Time to heal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by forlorn, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Your wife is cool with that?
  2. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    @Saville yep, it's a close friend of both of ours who has recently had a baby. Now she wants to build her fitness up, hence the bike rides.

    When I'm in these non-porn phases my mood is more stable. I don't experience the intense highs and lows that come with acting out behaviours. This is a much better place to be.
    I'm waiting on the outcome of some career related news following an interview. Am hopeful that things will go well, but if I get rejected I will be pretty devastated. Note to future self, if things don't work out, it's not the end of the world. Keep going with the self-regulation, no matter what happens I will handle it.
  3. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    good for you my brother. healthy social connections is the key. this addiction wants first to isolate me, then it will kill me.
    path-forward likes this.
  4. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Coming back to post here after a 5-day long p binge. It’s a long while since I’ve done that. I think it started on the back of a night out where I insulted two dear friends whilst drunk. As soon as I said it, I knew it was inappropriate and offensive to them. Even though they seemed to take it well, I haven’t got over the guilt of it. Been beating myself up about it ever since. Also made a blunder at work today. Basically I did something in good faith but failed to follow a certain a process - it could land me in a lot of bother. Mental health feels like it has taken a nosedive. This is a low but I need to get it together. I can’t figure out if I am catastrophizing.

    As a side note, something I’ve observed is that whenever I’m in a state of looking at P, on those days I never listen to music.
  5. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Still in a fragile state following the recent binge. Fragile in the sense that my 'emotional immune system' feels weak and that I could respond to triggers very easily ("hey, you've already binged on P for a week, what harm will another day do?"). I'm now starting to feel that dopamine crash. And I feel on edge about the mistake I made at work and how it could come back to bite me.

    But what I know from past experience is that the longer I stay away from P, the weaker the cravings become - I need to get back to that place. That place where I feel good about my choices, where I can hold my head up high, where I'm not consumed by shame, where I feel fulfilled by ordinary experiences such as listening to music.
    Mozenjo, StarWarsFan and path-forward like this.
  6. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    This is very well said. And we have all been there after a binge level relapse.

    It’s so important to understand how much better you will ultimately feel by staying clean.

    And that focusing on staying clean one day at a time is the key to fighting the addiction.

    Forlorn - you know how much better you will feel with each additional day clean. Hopefully today is the beginning of a new long clean streak.
    Mozenjo and Boxer17 like this.
  7. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Well-Known Member

    Hi forlorn. What an interesting observation. I can identify with that. I guess we get totally focused on that and let the rest of things fade into oblivion.
    But I have also noticed that after a faceplant then I will eat bad food and listen to the hardest music that I can stand, stuff I normally wouldn't listen to. It's almost like we say to ourselves "Oh well I'm here in the mud I might as well splash around for a while".
    Then we slowly pick ourselves up, clean ourselves off so to speak, and get back to the battle.
    Mozenjo and path-forward like this.

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