Thanks both for your support, really appreciate it. And I will look up 'ego fatigue' It does feel crushing to have to reset your counter after an 88 day clean streak. Slipping up in such a way reminds me of the negative consequences that re-emerged. I lost my self respect. I no longer had peace of mind. It was replaced by a nervous energy, a mix of excitement and anxiety. I felt shitty about myself so I was impatient and critical of my partner. It led to us both sitting in separate rooms. I lost money. I was no longer living up to my full potential - everything else paled into insignificance. But never mind. As you say, it's in the past, all I can do is live in the present and create a better future.