Fuck, I hope so! ha ha Felt so horny yesterday. When I was talking to a young colleague I was thinking "totally like to fuck you right now!" I'm old enough to be her dad and quite possibly granddad. Then I was asking our secretary about something and I wanted to boiink the shit out of her and she ain't nothing to look at. She's in her 50's and probably still a virgin. She lives with her cats and talks incessantly about them. She has a hairy lip, unfortunate moles everywhere, and spits when she talks. So, sometimes you have a day when the lizard is roaming around and he isn't particular about what he eats, or drinks, or who he fucks. Yeah, so I was pretty much a komodo dragon yesterday. I don't often feel that horny anymore, so it kind of caught me unaware...must be an after-effect from the bj! So, speaking of wanting to copulate with those who are not your SO, I'd like to mention a couple of things. Over the almost three years I've been here, from time to time there are men who write that they think having a bit of variety will make their lives better. Some guys make a case for it, saying that their wives won't give them sex anymore, or the same old sex is boring, or that people are not meant to be monogamous. @Doofus was recently writing about this on someone else's journal, but he's mentioned it on his own before, as well. (Not singling you out or judging you, Doofus. It just sparked something that I wanted to write about) As a former serial cheater here are my thoughts on the matter. For men like us, making a case to have sex with anyone other than our SO's is rationalization. It is the addict trying to find another way to suck us back into the sewer. It's interesting that we believe, after a few months of being clean, following decades of stuffing P into our brains and choking our chickens mercilessly, that we're healthy enough to make big decisions about our sex lives. I've seen so many guys come here, get clean for a time, and then all of sudden they're read to ditch their wives or consider polyamory. I'm not judging anyone in the sense that I think they are bad, but I am judging their fitness to be able to see their lives clearly after only a short time of sobriety. I remember a great guy who posted here called jam. He was smart and determined to beat his addiction. I really loved his presence on the forum here, but I had a sense that he wanted to upend his marriage. (Jam, if you're reading, you can set the record straight if I'm way off base, which has been known to happen ) Obviously if that's what someone wants then that's up to them, but when you are an addict, who is not yet fully healthy, then you are most likely doing it for the worst reason, because it's the addict who is dictating the change, not you. What I usually see here with men who are in relationships is that the relationships, over years, have become completely dysfunctional. Both parties are shut down in some way or another. Usually we've played the nice guy and our wives have taken on a roll where they're wearing the pants. This isn't the role they want, but it's what they've assumed, because of a lack of real male presence being around. We created a vacuum by being passive, by being nice, by not claiming our male status. It takes a fucking long time for this to untangle, but it definitely will once we've been off the P and M for a good long while. Over that time we must insist on our right to have sex, but we must also assume other male things in the house, such as taking care of shit like the broken piece of baseboard, the bit of painting we never did, etc. In my opinion, and I have at least seen this borne out in my own relationship, there is a cost to having access to your woman's pussy; that being that we must willingly shoulder more of the emotional load. When the woman bitches and moans it's our job to suck it up, so long as they are opening their legs regularly. The subtle levels of a relationship are there once the fundamental need is addressed. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are on our own journey. By chasing other pussy we are putting, once again, our creative life on hold. We are saying "my life doesn't matter," which is exactly where the addict wants you. It's also where our bullshit society wants us. The status-quo wants us to stay as unmotivated slaves. Our prisons are filled up with TV's, two week holidays, trips to the mall, etc. So long as we are staring at P, wishing for other bearded clams, and feeling resentful about how our woman has treated us, we are spinning on societies hamster wheel. A man needs to fuck and he needs to love, but he must also do something with his life that feels worthy.