Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Interesting post, Saville:)

    I once had a professor in grad school who on first day of class (Group Process and Procedures), told everyone that we would all get an 'A', there would be no syllabus, and that "the content was in the process". I was very uncomfortable with all of this coming out of the gate, as it completely upset my linear logical goal oriented mindset. About half-way through the semester, a light-bulb came on. One of the most important lessons in my life:)
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2019
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  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of high schools teach this way of thinking. It should be a universities job to open our minds up to new ways of learning, which are actually old organic ways. However, from my university days I remember that most profs were just products of the PHD cookie cutter. They talked a good deal about critical thinking, but what they really meant was "think like I've been taught to do." So, in that way, universities and their profs become extensions of our parents and the machine, the all-knowing, all seeing, eye. Of course, now universities have been taken over by bean counters and the PC crowd. The liberal arts are being defunded in favor of what used to be the purview of vocational schools. Meanwhile, the PC'ers are twisting in the wind, worried more about "rape" culture than actually opening up minds, which might actually really change campus society. Our local university added six people to the office of the president, with titles ranging from vice-president to liaison officer to the office of the President...uhm, yikes! Meanwhile non-tenured lecturers are teaching most of the courses in buildings that are filthy because there aren't enough cleaners. :mad:Wow, didn't realize I was going on a rant. :cool:

    Bobo, I doubt I'll try beer with ice, because I'm now a non-drinker. :p Speaking of which, it's the last day of Jan. Woot! I had decided it would be a dry January, but now I'm a gunna keep on truckin'. I lost 10 lbs over January, which has been a side benefit. When I don't drink I don't feel the compulsion to fill my face as much. No one has commented on my weight yet :oops: but I think I'm just another 10 lbs away from that. lol Isn't it funny that when we noticeably begin to lose weight people will tell us how good we look, yet when we gain weight people say nothing? I know what they're thinking "geez, Saville's really packed it on. Looks like the bloated dead sea lion I saw once on the beach." :eek:
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  3. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Well you are now a new person--- woo--hoo even though beer is yummy !:eek::D
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  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Bobo! :)

    I got invited to a super bowl party. Woot! Oh, wait, I don't like football that much. :eek: Yeah, I know that's practically sacrilege. I'm going to go, but as I will be tea-totalling and abstaining from snacks, I'm guessing I won't be one of the "fun" people.

    This morning I felt the need to cum. I felt full down in my nether regions. I did consider rubbing one out :oops: but when I examined my state of mind I could see that I was in no way horny. I didn't have a boner, even thinking about sex didn't get me aroused, so what's the deal! The deal is my addict was trying to fool me. In a high, obsequious, voice it was saying "c'mon, you're backed up, it's not healthy." I remember when I was regularly wanking one to two (or three) times every single day. I often had a sore prostate. Since giving that up, for the most part, my prostate no longer troubles me. Sitting in a chair for a couple of hours at a time, all the while stroking one's dick, trying to find the perfect clip of P, is bad news for the plumbing on so many levels.
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  5. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Interestingly, I had prostatitis (no cancer but some sort of bacterial infection). As soon as I stopped wanking it went away after some time. So it wasn't a bacterial infection ( doctors are clueless ). Interestingly, also constant piv dosent cause it. Heather and I are fucking 4 or 5 times a week ( piv and bj's )and I always cum. The last time I went to doc my prostate was healthy and fine. So for those that think M is ok maybe you should rethink this. M is not ok and realigns your system and not in a good way. The medical profession does not understand anything sexual except prescribing little blue pills. Why does it negatively realign ? Who knows, did our ancestors wank ? I doubt it.
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2019
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Boffing releases other chemicals, I think. It makes sense to the body to ejaculate inside a woman. The problem with PMO is that it also takes a long fucking time, as we jump from one clip to the next, always delaying the gratification.

    I would like to boff the old girl more than my once-a-week, but it seems that isn't going to happen. I still try, but she's got it settled in her mind that our schedule is a good one. At this point in my wife's life she would probably rather go shopping than get laid. I hold her a lot, though, and give her kisses. I'm fortunate that she can let herself go at all with me, as there is the shadow of two other women. It's almost entirely behind us, but something like cheating can never be fully eradicated. I still have moments of terrible guilt, but they are only moments. I quickly dispense with the maudlin enterprise, as it's utterly useless. I'm not that man anymore. Knowing that makes me smile. :)

    I'm excited at the thought of learning new skills even as I approach the status of a senior. :cool:
  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    This is great. You've been here around 3 years I think, and I know I've said it before, but I'm grateful that you keep reminding us of how this CAN be done! And that we should never give up hope. You really continue to better yourself. Sure, we're not juniors anymore, but without the soul crushing and time killing habit weighing us down, we can make the most of our precious few years left in this life. Keep honing those skills!
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
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  8. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    yes, it is important to have living proof of guys that succeed. But we do not expect you to be perfect ;) Like maybe you like pineapple on pizza or have holes in your socks.o_O
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  9. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    It seems that the chemical change that occurs with boffing is a subject that is frightening or at best unpopular. I think it is scary and we(I) need to be well aware of it. M is a very dangerous practice and has disastrous effects on the body. I think the prevailing medical opinion that M is good for the body and spirit is dead wrong and is just more bullshit like so many other things they paddle down the river. After all we are doctors and researchers " how dare you question us and ask us for scientific proof!" The interesting fact--- we the unproven probably know more about this than they do. Have years of facts and experience.
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
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  10. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    First, thank you for taking the time to write this @Saville !

    The position you're taking here is an old one and it stands in opposition to others, as it has for millenia now, in the battle fought among thinkers in ethics. (To be is to do, To do is to be, do be do be do etc etc). Though I don't hold to your position, and, though, I might write more about why, I appreciate what you've written, the thought you've put into it and I promise to think about it more.

    I know you're not advocating Zen Buddhism, exactly, but that sort of approach to freeing ourselves from that horrible karmic wheel, is certainly attractive to me. I feel its pull. Even though, so far, I've resisted it. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm pulled by it, I don't know why I resist it, I just don't know... I guess I read too many Elightenment philosophers at just the wrong age. I'm a work in progress.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, bro, and, I will! :)
    Ha ha :D I LOVE pineapple on pizza! :cool:

    When we boff we are usually kissing a lot, which releases all kinds of goodness. PIV and MO are completely different beasts.

    Yes, you're so right. I'm for whatever works. So, I like to think that I'm a compilation of different things, but, mostly I've found that doing things is what gets my mojo working. I was probably more the opposite when I came to this site, but that wasn't personally working out for me. Simple tasks, done slowly, have become a way for me to move through the chatter of my mind with some semblance of equanimity. I believe that when we pay attention to what's in front of us, then the bigger dreams that call to us have a foundation upon which to sit and grow.

    I call myself a quarter Buddhist. I don't feel I need to be an adherent to one thing when there are so many wonderful things out there. I'm a bit of a Christian, a lover of poetry, an atheist explorer. lol I think it was Thomas Merton who said, and I paraphrase: "what use is it to travel to the moon, if we can not bridge the chasm that separates us from ourselves?" If I lived in a place with mostly dirt and few trees then I would build my house of mud, because that would be the material at hand. If I lived in the forest, then my house would be of wood. In our modern day we have trees, dirt, metal, rocks, so why not use them all when building our philosophical abode?

    Agreed! We all are. :)
  12. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Sorry dude, I disagree. Boffing or M as I see it is bad for the body. Are you calling boffing something different than M ? Perhaps we are using different terms here and I don't understand what you are saying?;)
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Boff means boink means hammer means bone means PIV means fuck! :D At least, in my lingo it does. :D
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    At home sick today. I feel ok at the moment, but had a brutal night. Yesterday was supposed to be boffing day (fucking if you're Bobo ;) ), but that didn't happen. Today I'll mount the old mare, even though I'm under the weather.

    During the night, because I couldn't sleep I was listening to a podcast about people who feel in the middle of gender, you know, the gender fluid crowd. One guy, a professor, likes to wear a dress when he teaches, but when he plays basketballs he likes baggy shorts with tank top. I mean, I actually don't give a fuck if a guy wants to wear a dress. I think people should wear what they want, for the most part. Wear a penis costume if that makes you feel great.

    I thought about being in the middle, in the zone of the twilight. It can sound reasonable at first, can't it? We see all sides and inhabit a place that includes them both. It sounds like the most reasonable position in the world. We don't have to take a stand on anything, oh, except about our fucking inalienable right to be an amorphous spirit, hovering in nowhere land, and everyone better fucking acknowledge those rights. Anyway, if people want to be there, I think that's cool, too. But, I don't want to be there.

    I was always the person in my family that strove for peace, that smoothed over confrontation, that shoved down my inner beast so everyone would feel OK. For me, it's important to take a stand. Not the kind of stand where I have to crow about it, or set boundaries (that never work), or that put others down. Nope! The stand I take is to live my life knowing that I'm worthy, that I don't have to be perfect, and that I have every right to be the male that biology has conferred upon me. Imagine if a football game were played only at mid-field with no scoring...almost like yesterday's game, apparently. Boring, right?

    Guys here have tried to just put their toe in the waters of sobriety, but they never achieve much. You either turn away from PMO (and MO, imo) or you become stuck, a person of no conviction. Really, a person of no gender. It is incredible how our society has rushed to embrace the genderless eunuch. For much of marriage I was a gelded stallion, full of resentment and spinning around in the middle. I think all of us have done genderless, in one form or another, and it isn't fun, productive, or life-giving.

    Not taking a stand with my drinking kept me stuck. Life jumped forward when I gave up PMO/MO/Sexting/ and the like, but I was still stuck, because I was filling the hole up with food and drink. I actually feel a bit worse mentally now that I've given up booze, but that's because my mind sees the void more clearly. @Caoimhín just wrote about this same thing in his journal.

    I've read that during these unfortunate mass-shootings, that happen so frequently now, the best protection is to make a run for it. Hiding, hoping the killer or a bullet won't find you, is one of the worse options. Essentially, though, that's what we are doing when we engage in addiction, we are hiding, hoping it will all pass, that someone, somehow, something somewhere, will rescue us. We rescue ourselves or we die. I would have thought this kind of thinking too stark before, but a stuck person would, wouldn't they?
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  15. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    This is right.

    What I've been trying to do about it is achieve small victories and use the strength and confidence they inspire to tackle tougher battles. I think the reverse is how I ended up in this place. Not so long ago, certainly no more than a decade ago, I felt confident, feisty. I fought many hard battles, and, though I lost many of them, I never shied away from them. Until I started to. And once hiding became an option, either hiding in PMO or booze or literally under the covers, it became an increasingly common choice for me. Weakness built upon weakness.

    I'll write more about my history over on my journal, why I think it came to this, but what I have to say here is this: Try to remember the victories as well (in both senses ) as the defeats. Not in a pollyannish sort of way, but as facts. You can win, because, after all, you have. You can face the difficulties of life, because, after all, you have. Even if, as it is for me, that was a long time ago.

    It's harder as we get older. The future ain't what it used to be. It's hard to feel optimistic when my capabilities all seem to be in decline. Or, at least it is for me.

    Anyway, using victories in small matters to buttress me as I turn to face large matters is my strategy. I think it's working, even though it doesn't always feel like it is. Maybe it can for others too.
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  16. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Ah now I understand Saville ! I didn't understand before. I like BOINK!:D Going to use BOINK WITH HEATHER ! "Hey Heather wanna BOINK !" She's Caribbean so this should be insane ! I will probably get that blank stare look!:D:D:D
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2019
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  17. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    haha @Bobo I did not know that term either!
  18. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Similar for me. Although my root cause of hiding is more complex due to a violent brother. But now, I know the inescapable truth: the path to freedom for me involves approaching the fear. As a beginner in this fear-approaching-stuff, I am trying to do it slowly and become accustomed to this new land. The scariest part of this is that, on some level, we accept that we can never go back to hiding if we want to escape.
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  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    KA-BOOM! You said it!

    Whoa, that sounds big. But, you're right, we have to face the fear. The few fears I've faced have made me realize that I had nothing to be afraid of...the boogie man isn't under our beds. :)

    Took today off to enjoy my cold at home. I could've gone in, but I've got a sick day and I'm going to fucking take it! :p

    I'm am loving being off the booze. I'm really starting to feel changes in my attitude. It is so much easier to diet when not drinking too. And, by diet I just mean laying off the sweets and chips. I'm making better choices. I remember wanking to P with a glass of scotch before. May as well have all the vices at once, right? o_O @Bobo has inspired me to really get my weight way down. I'm doing it for my health, because now I kind of care about it. I'm sure losing another 40lbs will be great for my knees...not to mention my liver/arteries/heart. Before I was flipping the bird to my inner self. I literally hated my guts! :eek: I was going to do it someday, but, as we know, that someday never comes. We do it today or forget about it.

    Still have not had sex with the wife. For some reason she didn't feel all romantic and gushy to be with me while I'm coughing up yellow phlegm and having snot run down my nose. I know, what a bitch, right?:mad: Bald-check! Fat-check! Lots of snot-fucking check! If that doesn't get her riled up then I guess I don't know how to get my woman hot as hell, which I fucking well do! :D
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  20. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    You will get you're weight down. You have accomplished so many other harder things for example: no pmo after years of doing what you thought was simple pleasure. When you found it was'nt you stopped--- talk about difficulty. You are working on becoming a more complete person. Weight--- no problem ! YOU CAN'T LIKE FOOD MORE THAN ME !:):):D "Get on you're knees baby don't mind the snot falling on you're back ! ":eek::D:D:D:eek::eek::D
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2019
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