time to kick

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by newleaf63, Oct 31, 2016.

  1. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    You know this is Flatline, don't you? That it's a more or less unavoidable (I say more or less because there may be rare cases of folks who don't experience it) unavoidable part of recovery? It can be hard because it seems to affect our motivation and mood as well, when the libido is dropped off like that. If you decide to get clean you probably just need to psychologically prepare yourself for Flatline, accept that it will likely come, off and on, for a period and resolve to sit through the discomfort. It will eventually pass but the only way is 'through', unfortunately. Addicts are addicted to hyper-stimulation so that when we abstain, it's inevitable that there will be a period where we lack joy or inspiration - our brain chemistry is all fucked up and it takes time to heal, to get to the point where we can take pleasure from 'normal' stimulus. Recovery is hard bloody work and not for the faint-hearted. If one is not fully commited to the process, esp to pushing through the discomfort, learning healthy ways to manage it, there's not much hope, imo.

    This is the choice you will have to make, or, you can decide to just stay on the roundabout. It's up to you, mate.

    That is a shit load of grief to have to deal with, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry to hear the counselling didn't help much, either. I wonder if you might need to process some of this stuff further? Maybe see a psychologist or try some other forms of therapy or counselling? Seeking help is not about you being 'crazy' or having anything inherently 'wrong' with you. Anyone would have a hard time dealing with this amount of trouble in their lives. With the background you mentioned, growing up around folks who didn't have much capacity or language around emotion... well... listen, that happened to me and I've had to admit that I know nothing about it. I have/had no capacity to process emotion, to express it clearly, to understand it. I've been seeking professional help for years, different therapists helping me to a point, then moving on. I feel no shame around that, I don't have a choice. It's a life long journey of learning to understand myself.

    If you've read around the journals perhaps you've noticed that abstinence is only a small part of getting clean and that most of us find we need to address the underlying issues. This forum is ostensibly about addiction but it ends up being about life because it's our experiences and how we've dealt with them (or not) that drives the addiction.

    It's great that you come here, even though you're using. If you're still not ready to try again I would say keep coming here and journaling, reading widely. You may decide that you'd rather not go to all the trouble, as I said, recovery is no picnic. It's all up to you, Bro. I recommend some deep soul searching and self-analysis. I get the feeling you might actually be depressed... maybe look into that? There's no shame and it doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with you, like I said. Miscarriages, suicide, cancer all of that shit adds up!

    I send you posi-vibes, mate.
    newleaf63 and Libertad like this.
  2. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    thank you for your response and for your precious time x

    yes i understand there is a name for it (flatline) just it seems to go on forever when i have give up porn before. my journey is partly about working out why my rewards i allow myself are so bad for my health. its a quandary i have t come to terms with, just the no sex interest is a down

    depressed, i know there is no shame in it. it happens to each of us. differently, more and less severely but it gets us all.
    i don't feel depressed, in fact i feel the first signs of seeing some positivity .my artistic and diy standards have reached a better level.

    today my exhibition started and I've sold 7 paintings thus far. I'm rather chuffed.

    thanks for your advice, ill read again . billy i appreciate it.
    Billy B. likes this.
  3. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Great news!
  4. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    yesterday was the first day i didnt look at porn when i had the chance for a very long time.

    i have quit dope.

    next cigs and porn.

    i feel like a fraud for even writing that.

    thats the trouble with us all. we hate ourselves.
  5. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    yep, so you know what to do, learn to love yourself...
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Getting off the pot will help with the pmo, I imagine.

    Don't be so hard on yrself, life is enough of a pain in the arse as it is, mate.

    Keep trying, you'll get there.
  7. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Just cause I'm thinkin' of ya, mate. I've slipped and slid (after a 300+ day clean streak) and finally scrambled my way back to 10 days clean. Going over the early postings in my journal seeking tips and inspiration I came across this from you:

    "good to read your journal. there is much positivity to be gained through the removal of porn from our lives. no matter how much shit hits us we are better able to deal with it. im finding out since coming back here after a year and a half's absence that im not depriving myself of anything. reading around these journals there is so much to gain by continuing on this wonderful road. all the best"

    Welcome back, mate. Don't give up.
  8. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    well, its been a long time.

    ive managed to kick the cigs. but porn still hangs around me.
    i guess its just to easy to switch on the computer and away i go, finish and hate myself even more.

    for anyone who wants to get rid of the cigs i can heartily and lungingly recommend vaping. it really does work.

    for now, im in 2 minds. one of them says (to me) its impossible to give up porn the other would love to kick this shit.

    hope everyone is keeping well.
  9. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    It's not impossible to give up porn. Porn is a seducer. If you gave up cigs u can do this.
  10. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    The porn habit is hard to break. I needed strong motivation which I got from a deep introspective and honest look at myself and a reflection of my life. I concluded that porn was the primary cause for a lack of success and happiness in my life. My failed marriage was the icing on the cake. You may not have (or believe) you have this issue. You have to throw yourself seriously at beating PMO addiction
    Saville likes this.
  11. Jasonreborn

    Jasonreborn New Member

    I remember when my first girlfriend discovered my porn. Was not a good day but I accept responsibility for it. We all have a choice to make.
  12. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

    That is true. Choices do have consequences
  13. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    hello again.

    indeed its been a long, long time.

    i am still off the cigs, havent smoked one for over 3 years.

    i also have quit weed for well over 1 year, apart from 1 joint.

    now, well. you know what comes next.

    i hope you are all keeping well. what a hell of a year.
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

    Way to go new leaf. I remember my last smoke in 1987.
    To my thinking what makes the " what comes next" more difficult than cigarettes is that smoking is not a natural built-in desire. Whereas sexual desire is part of our makeup. We just need to harness those drives into the right direction
    Congrats on great steps I forward sir
    Saville likes this.
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Good job keeping off the cigs and weed. Anything that's compulsive and used to soothe our problems is probably not going to be beneficial. I've been off sugar for a number of months now and, wow, what a difference. I gave up drinking too and have surprised how little I miss it. Marx said "religion is the opiate of the people," but what that leaves out is there are many opiates: sugar, booze, cigs, weed, drugs, PMO, shopping, etc. We can't really know what we want out of life, or what we are capable of, until we no longer use a hundred crutches to help us through our days.
    Billy B. likes this.
  16. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

    Well said
  17. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Heeey, welcome back, Bro (if I can say that, given I've been so scarce myself!)

    Good job with the cigs and the weed! Congratulations. Me, too, more or less, for about 9 months. No pot ('cept for one slip up) and no grog (apart from the occasional 'glass of wine at dinner', and really, truly, that's not about getting tiddly). As for cigs I'm still on 3/4 of a patch and still have one about once a week with my neighbour (keeping the beast alive :(). But!: as my doctor says "Every cigarette you don't smoke is doing you good". I'll have some of that.
    Saville likes this.

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