Time's running out

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by tarconi_union, May 6, 2021.

  1. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    It has been 3 hours since I stopped myself from PMOing. And I am having urges again.
     
  2. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Relapsed. PMOed. Will have to start from beginning. :(
     
  3. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Came to porn once again.
     
  4. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    This is what I was afraid of yesterday about relapsing to porn. I came to porn third time within 12 hours.
    Not to mention I will experience all withdrawals anew.
     
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Looking back at your journal, you had a similar situation a few months ago, but you were able to get back on track and you had some solid clean days before this relapse. So, there's always hope und you've done it before. Did you ever try any blockers/filters? It can't keep you a 100% away from porn, but it'll make it more difficult.

    All the best!
     
    tarconi_union likes this.
  6. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Thanks! Will look into it.
     
  7. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Day 1

    I am stuck at 3 week barrier of no pmo. Can't figure out how do I break it.
     
  8. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Day 2

    I almost relapsed this morning while bathing. Urges were triggered by isolation. Realization made my heart race. I took out my old phone. Didn't want to others to see me online. Thought I would bathe with warm water today. I have been bathing with cold water for nearly two years. I searched porn. Before clicking on link I decided I would take few mugs of warm water on me. And I did. Viola. It diffused my urges completely. I was not sure if this would happen. People have sex in showers. And unlikely to be cold water. Then I realized warm water might have relaxed me enough to get rid of urge. Remembered something I read in addiction recovery book. Warm water bathing simulating prenatal state of being in womb floating in amniotic fluid. Which makes one feel safe.
     
  9. MindPoison

    MindPoison Active Member

    If you use an Android phone you could try installing multiple appblockers on your phone and install SpinBrowser as your main browser while blocking the phone's preinstalled browser, and then scattering each appblocker in a different place on your phone to make it somewhat of a chore to uninstall all of them since you have to uninstall each one individually in a different spot, sort of creating an extra obstacle to overcome before getting to the porn. Some blockers I recommend are AppBlock, BlockSite and Lock Me Out.
     
    tarconi_union likes this.
  10. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

  11. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    I PMOed once again after an hour of resetting tracker.

    I have been addicted to porn more than half of my life. It is depressing.
     
  12. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Relapsed after 7 days.

    Received notifications of bots on Youtube. Thumbnails were enough to make me slip. Might have surfed porn for 20 minutes. Making excuses I won't PMO. I didn't as of now. Relapse is relapse.
    I have sore throat and cold since last 10 days. Physical sickness stopped me from PMOing. Cold is gone. Throat's been itching since morning.
    I have to get some work done tonight with help of a person. Have to take care of some more next week. I don't want to be completely sucked out of energy while doing work.

    Worried I might PMO.
     
  13. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I hope you get better soon, I had a spell of poor health this week so I definitely understand the temptation of porn
    as a get-out-of-jail card, only as we both know, it is a trap door, not an exit. You did great in arresting the slip, stopping it from becoming a slide,
    keep progressing with your work, and leave no room for contemplation of porn :D
     
    tarconi_union likes this.
  14. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Thanks for reaching out man!
    Recently I asked myself after getting influenced by book I am reading what would I do if I relapsed? Asking this question to myself yesterday didn't help me with urges but it worked to slow me down enough that sore throat would give me troubles and made me say fuck this shit I am not going to PMO.
    There is internal different after being clean 2-3 weeks and just having been PMOed. I feel uneasy after PMO. I can get work done but there's difference. Being clean is better.
    Before this I would say to myself I would do this after 90 days of being clean. Go there. Meet friends with less anxiety. Seeing other side of this it helped me slow down yesterday. If I had given in and PMOed I would have done so at least three times within 24 hours because I didn't do it to right scene initially. Then would have relapsed again within a week. Then would have relapsed again in start of next month saying this last time. There is no last time going on track I am.
     
  15. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Powerful realisation, that you do not have to let a slip be a slide, pmoing once will not undo all the gains as you noticed, but binging, yes.
    Keep going, and keep valuing your health, it really is important, if you are to see yourself as important and a priority. Have a great week!
     
    tarconi_union likes this.
  16. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Relapsed on day 6. I didn't keep in mind yesterday's wet dream. I was horny since waking up. Didn't PMO. Might have watched porn for an hour. Edged.
     
  17. João Silva

    João Silva New Member

    Yes, wet dreams make me hornier the next day (or days); one has to be careful. But don't give up, man; each fall is a fall forward. Also, what helps me a lot is (1) not to peek as a fundamental rule, no matter how soft the content is, and (2) change my internal dialogue and ways of thinking about porn, e.g., "I don't need porn to be happy; that is an illusion"; "I'm not "sacrificing" anything; I'm escaping from porn", etc, etc...
    It can be incredibly difficult, but it may become easier someday, and I know you're on the right path! Keep going!
     
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  18. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    I noted wet dream in journal but didn't make sure of being mindful of it. It was 50-50. As I said did watch and edged to porn for an hour. I was going to PMO but didn't as aftereffects of it are bad.
     
  19. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Day 8

    Due to persistent physical health problem since last 2-3 months my resolve to quit for has become stronger. Top of that other people around me don't seem reliable. Don't have proper communication skill that they would pay attention to what I say. It is since last 3 weeks I feel physical health problem is outweighing mental ones.
    It is evident that addiction is sole health issue I can correct. Don't know much about physical issue. Mental illness is always going to be there.
     
  20. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Relapsed after day 28.
     

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