Time to change

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Deleted User, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hi All

    I admit I have a serious porn addiction. This sat / sunday I almost stayed up all night watching a wide range of porn clips.

    This is pathetic for a man of 52 years of age with a loving wife and three grown up children.

    I felt so low after completion that I almost broke down and cried.

    I am hoping that by registering on this site and posting this and future messages I can give myself more accountability and somewhere I can visit if I feel I am struggling to stay on my journey to a better place.

    Thanks to anyone who reads this and good luck to all in their own battles.
     
  2. wilky43

    wilky43 Member

    Hi Magpie, welcome to the forum.
    You've made a step in the right direction by joining.
    Ive definitely been in your position bud, I only hope you can find a way to help your addiction.
    Stay strong, you're not alone by a long shot.
    I've had a bit of an urge myself today, but I'm fighting the urge.
    I won't let it beat me, I know by staying strong now will make my destination easier.
    Good luck in your journey.
     
  3. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Welcome to the board, magpie1892 :)

    You'll find some wonderful support on this forum. All of our stories are different, and yet we can easily relate to each others stories.

    Keep coming back!
     
  4. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks for your messages Wilky43 & NCB, much appreciated and good luck to you both
     
  5. jazzman

    jazzman New Member

    I'm 55 and have a similar story to yours magpie1892. I'm a family man with a loving wife and three daughters. I only recently discovered I had an addiction to porn which has helped me to understand what's been going on for me over the past number of years. I've tried to stop watching porn so many times but would always give in when the temptation arose, which was usually when everyone else turned in for the night or if I found myself at home on my own. I mightn't indulge for a week or two then could binge for two nights on the trot. Like yourself I'd feel absolutely dreadful with guilt and shame.
    In early January 2016 I came across a Ted Talk explaining the whole idea of rebooting and how PMO rewires the brain etc etc. This was a complete revelation for me, I finally could make sense of my behaviour over the years and could see a way out. I stumbled upon this forum within days of the Ted Talk and for the first time have started to share my secret, something I never thought possible. I believe shining a bright light on our addiction through sharing our stories amongst ourselves is great way of overcoming the insidious world of PMO.
     
    mindingmymind likes this.
  6. I'm 40 to 41 and I've passed the last ... more than 25 years using P and my own fantasies/fetishes in order to M almost every day (many days, more than once).

    I don't think it's pathetic at all and you shouldn't too (it doesn't mind the age you are). I think we have some internal unresolved conflicts that we have to work on. I have disregarded them and decided to keep on my "old habit" because it was "the easy way" and I wasn't prepared to face myself until now.

    Now I'm prepared, I have taken more conscience of myself in these two last years than in the rest of my life together.

    Now I know what I want. Now I know what I need. Now I know what it's good for me ... and I can assure you ... it's not PMO.

    Being ashamed doesn't help, acknowledging you are not perfect (like all people in this world) and trying to solve your internal conflicts does.

    Welcome to this amazing journey!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hi Stephen1960 & inprogress2015

    Thank you both for your messages which I find very helpful and definitely appreciate that I am not alone in this struggle.

    As with you guys, I am also determined to leave the PMO days behind me and better more rewarding days are ahead.

    Keep up the good work.
     
  8. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Hi,

    My mother is a psychotherapist... she said she was amazed at how many men were addicted to internet porn.
    She told me off the cuff she had a church minister come in, someone the whole community looks up to and he sobbed as he confessed he wasted hours every day on internet porn.

    Does that take away his wisdom and good work, no not at all, it is an affliction.

    I sometimes get feelings I wasted my life by getting addicted, but a bit of self-disipline and we can all get through this. Does not mean life won't stop be tough and superficial, but we can live up to our potential. Good luck.
     
  9. yoda428

    yoda428 New Member

    Yes, this is the place to be...you are most welcome here and understood. YOU ARE NOT ALONE MY FRIEND.

    I'm 52 and struggle just as you. And you'll see by the thousands of posts here that we are a large bunch all struggling together but there is strength in numbers.

    It's tough to be in the grips of something that seems to have a mind of it's own. It won't always be this way. Just watch and notice what your thoughts are doing (without any judgement whatsoever) and it will get better.

    You are among friends here. Welcome.

    Yoda
     
    mindingmymind likes this.
  10. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hey Beowulf & yoda428

    Thanks for the warm welcome, your comments have been noted and are appreciated.

    Stay strong and keep up the good work.
     
  11. onesea

    onesea Active Member

    magpie,

    I second what everyone has said on here. You are not alone and this affliction is more common than we want to acknowledge. By joining you are now among people who you can talk to about this. Find your path for getting through this and I'm sure someone on here has a similar journey. It isn't easy but it is worth it. Take care

    onesea
     
  12. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    hi onesea

    Thank you for your comments which are appreciated. Good luck in your journey to better things.
     
  13. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Just a quick update on where I am at this moment, thankfully I have got through the first week without any major temptations so happy with myself so far.
    I do think that the comments from you guys and visiting this site is a definite help and the fact that other good people are struggling with similar issues makes me feel far less alone and ashamed.

    Thanks magpie1892
     
  14. Less ashamed and more conscious ... that's the right path to keep it on.
     
    mindingmymind likes this.
  15. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Just went 50 days and slipped again. Feel gutted and totally regret it, so hard to kick this crap
     
  16. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I hear you bro. This is like fighting in judo. One uses his opponent's momentum against him.
    The sex drive is normal but PMO uses a twist that propels us off target.
    If I can keep myself goal oriented it helps so much. Aimlessness is my great enemy
     
  17. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks for that Boxer, am fighting the "might as well have a binge" mentality and trying to see the positives of a one in fifty days which is progress.
    Good luck to you bro
     
  18. mindingmymind

    mindingmymind New Member

    One in fifty is HUGE!

    It's so easy to see it as a failure. It's all or nothing. Once you've relapsed you're back to square one. These are the messages we tell ourselves. Then we feel defeated and the best way to feel better when we're defeated is...

    That's the cycle we have to get out of. As I write this, I see your forum counter at 2 days. But that doesn't really tell the whole story, does it. There is so much more work and thought and struggle behind that. If I'm running a marathon and fall down at mile 20 and stop, that doesn't mean I didn't run 20 miles. It means it got really tough AT THAT POINT and I couldn't make it further. But I can get up again and keep going. And I can practice and train to go longer and farther.

    I have a habit tracking app on my phone (Habit Bull) that I use to keep track of a bunch of different things I want to do (or not do) more regularly. And I've been using it for a while to track my porn usage. What's good about it is that while it keeps track of continuous streaks (like the counters here on the forum), it also lets me see how many days I haven't used porn since I started tracking. While I write this. my current porn-free streak is 33 days (Yay, me!). But I can look back to when I started tracking and see that I've been porn free 42 out of 46 days. I could see where I relapsed or binged (a day here, two days there). Each 'good' day is a circle of a certain color (currently I'm using purple). It's great to see a whole lot of purple, even if there are a few gaps.

    habit.jpg

    This helps me see my success in a different light and not focus on how many days in a row I go without. It's about the bigger picture.

    Build up small successes and take credit for them. Then move on to bigger ones. One day at a time.

    All the best to you.
     
  19. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    One in fifty days is obviously not your goal but a slip is not a failure if one is determined.
    50 days is definitely something worth building on. The men on this forum are with you.
    So happy and hopeful for your continued success
     
  20. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    @magpie, I am investing some time in other's stories tonight. I almost wrote a "welcome!" message but I see you've been here a while.

    I've been battling for a long time. I've hit long streaks and had binges to return to short streaks and slips and then back to long streaks.

    For me it is about figuring out the "other stuff" .... the reason I choose to dive into the porn to hide from the good things in my life. Figuring that out has been hard.

    I'm coming out of a phase of short streaks and slips. I'm about to tick to day 3 on my counter. I'd take your 1 in 50!

    It is and always has been about the trend line. Seems from reading your profile you had a slip but you are better than when you started here. Things may ebb and flow, but as long as you keep focused on the prize of an addiction free life you are on the right journey!

    RD
     
    Boxer17 likes this.

Share This Page