Too Late to the Party?

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Saville, May 15, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I had a dream last night where my wife was chiding me to "not ruin her fun." She was with an old friend and we were all going to some kind of musical event. I got angry and told I wasn't going to go and I certainly wasn't going to be treated in a such a rude way by her. She tried half-heartedly to convince to go, but I felt I had to stand up to her. There was a lot more to the dream, but it was clear I was standing up to the matriarchal spirit. That may sound wacky and wrong, especially in today's times when we must all obey the feminist call, but since coming to this site it is an ever present thought of mine.

    We are born through a woman's loins and this connection to the mother can not be discounted. The matriarchal spirit is devastating to both men and women. We try to grow up, to become self-actualized, but the matriarch wants to continually pull us back, to keep us close to her vagina so that she is always in control. We watch P because this is obedience to the siren call of the great mother. Women enter into P and prostitution for the same reason. These are extreme positions, I know, but there are billions who hover not far them. We live in a rape culture, we are told, which makes both men and women feel afraid. Fear is at the root of the matriarch, because it is there how control is gained. This is why breaking free of P is so hard and then when we do it we find other distractions and addictions to take its place. So long as we are numbing ourselves with something or other then we are in the grips of the Great Mom.

    I'm feeling decent. Yesterday I went to the liquor with the wifey as she wanted to buy some wine. I always have loved the liquor store, because I love booze. In past years I've spent $400 a month on alcohol. Fuck, that's a lot of money! Partly that's because I have expensive taste, but still, that's nuts!

    Hope everyone has an awesome day! :)
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling quite different. My mind feels clearer now. Hmm, sounds like a song from JC Superstar. I've given up PMO and booze and have turned into Judas. :eek:

    Yeah, so there's more clarity of thought. There's a real surge in us when we give up something that we know is holding us back. I know from past experience that this surge is not self-sustaining, but it's a great place to start. With the sudden burst of energy of feeling righteous :cool: it's a great time to see how we might lift ourselves a little higher on a permanent basis. We only need one idea to start a revolution. If we stop wanking to P for a few weeks, bam, we feel good. A great place to start.

    When I gave up PMO I told myself that it wasn't forever and that definitely I would still MO. I didn't know I had the capacity to just give it up. Well, I did and I do. I've struggled with MO to fantasy, as I've mentioned, but for over a year I didn't MO and didn't miss it. I think what I learned this fall is that we are always looking for a replacement to PMO. It's like going on a diet, you look to see what you can stuff your face with that isn't unhealthy, but please God not celery and carrot sticks! o_O The fact is if we have good food then we don't need anything else. But, we are addicted to having our cake and eating it.

    So, I gave up booze for January, but now I'm wondering if I need it at all in my life. I think I can live it without. In @Doofus 's journal I spoke about psychic ties and alcohol is one of those things that hearkens back to a time when my life was a train wreck. How much longer do I think I'm going to live? I live as though I'm going to live forever, which is how most procrastinators think. Nope, I'm closer to death than I've ever been and so it's a good time to ditch whatever clouds my mind and defeats my body. Double chin, watch out, because you may be in danger! :D
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2019
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  3. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    a few thoughts on some of your posts above:

    Letting yourself make mistakes - I struggle with this too and tend to hold myself responsible for all mistakes (even if they are not mine). Yet it is a steep learning curve to just relax and and be gentle with yourself. Mistakes are not generally the end of the world. They can be great teachers. Even a relapse into PMO can teach you something.
     
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  4. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Interesting idea and I might add TRUE! I still struggle with fantasy. Sometimes. are worse than others. Fantasy is a sure sign of boredom but in my case it tries to be an old friend but it's not. Heather's hot little ass suits me fine and I try to stay in the moment. Heather says that she stays completely sexually satisfied. So do I believe that---- yes why not--☆if I dont I then I am saying I believe the crap the feminazis puke up AND I DO NOT ! Do U look for a replacement for pmo yup--- ItS called pussy "punani " or piv.:D:D
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2019
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, you've boiled it down. Mistakes are NEVER the end of the world...unless you have "the button" at your disposal. :eek:

    I remember as far back as elementary school never putting up my hand for fear of looking stupid. If I didn't understand something I would never ask for help, because the risk of being ridiculed was too great. If the teacher was accusing someone of something in class I would always turn red, even though I was not the perpetrator. My default was to feel guilty. I'll bet most men here have felt the same way. Right from our formative years we were developing coping strategies because of our feelings of inadequacy. This meant that we would meet women (and marry them) that were entirely wrong for us. We would marry the bully who would enable us to stay stuck. We in turn would enable them in an opposite manner.

    The best replacement of all! :)
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Went out to someone's house last night, it was an reception of sorts. I drank water and didn't partake of any munchies, which consisted of brownies, cookies, stale peanuts, etc. The company was kind of stale, as well. One thing I've noticed by not drinking (OMG, not another realization :rolleyes:) is that people I thought were good company/interesting actually aren't. When I'm not being the life of the party, aka the fool, I don't have much to say to others. Booze always broke down barriers for me so I could converse easily. What I didn't realize what that these convos were not worth having. Most people are just plain boring. Or, to put it another way, my own boorishness prevented me from seeing the vapidity of others. o_O:D

    I told everyone I was giving up booze for Jan. and with Feb. fast approaching I do feel some anxiety. I know it's ridiculous, but some part of me feel obliged to take a drink on Feb. 1st. Like PMO, booze has contributed nothing positive in my life. I think even my love of Scotch is partly fantasy. If you have to acquire a taste for something, perhaps that taste isn't worth having in the first place. I never had to acquire a taste for peaches, for instance.

    I've got the MO under control now, too. The wife and I are going to hump today, she promised, and no doubt a couple of hours afterward I'll feel the call of the wank. But, not going to go there, not listening to the addict, who has lead me to over eat, to over drink, to PMO, to cheat, to overthink, to watch too much TV.

    Sainthood, here I come. :cool:
     
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  7. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member


    What you've accomplished, I think, is a strengthening of your will. This is huge. You've successfully battled PMO, booze, your relationship with your wife. You're doing great, no matter if you have a scotch, or, even, a peach schnapps :), next Friday or not.

    I have to believe, and, you and others here are inspirational examples, that the stronger our will gets, the stronger it gets - so to speak.
     
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  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Jack London wrote that, right? Maybe it's the wolf in us that causes us to be such dogs :D
    Great post, Saville. I admire you for shining a light on all of the things you feel need work on. Last time I had a bit o' scotch, I had the same realization: why am I doing this? Odds are I'll wake up with a headache, and my morning may be ruined because I thought this great tasting stuff :eek: would somehow make me feel better.
    Soldier on, Saint Saville!
     
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  9. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Heather at house today with Jamie. Very nice----- I asked Miss H if she wanted to talk about pregnancy today ? She said" can I say no ?" Yes of course. Ok so she doesn't know that I know one of the guys that was at house made a play for her. Was a small party he was drunk. LIQUOR HAS CAUSED MORE PROBLEMS.He grabbed her by the boob she wriggled away and read him the act. She never told me -- Heather was upset but kept it to herself. Didn't want me to be upset- I think- well he's a friend of a friend so I really don't care about him. Heather gets this all the time so I don't want to upset her. Whispered in her ear "I want to lick you !" She just grinned and gasped ! Why am I talking about this ? How does this affect me -- that's what I learned here the hard way--- well it does---if she wants to so be it--- I cant stop it --- I only have so much control over it. One of the reasons we get along so well is that she knows she has total control over what she does NOT ME cause it's not about me" punani " is nice but if not so be it--- more "punani "out there. My growth here has been very educating---at times painful for sure but very educating.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
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  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    @Doofus @Mozenjo and @Bobo thanks for posting my bro's! :)

    So true. Climbing the stairs when we're out of shape can be painful, but it's the only way to get in better shape.

    Pounded the wife yesterday, as forecast. Well, maybe not pounded, but pumped her good. :) My erection was stronger than the last time and my sensitivity much higher. When I was MO'ing in the fall I was losing the sensitivity and the erections were much softer; sometimes I wasn't sure if I was even still hard. Yesterday it was a full on tumescent stiffy! :D I'm 60 and don't need the blue pill. I don't think I'm unique in this regard, at least not among dudes who do not use P and M to fulfill their sexual needs. I'm not knocking anyone who does use them, btw.

    I wrote on @Caoimhín's journal about journals where guys had logged their failures with women, meaning they couldn't keep their boner up. I believe this is because, for the most part, they are having sex before they've truly committed to beating their addiction. This type of behavior is deliberate self-sabotage. It reinforces the belief that they are no good. I did that, too. I pushed away the people who cared about me, because at the end of the day I was way too into my P, sexting, cheating and MO to truly change. Both times when I cheated I watched as my prick deflated and then felt my spirit do likewise. The first time I honestly thought I couldn't go on living, such was the angst. Both women acted poorly, because of course their read on it was that they were not hot enough for me. So, I was defeated because my body wouldn't do its natural function and wrapped up in that was immeasurable guilt that I had failed the woman. A perfect storm! The cheating was just an extension of my P use, my obsessiveness with thinking about sex. When I was cybering I could maintain an erection for hours, leaking pre-cum, and feeling like a boss. If I hadn't discovered YBR I might still be stuck in that cycle. I guess it was a case of the student being ready and then the teacher appeared.

    When I didn't take full, and I mean full, responsibility for my recovery and recognized that no one else on the planet was to blame, then I was doomed to repeat the same pattern, over and over again. My mom could have done better. My wife could have done way better...but they're not to blame. They are just two other people struggling to make sense of things. In fact, I'm not to blame, but I am responsible. No one else and nothing else is going to turn things around. We must realize that we were born with the capability to own our own lives.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
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  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Still off the booze. I often thought the booze made me feel the blahs the morning after, but now I know that is just how I feel. ha ha I actually feel the blahs more acutely and I think that's a good thing. I need to feel, I need to explore the chasm that feels empty. Pouring booze, P, and food in it doesn't help in the long run. It's always there, always present. Running away from who we are, it is so ingrained, isn't it?

    I've been doing cold showers again, which are awesome. I highly recommend them.
     
  12. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    I feel fortunate. Booze has never been troublesome for me. Now beer is another story. I used to drink 2 or more 6 packs a day. Then one day years ago I said"Why am I doing this?" Probably a bad marriage, loneliness, I nability to think clearly. I realized none of this really had anything to do with beer abuse so I stopped. Took me a while but I did it. Still enjoy a beer with ice here and there especially with a bj !:D
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    @Bobo beer with ice...what the fuck! :confused:

    In terms of goals, I think they can be somewhat elusive. They can be great motivators at the beginning, but once that goal is achieved...then what? I've lost 50 lbs before because I wanted to look good for my daughter's wedding, but afterward I put 60 back on. :oops: I too wanted to cure my PIED. Once I read that it was related to PMO I was rather motivated to stop choking the chicken to pixels. However, after two years of sobriety it all felt a little like same old, same old. Same pussy, same positions, etc. Fucking it seems is not all it's cracked up to be. Even though I've talked a lot about banging my old bag's bones :p it really is, at the end of the day, about loving someone. There's a balance in there of loving one another, while at the same time obeying the call of the beast. I digress. So, goals. What do we do when the event is over? Let's say our goal was to run a marathon. What do we do when we've achieved that? Some people run another one, or do a triathlon, or run a harder marathon through the woods, like that crazy one in Tennessee, The Barckley Marathon. That's one fucking crazy marathon! I think goals are important, but they don't seem to be sustaining, in and of themselves. I guess they're a starting point! :)

    For fun and interest sake I looked up what Wayne Dyer had to say about goals. Dyer, in case you don't know of him, was the psychologist who wrote "Your Erroneous Zones." If anyone had an excuse for staying stuck it was it him; his story is an interesting one. So, here's what he has to say: The secret to changing your life is in your intentions. Wishing, hoping, and goal setting can not accomplish change without intention. What is needed is the shift from the inert energy of wanting to the active energy of doing and intention.

    He also says this: I don't think goal setting is an important basis for a retail business - or for anyone. Most of the time goal setting puts too much energy and attention on being someplace else, instead of helping you appreciate where you are. If I ran a retail store, which I have done in my life, I would go into it from a place of "I am thrilled to be here, and I am honored to be able to serve other people." I would not be telling myself constantly that I have to double my sales in order for me to be happy. I would tell myself, "I am content to be here in this moment, and I love this work.


    So, for me, this is the crux of the matter: contentment with self. We only have to go to the gym to see "inspirational" quotes about how we should all strive and do better, but basically that's just running away from who we are. If we can't be content with who we are at this given second then having the bod of Adonis is not going to help; we'll just be an in-shape dick, instead of a fat one.


    I've written a lot about how healing is an action. I forgot about that this past fall. I got too caught up in my head; kept looking for the easy way out - booze and MO. As Dyer says "we must shift from the inert energy of wanting, to the active energy of doing!"

    A few posts ago I wrote about Guar Gopal and how he said once we've pushed the snooze button we've given up for the day. Delaying doing something in the hope that something will change is hitting the snooze button. Every day we do things that kill our intention and this is why it is so hard to follow through. When I first read that the secret to changing my life was intention, I wondered how I might harness that intention. In other words, I was looking for some intentions to follow through with some intention. o_O:rolleyes: My addict, my demon, wants me to think like that...it presses the snooze button, it keeps me stuck. During the day we have numerous times to observe ourselves following through or pressing snooze. If I see windows are dirty I can get up and clean them or I can say "I'll do that when the weather is better." We just hit snooze. If we say to ourselves that we are only going to eat one piece of toast, but instead we ate two: we just hit snooze. So, our intentions needn't be heroic. Following through with small intentions builds a firm foundation. In this way our intention to change becomes the compilation of many smaller intentions.
     
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  14. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    I COULD NOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE !Goals are just another form of distraction from the real work at hand. They are like you say NON SUSTAINABLE. Yes beer with ice--- try it you might likeit
     
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Interesting post, Saville:)

    I once had a professor in grad school who on first day of class (Group Process and Procedures), told everyone that we would all get an 'A', there would be no syllabus, and that "the content was in the process". I was very uncomfortable with all of this coming out of the gate, as it completely upset my linear logical goal oriented mindset. About half-way through the semester, a light-bulb came on. One of the most important lessons in my life:)
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2019
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  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of high schools teach this way of thinking. It should be a universities job to open our minds up to new ways of learning, which are actually old organic ways. However, from my university days I remember that most profs were just products of the PHD cookie cutter. They talked a good deal about critical thinking, but what they really meant was "think like I've been taught to do." So, in that way, universities and their profs become extensions of our parents and the machine, the all-knowing, all seeing, eye. Of course, now universities have been taken over by bean counters and the PC crowd. The liberal arts are being defunded in favor of what used to be the purview of vocational schools. Meanwhile, the PC'ers are twisting in the wind, worried more about "rape" culture than actually opening up minds, which might actually really change campus society. Our local university added six people to the office of the president, with titles ranging from vice-president to liaison officer to the office of the President...uhm, yikes! Meanwhile non-tenured lecturers are teaching most of the courses in buildings that are filthy because there aren't enough cleaners. :mad:Wow, didn't realize I was going on a rant. :cool:

    Bobo, I doubt I'll try beer with ice, because I'm now a non-drinker. :p Speaking of which, it's the last day of Jan. Woot! I had decided it would be a dry January, but now I'm a gunna keep on truckin'. I lost 10 lbs over January, which has been a side benefit. When I don't drink I don't feel the compulsion to fill my face as much. No one has commented on my weight yet :oops: but I think I'm just another 10 lbs away from that. lol Isn't it funny that when we noticeably begin to lose weight people will tell us how good we look, yet when we gain weight people say nothing? I know what they're thinking "geez, Saville's really packed it on. Looks like the bloated dead sea lion I saw once on the beach." :eek:
     
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  17. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member


    Well you are now a new person--- woo--hoo even though beer is yummy !:eek::D
     
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  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Bobo! :)

    I got invited to a super bowl party. Woot! Oh, wait, I don't like football that much. :eek: Yeah, I know that's practically sacrilege. I'm going to go, but as I will be tea-totalling and abstaining from snacks, I'm guessing I won't be one of the "fun" people.

    This morning I felt the need to cum. I felt full down in my nether regions. I did consider rubbing one out :oops: but when I examined my state of mind I could see that I was in no way horny. I didn't have a boner, even thinking about sex didn't get me aroused, so what's the deal! The deal is my addict was trying to fool me. In a high, obsequious, voice it was saying "c'mon, you're backed up, it's not healthy." I remember when I was regularly wanking one to two (or three) times every single day. I often had a sore prostate. Since giving that up, for the most part, my prostate no longer troubles me. Sitting in a chair for a couple of hours at a time, all the while stroking one's dick, trying to find the perfect clip of P, is bad news for the plumbing on so many levels.
     
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  19. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Interestingly, I had prostatitis (no cancer but some sort of bacterial infection). As soon as I stopped wanking it went away after some time. So it wasn't a bacterial infection ( doctors are clueless ). Interestingly, also constant piv dosent cause it. Heather and I are fucking 4 or 5 times a week ( piv and bj's )and I always cum. The last time I went to doc my prostate was healthy and fine. So for those that think M is ok maybe you should rethink this. M is not ok and realigns your system and not in a good way. The medical profession does not understand anything sexual except prescribing little blue pills. Why does it negatively realign ? Who knows, did our ancestors wank ? I doubt it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2019
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Boffing releases other chemicals, I think. It makes sense to the body to ejaculate inside a woman. The problem with PMO is that it also takes a long fucking time, as we jump from one clip to the next, always delaying the gratification.

    I would like to boff the old girl more than my once-a-week, but it seems that isn't going to happen. I still try, but she's got it settled in her mind that our schedule is a good one. At this point in my wife's life she would probably rather go shopping than get laid. I hold her a lot, though, and give her kisses. I'm fortunate that she can let herself go at all with me, as there is the shadow of two other women. It's almost entirely behind us, but something like cheating can never be fully eradicated. I still have moments of terrible guilt, but they are only moments. I quickly dispense with the maudlin enterprise, as it's utterly useless. I'm not that man anymore. Knowing that makes me smile. :)

    I'm excited at the thought of learning new skills even as I approach the status of a senior. :cool:
     

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