time to kick

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by newleaf63, Oct 31, 2016.

  1. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    It's good to see the positvity in your most recent post.

    Your post before this one made me think your wife is good to you and if she wants more sex find a way to satisfy her.

    And by all means stay away from porn, it's deceptive negativity.
  2. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    thanks nofap.

    day 14, all good, coming out of my shell a little. walking towards a brighter sun.
    devnull likes this.
  3. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Great news! Stay on the path of recovery and life will be much more rewarding and positive. You deserve it and the world needs you free.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Love your energy!!
  5. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    thank you saville and nofap

    day 17. im pleased to report no longings to return to my darkness. even weed no longer seems to offer me a crutch. been of it for a month or more and it too (as well as porn) can now be seen as escapism. escapism, which in the past i would say helped me get over my sadness but escapism all the same.

    i walked past a bookmakers the other day. and wondered why getting addicted to gambling has never appealed to me. why do we pick the addictions we do? maybe all of humanity is addicted to one (or more!) thing or another.

    we cannot change our addictions without a fundamental change in our actions and thoughts. early in 2017 i will be entering my third year (on and off) on these forums. sometimes i feel i havent traveled very far down this road. i have of course, just that, now and then, i have taken the wrong turn.

    i have seen enough to realise just what we can be. if we really want it.
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    That's a fact, Newleaf. It reminds me of the blurb from I'mout that you posted on your Inspiration journal-thread-thingo. It's true that abstinence in and of itself (at least, the energy and time that being clean frees up), can seem to relieve folks from a lot of symptoms.... we feel better about ourselves and our anxiety and/or depression or whatever can diminish. But it's far, far, far from the whole story: abstinence is not recovery.

    Once again, I'm glad to see that you're feeling a lil' positive. Yet, as I'mout wrote about it's important to be honest with ourselves and each other in regards to our 'negative' feelings (discomfort, sadness... even despondency). I truly believe that is the only way to a proper healing.

    Peace to you (and to all).
  7. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    day 18.

    thank you for your post billy and the reminder about imout's post. when he was around he was a great help and influence in my progress. at the time its enough for me to remain porn free, yesterday i was so happy to be where i am, such a different feeling from only 17 days ago, but yes, i understand fully what you are saying.

    at the moment, there is enough fuel in my system to enable to to stay free but to fully open up will take a little time. the damage has been done over many, many years but it doesn't mean the damage cannot be repaired. time spent away from porn means there is much more time to commit to things around the home.

    things between my wife and i are much the same, my desire is non-existent and it hurts me more than my wife would ever know. as ive said before we are riding a rollercoaster but at least we are riding again.
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, man. The first part is always the roughest. I think you know from experience that riding it out will bring us in to a better space, in time. All in good time. Posivibes to ya.
  9. NUbegennings

    NUbegennings Member

    This is why I have not been married yet. i must have high physical chemistry to get married. My ex 8 years ago was beautiful but a nut. She beat me up regularly and I knew i could not be with her. Since then I have not met anyone I like that likes me back. The ones that like me, I do not like.
    One of my friends got divorced and disclosed he and his wife did not have sex for over 3 years while he was out on business trips having sex with whores. I do not wish to have that life- ever. I have watched no porn and also quit cigs on Sunday. It has been tough specially today. But I will take some nyquil and crash early. Tomorrow is a new day. I am here because I have not been able to get off with very cute women and many times lose my erection. Most the times I have sex without getting off and they are like are you sure you don't want to cum? And I say sure, cuz I know it would be hard even if they are down licking my balls. Sorry, i know that is tmi. I have not been able to get a raging hard on despite all the running I do. The doctor said it is not technical and after doing some research found out it is all the porn I watch (4-5 times a day). My brain can't make me cum because no woman matches up to the naked ladies I see on my laptop (which include my beautiful horny ex gf). I will now not watch any porn again until I wake up with a raging hard-on. Unlike some of you guys, I am not married so don't see why I can't watch some porn when my ED problem has been resolved. If you look at people in India they are going around raping women and those guys could use some porn. Single men like myself who don't like to hire prostitutes need to watch a little porn and release maybe once every three months. At this time I am at the flat line stage, and although still super horny, my penis looks dead. So my plan is to only smoke weed, exercise and no more porn until I wake up with a raging hard on. Please direct me to any sites that can help me. I am very new to this.
    You guys are super nice and I sincerely wish you all the best. I am so sorry you lost your parents. I could not imagine losing both parents. Losing an ex to suicide would be horrifying as well. But do know you are stronger because of it.
  10. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Love her, huge her, respect her and cherish her as your lovely wife. Sex is only sex. Love conquers all. She's pretty and cool and so are you. She supports you, support her. The intimacy will return if you love her.

    And by all means stay away from porn.
    Billy B. likes this.
  11. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    day 19

    thanks billy, nofap, NU.

    all ok, got a long time problem in our home fixed yesterday and my wifes happy. lets hope the shower continues to pump out fast and free flowing water.

    NU, a couple of things struck me with your post. speaking as someone who chose porn and weed over the last decade or so to relieve the pain i was feeling i dont think any answers can be found in them. i always thought weed helped me while i was smoking it. now a month or so clean im not sure. i used to think it made me a happier, more caring man. maybe i was deluding myself. i was speaking to an old friend on the phone yesterday. he was trying to convince me of the benefits of weed. we have discussed it many times and have always felt similar about it. he has recently started vaping weed more. i have to say i felt sick whilst he was talking about it. i really felt like i didnt want to smoke that shit anymore. maybe its about coming to terms with losing people close to me. who the hell knows.

    also NU, the best i can offer you at the moment regarding any sites that can help you, all i can say is investigate this forum, read journals, read the other age groups sections, i remember from a long time ago the effect of reading about how damaged 20 year old porn addicts are. there are many valuable pointers but you have to be prepared to look. itll fill up the time you have spare now too :) as all here, i wish you well.
    Billy B. likes this.
  12. NUbegennings

    NUbegennings Member

    Thanks man. I think it is great that you don't have a need to smoke weed. Anything external is not good for the body. I hope to be free of everything. True happiness only comes when we are our own masters and 100% free. Weed helps me with running for some reason. It motivates me to run. I am also single with no kids so doing anything like watching tv is more fun when smoking weed. It has been a huge problem finding a good woman though. Ever since i put 420 on my tinder account, the ladies have given me no love. I hardly get any matches. But I want to be be upfront and not waste their time. I will address the weed issue as soon as I am free of porn and cigarettes. Glad to report I am going strong on day three. Glad your shower is working properly. Be happy you have a loving wife. Life is lonely sometimes and it is nice to have a lady to snuggle with. Best wishes to everyone.
  13. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Hey Newleaf, for me it was drink and porn, a dual addiction, well add being a workaholic.
    This article sort of had an impact on me see what you think http://gettinbetter.com/addiction.html
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good job, Newleaf.

    Keep on keepin' on, Brother.
  15. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    day 20

    porn allows us to wallow in our inadequacies. im glad to be on a path out of it.
    Billy B. likes this.
  16. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Awesome, my kind hearted friend, glad to see you making some serious progress.
  17. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Active Member

    day 21.

    thank you nofap. still flat as a pancake but resolved to continue this journey.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    In time that pancake will have some amazing toppings on it. :) Day 21 is the boss, dude!
  19. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    21 days is what it takes to change habits. Now the real changes can start to happen.

    Great work. ;)
  20. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good job, Newleaf. One day at a time.

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