My kind request: If you want to help, or contribute, but have little time, just read the last post of mine and maybe reply to it. If you have a bit more time you can also read first post. If you like this journal or can relate on many levels, feel free to read most of the posts. Hi. My nickname is wojtekoxx. I decided to set up a journal, because it's been a year since I've first heard about disadvantages of masturbating, and after some success in Summer I've hit a rock bottom because of life situation. I was so desentisized emotionally that I dumped the only (and the best possible) girlfriend that made it with me for so long (2.5 years, over 200-300 meetings). To make things worse when I was during very successful no PMO streak she wanted to meet with me, and that started the hell. Call it love from first sight, with someone who you never properly loved. To cut the story short I've fell into biggest depression of my life (living alone, no friends - I've lost them because my GF was "enough" people for me), last year of the uni, also I've done something stupid so I have to go to the court in a few months and hear about my future. All these problems would make someone else suicide probably (I have always had a depression) but it only made me masturbate again. Now while I understand that my life will never be even 50% as good as it was year or two ago, but I've decided to at least make a try. Go through the withdrawals, cry a river. There is this trap in my life that good is the enemy of the perfect. Sometimes eating 50% healthy as opposed to Standard Western Diet, or masturbating once per day won't cut it. One should go for the 100% and survive the worst to see the true benefits. My main relapse thing are girls. All these years I was masturbating to photos. Photos of dressed women at women magazines when I was younger. Then photos of girls from social media when I got high speed internet (at 19 y.o.). Porn was used mainly for 3rd or 4th orgasm of the day. Nowadays I deleted all the porn, but social media is the trigger to me. I have to use facebook, otherwise I would die of loneliness by now. But when I see the photos of girls who were literally throwing themselves at me, but I was desentisized (couldn't love) or couldn't get myself to have sex, I want to cry. I want revenge for destroying my life. I want peace of mind so I masturbate to photos of my would-to-be ex. 5 dates or 10 dates didn't cut it. I always found excuse to not have time for further dates, thats how I lost girls... Now whem my "eyes" are much better due to masturbating way less, I know what I lost and it's very depressing. I am 25 y.o. but I've made the journal in this section, because basically I've failed one year on the Uni, then another one I was working, so I "grow" just like 23 year olds of today. I decided to give a full try to not-masturbating, also trying to get into paleo diet (today big shopping) again. There are some days when you just can't start any new habit or destroy an old one. But sometimes there are days when one just feels momentum and can produce enough motivation to "start" in a pleasurable way, full of optimism. Today is the day. My flat-mate woke me up too early, and I was sitting at the IM , half asleep, half awoke, horny as hell. This feeling made me want to feel benefits of abstaining again. Starting with today I try to regain my sanity and my life. Thanks for reading.