just started on forum. 10 days no mo. have struggled with this addiction since 11 years old. 65 years old now. started with playboy then hustler. x-rated video cassettes. adult theaters/booths. then now with internet-out of control. I am so ashamed of it all. married 42 years. PIED last ten. still working. professional with 2 graduate degrees including doctorate. my wife unaware of my addiction, I think, blames old age for my ED. makes me feel worse since I know the true cause yet haven't done anything about it. I have tried, repeatedly for years. recovered alcoholic, 17 yrs. without a drink. AA helped but I think I just made a decision not to ever drink again. been through 7-8 treatment centers/rehabs for drinking-relapsed every time. recently read a book-Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. made a lot of sense to me. I believe that's how I defeated my drinking problem, was just not aware that was the term for what I did. 12 step template has not worked for my porn addiction. RR has not worked either. I believe I just don't give my brain time for rewiring. 3 wks is max I have abstained from PMO. just yesterday I watched porn but no mo. I feel like i'm just going through the motions of life now. no joy. no purpose. just existing. I know pmo is the problem, if I can only give my brain time to heal. thank you for letting me ramble on.