subconsciously" thought I was just a lazy person and even boring, as it was a fact of my life. Now I'm wondering what if it's because my reward system is all ****** up? The truth is I was not that way when I was a kid.
     
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  17. Universal

    Universal Active Member Staff Member

    Hey man,

    I used to read the 40+ topic awhile ago when everyone was posting on 40new30's journal (he seems to have disappeared?). I distinctly remember your username also, new account but same name so you may have seen me around the forum when people like gameover, hogus and fugu were posting.

    Anyway, hope all is well. I'm going to be reading through your journal.
     
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  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    @Universal, thanks for stopping by!

    Life is generally good. I am over 3 and 1/2 years PMO free. This would not be remarkable except that I'm continuing to feel changes. My brain is more clear and I simply enjoy life more. Of course, being that I'm just over 60 now I also have times where I think about the wasted years, but I don't allow myself to dwell on that. There are significant changes over the first year and half, but these changes keep on coming. In other words, the journey is worth it. It isn't easy, but should it be? It's like hiking the West Coast Trail (something I've never done). One starts off with energy and purpose, but after a couple of days when the feet, shoulders, and back get sore, it's hard to see why it seemed like something desirable to do in the first place. But, we know that the completing the trek is an accomplishment and so we go on, placing one foot after the other.

    This summer I have noticed that I enjoy music more. I actually hear it differently. When I began journaling I remember wondering if I would ever feel real joy again. I had what some here have termed: anhedonia, which means an inability to feel pleasure. It's taken over 3 years, but I'm starting to feel pleasure in a number of areas of my life.

    40new30 wrote about using adaptogens as a way of restarting certain dopamine pathways. I think he was/is on the right path. It is hard to say if PMO beat us down or if it was a lack of something we physically needed. PMO definitely keeps us stuck, keeps us down, and disallows us from discovering what supplement might make our lives worth living. Personally, I believe my thyroid to be low, even though my doctor said "it's just fine." But, if it's just fine because it's on some scale, but is at the lower end of that scale, then is it really "fine." A junker car might get you to the mall, but for a long road trip it'd likely break down.

    Giving up PMO, as many have said, is just the beginning. There are mountain passes to climb, but there are also long stretches of boring flat lands. These flat lands are the most challenging part of it all, I think.

    I guess what giving up PMO does for one is it gives us a little bit of grit inside. It makes us uncomfortable enough that we seek other changes. We might not be enjoying the long stretches of nothing, but we push through because this bit of grit has given us some stamina. I don't know if this grit ever becomes a pearl, but it does help push us to find a life that has value.
     
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  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Good to have you back, Saville, and congratulations on 3.5 years PMO free!!!

    It sounds like you've discovered that life is a journey, and not a destination. PMO keeps us stuck in destination mode.

    Keep up your most excellent efforts:)
     
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  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

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