Time to change my life!

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by yagjag, Feb 25, 2012.

  1. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Background Info
    I am 19 years old, and I have been fapping almost everyday since I was 14 or so. A lot of days I would do it more than once. Eventually I began looking at porn, but I didn't do this everyday. I started to get frustrated with my life, as I have some social anxiety and not too much confidence. I think the whole masturbating thing is affecting me more than I once thought. I generally feel like I am in a fog and have lack of emotion. I want to laugh out loud and feel again!

    I am starting this journal 4 days into my no fap challenge. I plan for the 90 day reboot.

    Day 1: I think i felt really psyched up and good about doing this challenge. Walking a little bit prideful.

    Day 2: Same as yesterday. I am not really having any urges to fap yet. I know it is only day 2, but it has been easier than I thought.

    Day 3: I used to get terribly sweaty hands during class, but this seems to have stopped/ decreased dramatically since cutting out masturbation and porn. I seemed to be more "in charge" and assertive in conversations. For example, walking up to cashier, instead of them saying how are you, I was the first person to say it. I have also noticed that I seemed to be dreaming way more, and remembering my dreams. I developed a cold tonight, so I am feeling kind of crappy, which is nice, because it is definentely not putting me in the mood to fap.

    Day 4: Short report today, because I woke up really late feeling sick. I stayed in bed on and off all day today. No chance of fapping tonight! I will successfully make it to day 5.

    I look forward to continuing this challenge, and I believe it will do wonders. My next posts will hopefully be more detailed, as I will be posting them on the actual day.
  2. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    Keep up the good work man! Some things that have helped me are:
    1.) You have to replace your bad habits with new, positive habits. Working out seems to be a popular choice, and it works well for me. Also set some goals (or maybe you have some already) and then work towards them.
    2.) Reflect on what your triggers are and then set a plan for what you'll do when you experience them. Some of my triggers are having the house to myself, being stressed, and being bored. Going to the gym is a great way to eliminate stress, and generally being busy and active works for the other two.
    3.) Be easy on yourself during these next few months, and in particular these next few weeks! You're going to experience a rollercoaster of feelings, both positive and negative. Some days you'll feel like the man and then other days you'll flat out despise yourself. Just understand that this is all part of the process and that it means your recovery is underway!
    If you want any other tips just ask. One life one path brotha!
  3. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Thanks! I have been waking up in the morning and going running. Previously, a lot of days I would wake up and fap. Also, I have been drumming. I'm looking forward to what lies ahead.
  4. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 5 so far: There is still really no urge to masturbate. I think this still has a lot to do with being sick. I am getting over my cold and getting out of the house. I am not sure if this has to do with being sick, or if this is a result of the pendulum effect with stopping porn and masturbation, but I have been kinda irritated today when my family is talking to me.

    Also, my family is going out tonight, but my brother made a comment saying if I come along that I'm just going to be quiet and not talk. This kind of talk encourages me to keep up the no masturbation and porn thing even more. It is time to get out of that social fog.
  5. chris

    chris Member

    Hey, I'm pretty much on the same boat as you! I hope this helps my social situation out a bit more and I get a bit more outgoing... Being boring and uninteresting isn't something girls (or anyone for that matter) notice.

    I'm on day 7, just 2 days ahead of ya. Let's keep this up together, shall we?
  6. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Yeah definentely man! Let's do this.

    Update to day 5: Feeling a bit better. I watched some television tonight, and I laughed out loud! Also, I forgot to mention that I dreamed last night again. It is interesting, but I find whenever I stop masturbating, I do dream a lot more and vividly.

    I should be making it day 6 successfully!

    If anyone has questions, feel free to ask.
  7. Rockhardington

    Rockhardington Persistence not Perfection

    A social fog is a good description. We become a lot more sociable when we are away from our addiction. Any chance to be with other people- go for it. Your addict loves isolation (it developed there). Other people help calibrate your emotions. You can't regulate your own emotions, so use the time with your friends and family as time to heal and grow as a person.

    Keep up the good work. The best prize is getting yourself back as the best possible YOU.
  8. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 6: I felt great today. I actually felt very confident appearance wise today for some reason. I felt very rested today, and I had energy. There was still no urge to masturbate, which has been surprising. I am expecting things to change during the week when I am back at school around attractive girls. There should be way more to report this week as I will be involved in social situations at school etc. Things are really looking up, and I am enjoying this. Every time I have a hint of thought about masturbation, I just think about how the benefits of not doing it completely out weigh the benefits of doing it... in my opinion. I am about to go to bed, so I will be making it to day 7! 7 days is the farthest I have made it without masturbation, besides being on week long family trips where it would have been difficult to fap anyway. What an accomplishment it will be to make it a week.
  9. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 7:

    I started the day with an early morning run for 15 to 20 minutes. After my jog I showered and got ready to head to campus. I left the house feeling pretty confident appearance wise. With this being day 7, I expected to feel really juiced and energized and more socially outgoing. Surprisingly, this was not the case for some reason. I actually felt pretty socially awkward today, and I do not know why.

    There were many instances when I fumbled my words etc. I was confused by all of this, because I expected to feel great today, but it was just a meh day. There were so many cute girls on campus, but I just was not feeling in the zone. Even on day 7 I am still not getting any urge to fap, which is crazy in my opinion. In relation to this, I am not being very "aggressive" when it comes to the opposite sex. All in all, I felt really shy today.

    I have never had a girlfriend or dated anyone, but that is part of this goal. I would like to get to that point. I will keep going with the no fap, because I have to believe there is at least some good to come out this.

    EDIT: Also, I might be feeling slightly depressed today. Perhaps because of what happened today, or as a side effect of no fap... I'm not sure. I generally thought this kind of stuff happened weeks or months into the no fapping. Anyways, that is all for now. I would love to hear your input and feedback in regards to this.
  10. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Depression, loneliness, mood swings, social awkwardness and many other symptoms are extremely common during the reboot process.

    I'm actually expecting hell during the next few weeks.
  11. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Yeah I guess I read people's results and they claim life is so awesome now and that girls are checking them out etc. I guess I should not except so much good so soon.
  12. onelifeonepath

    onelifeonepath New Member

    There's usually a really good mood chart at http://yourbrainonporn.com/synopsis-of-entire-reboot-with-mood-chart but for some reason the site hasn't been loading the past two days. Hopefully the tech stuff will be fixed tomorrow... In any case, the chart shows that this guy's mood was all over the place during his reboot, which certainly seems to be the case with many of us. We just have to keep in mind that this is all part of the process and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
  13. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 8: I woke up and ran for 30 minutes today, and it felt great to go an extra 15 minutes. I put on some nice clothes and felt pretty confident today inside and out. I felt pretty good today. Much better than yesterday. I felt a sense of calmness in social situations. For example, if I was talking to someone and didn't know what to say, I accepted the silence, and I was freaking out in my mind. I have had a little bit of an urge to fap, but it still seems pretty controllable. I'm not sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but it did seem like girls were noticing me today. Either looking in my direction, or making eye contact with me. It will be fun to see how this plays out down the road. I felt really rested today as well, even going to bed late. This might be a combination of the running and the no fapping. I would still love to get to a point where I am approaching girls at school randomly. It is something I need to work on. Anyways, that is all for now.
  14. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    DAY 9: Wow! I can't believe I have almost made it double digits!! This has been great so far. Let's see, today I:
    - Woke up and ran for 30 minutes. I felt AWESOME after this!

    -Still noticing how much MORE I dream when not fapping. I am not so sure what the correlation is on that, but i dig it.

    - I feel like I just looked better and healthier in the face when I saw myself in the mirror. Probably a combination of not fapping and running. I feel like masturbating causes my face to look washed out.

    -I just felt GOOD when walking around campus today. I could have sworn I saw girls looking at me, some trying to be sly about it. Maybe I am imagining it.. I don't know! But I like it.

    - I keep running into this girl everywhere on campus. I made eye contact with her yesterday. I really want to talk to her. I don't even know her name!

    - I am going to bed around 1 am and waking up quite early, and I am not even feeling tired during the day. It rocks.

    - I think I am starting to get a little hornier. I kept checking out girls today, really wanting to approach them.

    - My head really does kind of feel "clearer". It is like I am more in tuned as to what is going on.

    - Still not having that much palm sweating anymore!! THANK GOODNESS.

    - I really noticed the past two days how LESS anxious I am in social situations. Even if the conversation isn't going that well, I am just like eh whatever. I'm not getting all nervous about. Silence in a conversation is not killing me.

    Okay. That is it for now. See you on double digit day 10!
  15. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 10: DOUBLE DIGITS! I have finally made it to day 10. Today was the best I have ever felt. I think it was a combination of how beautiful it was outside today, no fap, and running.

    - Ran for 30 minutes today and felt awesome.
    - I felt super confident.
    - I did great today socially, and it was effortless. Made people laugh and smile. I sounded energetic when I spoke. I was really taking it all in!
    - Feeling an urge to fap. It is getting more difficult. 3 months: This is going to be tough.
    - I am now on spring break, so I will have a lot of down time and boredom. It is about to get real difficult.
    I can't really think of anything else right now. I'll report back in tomorrow! I am doing a couple of interesting things in the next few days, so I will be reporting about that.
  16. Gucci

    Gucci Guest

    Man, I smiled the whole way through reading this journal :)

    It sounds like you're in a phase in which you have a lot of energy and motivation to do stuff, I also noticed your worries about relapsing during break. The theory I apply on those phases is you basically have a lot of energy that needs to be spent on something - it's just going to. Now that can be activities, social interactions or it could be fantasies and/or masturbation. So working by that theory just stay as madly active as you can while in this phase - work out until you're too tired to rub one out if need be.

    Be prepared for when the pendulum shifts and enjoy this time while you can (and make damn sure you remember it for later)!
  17. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Thanks Guccci!

    Day 11: It has been a crazy night. We have had to take cover for tornadoes. I am okay... for now. I am feeling quite a bit of urge to fap, but I will not do it. There is not much to report today. I was really bored today, but I resorted to playing music and driving around town instead of fapping. I went around to some stores today, and I was checking out every girl haha. It sort of gives me drive you could say. It is kind of weird, but I am enjoying the horniness feeling. It makes me feel alive. That is all for now!

    Oh yeah, does anyone know the relationship between not fapping and dreams? I do not know why, but I am dreaming so much more and more vividly ever sense I have stopped masturbating.
  18. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 12: Today has been tough. REAL tough. It is the first day of spring break, and I was bored to tears. I had such an urge to not necessarily fap, but to get out of the house and talk to a girl. I did not know where to go, so I stayed in and tried to be productive with music.

    I did feel pretty good today. I noticed that I was WAY more sociable with my family at dinner than usual, which felt great! I am really starting to get the urges to fap, but as long as I remind myself how crappy it feels right after, and how short the pleasure is, then I should be able to hold out.

    I really can't believe I have made it this far. It is quite an accomplishment. That is all for now.
  19. yagjag

    yagjag New Member

    Day 13: Not much going on, because of spring break. I have been creative though playing drums. I went to an audition for a television show, which was pretty cool.

    Day 14: Two weeks!? I can't believe it! Still not much to report, and I am just resisting any temptation.

    Day 15: This day just started, but i already have something to report. I woke up with morning wood, and I guess I feel asleep again, and the next thing I know, I was having a wet dream. I wasn't even having sex in the dream. It was weird. When I woke up, I even checked to see if it actually happened, because I was not sure. Sure enough, there was a little wet spot. It did not seem like I came that much. I feel kind of gross about it, but it is not in my control.
  20. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    I read once that the majority of wet dreams are not sexual in nature. I remember the first one I had when a boy, I was like walking around an art museum in which the halls were waist-deep with water! Congrats dude, keep it going.

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