Time To Get Serious Before It's To Late

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by dig deep, Aug 6, 2017.

  1. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Went to visit my mum today in the care home today.Anyway while I was at the train station a woman in her late fifties average looks started chatting to me,to cut along long story short we went for a drink and there was a bit of kissing and touching over clothes and then we parted as she lives far away.Now later on in the day thinking about it I feeling sick about it and wish I never did it but on the over hand I'm glad I did because for the frill of being with a woman instead of not going for anything and I did get hard when she was touching the inside of my leg but one thing I wouldn't do it again as it's left me with a bad feeling in my stomach just like after a bad relapse and sleazy sexual hook ups is not some thing I want.
     
  2. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    It' ok, no harm done. A bit of what is real. You don' have to berate self it happens. Sleasy well......but as I said real not pmo. Seems like a a winner to me.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm with Bobo. I think it's actually good a thing. You've been really doing great and a man has to get his needs met. Nothing wrong with a bit of tongue twizzling while we're setting ourselves right. We absolutely do have to reboot to the real thing. I'm going to congratulate you on this one! :) If you were a teenager you'd be doing cartwheels, my friend.
     
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  4. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Assuming that you're single, right? It's nice to have someone show sexual interest in you. And for many guys the whole point of no-PMO is to enhance the possibilities of a real life relationship. So meeting someone who is sexually interested in you and to find your body responding to that is from that perspective a good thing.

    However you also have to think about whether this scenario with this particular woman is actually what you wanted or if you just kind of drifted into it and went further than you were comfortable going. It might feel bad because it is a higher degree of intimacy than you would usually have with someone you just met, and you might feel like you would rather have that kind of intimacy with someone you knew better and cared more about. Sometimes we have pangs of conscience that are unjustified. Other times, those feelings are telling us that we have done something that is inconsistent with our ideals and goals. You have to know who you are, what you want, and do things because they are actually something you want, not something she wants or other guys want. So this is the long way around to tell you that your feelings are valid, even if they are uncomfortable, and you should listen to them and see what you learn from them. Even if what you ultimately learn is that you're not going to worry about it.

    No disrespect intended to @Saville and @Bobo, both of whom give outstanding advice. I just want to add a little extra twist to it and affirm you, whether or not you decide this scenario is something you're happy about and want to seek out again.
     
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  5. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Thanks brothers for your replies. Squire your right it was something I drifted in to because it was easy to as she was the one making the moves doing all the talking and being very touchy with me and I just thought fuck it why not, looking back I should have ended our encounter earlier than I did as she was upset as I didn't want to go any further or get in to a long distant relationship,thank god I didn't give her my number even though she tried several times. I take this experience as part of life's learning curve, and one thing I learned about myself is I want to know a woman a bit before anything physical as how I felt after has taught me or maybe I'm to sensitive.
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I like your take on it, DD. It is nice to know someone first. But, we don't have to take ourselves too seriously. Life is supposed to be fun. The woman thought you were attractive and she went for it, which shows you are appealing. :)
     
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  7. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Agree with Saville, you are appealing so why not ? Yes certainly would be nice to get to know a person initally. :)
     
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  8. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    As the others, have said, no harm was done. Far better than paying for a webcam session and then feeling miserable and ashamed. At least this was a REAL encounter. The important thing is, you've learned something from it.
     
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  9. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Cheers Rapha, your right much better than porn/webcams and this is the ups and downs and in between's of real life.
    For the past two weeks I have MO about six times but this is losing it's appeal and I have not MOed for fours day though there has been some touching so things are going in the right direction. Last night on the TV there were a couple of programmes on porn and escorts but I said to myself I don't want to watch this and that was that where as two years ago maybe even less I would of watch it or found it on catch up TV.
    Today my neighbour knock on the door asking if I had seen his cat and straight away I said come in and will look in the garden to see if the cat was there,and it was sheltering from the sun behind a bush.I mention this because my house in clean,tidy and in order all because I have not wasted time watching porn and spent that time cleaning and tidying where as if I had still been having daily sessions I would have made excuses and not let him in to my garden to find his cat:)
     
  10. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    MO for me led always to PMO over time.


    You can be really proud about yourself and what you have accomplished with your sourounding. It gives a really good feeling of selfrespect if we have our shit together. Keep goind, dig deep. I still procrastinate a lot, but I will take your example as motivation. Thanks.
     
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  11. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Just reporting in, for the last week or so I been feeling tired and this because I'm flat lining and getting brain fog off and on and also here in England were going through a heat wave so I'm not sleeping to well waking up at least twice a night. I have had a couple of vivid dreams and getting NW so that's a good sign.I not concern about this as I know it will pass from reading other men's journals, it is just part of the process, a bit like the brain fog it last a hour then goes might get it for a little while later on so it's not like I have it all day and for me the best thing for it is to do something active and get on with things and it fades away.
     
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  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is true of so many things, isn't it? Fatigue will pass, so will urges, as well as despondency. You're doing great!
     
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  13. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    The same here, but there are Things we can enjoy. The other day I bought half a kilo of vegan ice cream without soy and eat it all while sitting outside in the sun. It felt great. Like Saville said, you are doing great.
     
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  14. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Not been working this week:) so Monday met up with a friend I have not seen for a long time and had a good day out with him,also been on a two long walks through nice countryside and have been to two football matches.Not experience any brain fog in the last week so that's an a improvement but still not sleeping to well I'm waking up at least twice a night so that leaves a bit tired for parts of the day but I think it's the hot weather more than porn withdrawal symptoms but you can never really tell.
    Last Saturday night I had my first big urge to act out in this currant reboot all I can say is thank god I have my porn blockers,and within ten minutes the urges had past.So all in all things are ticking along nicely at the moment,I keeping my house clean and tidy and developing a routine so I hope I maintain this as I like my house a lot more.
     
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  15. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Yeah, my porn blockers have saved me a number of times- also having google safe mode on filters out a lot of triggers (cleavage still stops me in my tracks like a deer in the headlights). No porn blockers are going to stop you if you're really determined to access porn (which is what a lot of guys who complain about them seem to think they should do), but they do make the difference when you're struggling not to watch. Your good wolf is winning dd-

    I feel like this is a metaphor for the whole reboot. Your house is in order, you can let people in again, you can help them (and yourself by doing it).
     
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  16. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    There further we get away from porn then our walls get smaller and smaller and it's becomes easier to let people and hobbies and real life into our world.
    It's like the ship of porn has taken us away from the real world little by little until without us knowing it has us marooned on a porn island and because all we become to know is this sad,lonely,messy and anxious island we stay even though were unhappy here we don't want to leave because it feels safe but then one day we find out what porn addiction is doing to us we have to make a boat to take us of the porn island,some of us will need lots of tries in building,repairing or improving the boat but eventually we will succeed and slowly we will make our way back to the real world .
     
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  17. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Ones we have honestly to ourself decided that we dont want this shit in our lifes, the failed attempts to get free (build the boat to Escape) does not effect us that much any more. I hope so.:D
    Good analogy with the Island and the boat. For me the hard Thing at the moment is not so much the work on the boat than to reenter the real world and to have a sence of knowing what the real world is I want to enter to. There are so many Options out there, different livestyles to choose from. Sometimes I doubt if I´m not meant to be alone on an Island, of Course without PMO. Sorry for talking so much about myself.:oops: But your analogy made me think how wonderful it would be to live in nature and of the grid.:)
     
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  18. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Try not to think so much. Thinking will mess you up. Failure is not failure it's learning. Each time you think you failed you didn't, you learned how to do it better the next time. The thing is YO U MUST DO is to have a next time.;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2018
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  19. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    "There is nothing either good or bad,but thinking makes it so." William Shakespeare
     
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  20. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    It's a sprawling archipelago and we're all just within sight of each other, throwing bottles in the water, lighting signal fires and shouting "Try this!". Saville is a crazy pirate king who built a galleon out of old coconuts, bellowing "USE THE COCONUTS LADS!!!" from the bridge, and we're all making our little coconut boats and paddling like fucking crazy. One day we will arrive at the promised city of real sex, a giant armada of recovered porn addicts, and the world with tremble at our cumming...
     
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