Time and soul killer

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by imout, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Happy Birthday imout. Good to see you here still and nice to catch up.

    I love this. I never thought about it before but that is me to a tee. When younger would bounce around chatting up women as a way to get around social nervousness and always feeling outside.

    Good to hear you doing well.
     
  2. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hey imout

    Just checking in. Hope you are doing good and enjoying life. Not bad here. Getting better all in all.
     
  3. Freethinker

    Freethinker Guest

    Hello old friend! Glad to see you're still hanging tough in another cycle of no-pmo after your past successes. I'm starting over after a couple of years of being off the forums. I still don't know if being here is the answer for me but I admit that the advice and sometimes "tough love" is valuable. I'm just a stubborn, selfish a-hole sometimes. You used to check on me when few others would. I still remember and appreciate it. Best wishes always!
     
  4. imout

    imout Active Member

    havent been here for a while. Well I havent been PMO free. It comes in spurts, lingers for a few days then dissipates. Since my last post I have procrastinated a lot , just treading water. I have been on a three week roadtrip to reset my attitude. Hope I will be more focussed from here on. My relationship is great. A lot of comeradery , Sexlife is humble, but we seem to enjoy it. Still ED, or rather ED-confidence issues.

    Hope you are all fighting the good fight. Best wishes for a good week
     
  5. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Humble is not necessarily a bad thing. Glad to hear you're still fighting the fight Imout.
     
  6. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Do you feel like PMO is tied in with procrastinating? I feel that is one of my patterns, so I try to keep busy.
     
  7. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    I'd like to hear your response Imout. I'm a world class procrastinator, who needs only to look to the woman next to me in bed each night, to see someone who's talents in procrastination, make mine look pretty bush league.
     
  8. imout

    imout Active Member

    In my case procrastination and PMO and all the other addictive threads I follow are all linked. I know that its all about me going into my "safe zone" . In effect that means shutting the world out and being internal. fantasizing, inner monologues, or mindnumbing activities like gameing, porn, endlessly reading newspapers. I avoid life. Im sure about that.

    But I cant work out what Im actually avoiding or running away from. My house is almost finished, why cant I just get it done and move to the next thing. Its not that the work scares me. Ive managed to drag this project out by almost an extra year. WHY?????

    At the moment I feel seriously diminished as a person because of this syrupy mindnumbing lack of progress and action in my life. Ive seen it in others, how prolonged depression or whatever other mental issue can hollow a person out until they loose parts of their emotional and social acuity. personality erodes. one slowly evaporates from this planet.

    I am better that that! I dont know why i let myself be dragged under like that.

    In the last few days I have fought hard to stay active and do stuff. Done big bike rides, organised gettogethers, and today was my first day on the house project since my trip. Boy did i struggle to keep going. almost like a physical weight pulling me down. But I kept going. I need to snap out of this attitude slump. And I bloody will!
     
  9. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Imout, maybe read up on ego depletion and decision fatigue..
    It comes out of being in an abusive relationship, and you were certainly in a high drama relationship.
    I understand building a house has thousands of decisions... just have a read up on those terms as I found it very helpful.
     
  10. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Another thing that is pretty clear to me, at least with regards to my own weapons-grade procrastination, is that for someone who is as task oriented as I am, I enjoy the journey far more than arriving at my destination. Hard work with a poor payoff feels so much like rejection, that I could put off finishing just about anything.

    The only cure for me, has been to make every task a race to the finish. I count papers that need to be marked, metres left to be swum, even pages left in a book, and turn it into some crazy competition with myself.

    A bit fucked up, yes, but it does seem to work for me.
     
  11. jjveetec

    jjveetec Well-Known Member

    If you truly enjoy the journey then why you keep dropping off? Are you sure you really enjoy it or just deceiving yourself?


    In my experience that's recipe for disaster. Be careful to not lose yourself in this race and competition with yourself
     
  12. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Good stuff imout.

    I know what you mean. No question that porn and endlessly reading newspapers is a retreat from world and one I share completely. Been doing this for years.

    In my case it is a fear of the hurt of the world based on the experiences of being hurt as a child.

    Its vague but I seem to remember you feeling abandoned as a child in some form? Is that the hurt that you still carry or something like it.

    Procrastination for me is about avoiding life and the cause is fear. I fear relationships, I fear failure, I fear success (more than failure because I learnt as a child that as soon as things go well, something bad will happen so much better to avoid success or happiness of any kind), and procrastination is essentially the fear part of me working to avoid engaging.

    You tell me, but is house completion part of that same idea? The fear of succeeding at something and worrying the happiness of that will be taken away from you as in childhood?

    Sorry if I am projecting my own shit on you but just a thought!

    Anyway good to see you here.
     
  13. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hi imout

    Decided to get a fresh view over at reboot nation. If you happen to come by am at fog free brain.
     
  14. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Time to get back in here guy.
     
  15. newleaf63

    newleaf63 Member

    hello imout

    we started this journey at similar times and helped each other, though you continued far longer than i and i hoped you'd be around when i decided to rejoin the forum. i hope things are good with you. i realise that a lot of the time we arent here we unfortunately have slipped back into our old destructive ways. i sincerely hope this is not the case with you.

    your insights and experiences helped many people. this forum needs you as much as you need this forum. i look forward to your return. i somehow know someday you'll return. i look forward to that day

    your old pal colimpool
     

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