Thoughts on rewiring and no arousal

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by Bilbo Baggins, Dec 19, 2020.

  1. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    The generation of guys who rebooted before us, back in 2012-2014, thought that rewiring was necessary in order to heal from PIED. They thought you had to go through a certain period of time of abstinence (often it was 90 days), and then you had to start rewiring. At first, you would just kiss and cuddle. Then you would go for gentle sex. When you had sex, you had to avoid orgasming. Many of them only experienced a return of libido after doing this. You can check EFDE’s posts, he was active a few years ago. He got back his morning wood after starting having sex again.

    In our generation, guys generally seem to think that rewiring is not necessary. We created a new way to reboot: the no arousal approach. If you go a long period of time without anything sexual, you will ultimately recover.

    What is true, here? I don’t know. So I try to analyze this as best as I can, and I get to this: you do total abstinence for at least 3 months, to allow your brain to reboot, then you gradually go back to sex to rewire to real women. I can’t think of anything better right now. I have read many accounts from 2012-2015, and those guys were aware that orgasms slowed down the process and brought them back into flatline. That’s why with time, the no arousal approach was created. That’s what I believe, anyway.

    Another point: on this forum, when a guy has been through a 6 0r 12-month hard mode reboot, people tell them they no longer have PIED and that they have ‘underlying conditions’. Wtf? Rates of ED were below 1% with guys our age before internet porn. Performance anxiety is probably a real issue, but how many times have you read a story from a guy who went back to sex after a period of abstinence and who was nervous as fuck to not be able to be hard enough for sex, but who actually was hard enough, despite performance anxiety. They were writing in their posts that when going to bed with a woman they were thinking ‘My dick is not gonna be hard, I will fail’ but they did not fail, and they eventually got used to having an erection when required.

    The theory about recovering from PIED is still a mess. It’s a good basis, though, but it’s up to us to figure out how we are gonna do this. But the thing is, when you asked your girlfriend to stop having sex for three months without seeing any major improvements during these three months, it’s unclear what you have to do at this point. Remaining abstinent for a longer period? Or go back gradually to sex, knowing that rewiring can also take a lot time and that your fist attempts might not be too successful?

    Those are the best thoughts I can deliver after 8 months of rebooting and searching on this forum to read about other guys experiences.

    I am starting this thread firstly for me, because my 3 months are almost over. I have had a few wet dreams, and isolated moments of feeling great (but I am the kinda guy who can easily imagine things that are not real), but apart from that, I am the proud owner of a dead dick. But I am also writing this to hear other guys opinions on the subject, in order to actualize the data we have in this.

    Damn, if I was single, I would do a whole year of no arousal before trying anything. I have been here for 8 months, and I have seen newcomers getting their dicks back and leaving the forum because PIED was a thing of the past. I know I shouldn’t see it like this, but I am starting to feel embarrassed about my reboot and the absence of results so far.

    To conclude, my opinion on this is that no arousal must be real and is probably the way to go. But for guys in a relationship, you can’t start doing this for an indefinite period of time. Your girlfriend will accept 3 months, maybe 6. You can’t blame her for that, she’s already giving you a lot of time here. After three months of abstinence, I still have no libido, no morning wood and only occasional wet dreams. Delicate situations. I can ask for a month or two more, but that’s about as much as she’s ready to give.

    Anyway, I went all over the place with my post. But it could be interesting to hear other guys opinions on this. Advice for my situation could be great, too. I am lucky, because the guys who participate in my journal are really cool and generous, guys whom I respect a lot, but other guys could share their thoughts on this subject. After all, this thread is about ways to recovery, therefore it could be of interest to many guys here.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2020
    Pete McVries likes this.
  2. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Another way to put it would be to say that the no arousal approach focuses mainly on desensitization, while rewiring also focuses on sensitization.

    With no arousal, the idea is that a long period of abstinence is required to give a break to the brain. Since the desire for sex is something innate, it will come back naturally as the brain goes back to a normal state.

    With rewiring, there’s the idea of sexual conditioning. Desire for sex, even if it is innate, has to be learned, or re-learned, because this natural process has been prevented by abuse of porn. Also, it’s about undoing the mechanisms that get in the way of sex: negative expectations and self-talk, lack of relaxation and receptivity, things like that.

    Just thought I would add these ideas to this thread, because after all, that’s what this forum is all about: regaining the ability to have sex.
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  3. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg New Member

    Don’t feel embarrassed about ur progress bro I’m literally in the same boat and hundreds of other guys are in the same position from what I see in the comment sections on YouTube. I’m almost at 1.5 years of no porn and have only had like 3 morning woods this whole time. My situation before nofap was real bad because porn wouldn’t even get me aroused anymore and HOCD really kicked in which made me suicidal. I would suggest maybe u try meditation because that helped ease my mind/anxiety and honestly it gives me harder erections which is the main goal.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  4. Jose

    Jose New Member

    Hi guys,
    Im on the same situation. Im in the beginning of a relation and I really like this girl. Months ago I used to do a streak of 50 days free of PMO and then in sex I get a very good erection in the first intercouse I do. After that I came back to porn(yes, stupid) But now im 37 days free of PM but I have O with my gf. The problem is that I dont see progress with my erection(is no so good). So I think the problem might be the fact of O. This problem of ED is overcoming me and have a lot of fears about recover my good erection in the future. I know that maybe I would need minimum a 90 days free of PMO, but this is not possible in my situation. I Can't ask this to my gf, although I told her about my adiction and problems. I hope we can solve this adiction and recover totally.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  5. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg New Member

    After u did 50 days no PMO did u feel like u were cured of pied?
     
  6. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I found an interesting article on YBOP about rewiring, and I thought I should share it in this thread.

    I am not in a position to give advice to anyone on this subject, I am just sharing it because it makes sense to me. I have read many posts from rebooted guys that mentioned similar things. Rewiring and healing from PIED, when you look at it from that perspective, are not only about your brain and dick, but also about your expectations. When you’re trying to heal from PIED, especially if it’s taking a long time before you see improvements, it’s easy to get discouraged. Real life always seems pale compared to porn, or to ideas you have in your mind about what it is to be ‘normal’.

    Articles like this one bring an interesting perspective on the subject. I still don’t know to what extent this guy is right, but I know seeing things like he does is really making the process easier. Instead of falling into an all-or-nothing point of view on libido, that easily leads to hopelessness if you feel you are far from where you’d like to be, you take it easy, go one step at the time, in a slow, humble way. When I have bad days, I often fall back into this all-or-nothing way of seeing things, I am well acquainted with it. But in my good days, I tend to get closer to this moderate perspective. It’s probably a better choice for those of us who are in for a long reboot, or who are active sexually.

    In short, getting rid of unreasonable expectations is probably a necessary, though difficult, step to make in order to keep going forward on this journey.

    _________________________

    This is aimed at readers who suffer from PIED and are a significant way through their reboot and are rewiring, but I hope it might also be useful to others.

    It is about rewiring, which is reconditioning the sexual response to real life partners as opposed to porn. I had PIED for 10 years in every sexual encounter. I have been rebooting for 3 years (No P, No M, O only with partner). After 6 months or so hard mode I met my current partner. During the reboot I have gone from mr floppy to solid snake. Half of the battle was stopping the cycle of PMO, the other half was rewiring and reconciling the differences between PMO and sex. These are a few things I’ve learned along the way.

    It is not normal to want sex all of the time
    Times when my anxieties about PIED would spike would often be triggered by thoughts that I did not fancy having sex at this particular time. For example, I would find myself thinking at random times, often during times of stress, that I would not be able to have sex if it presented itself to me at this current moment. This is a ridiculous thought process but stems from the years of using porn, where due to the endless novelty and escalation, one would be still be able to PMO whatever the circumstances (i.e. if feeling depressed, stressed or anxious). This was compounded by porn, where random promiscuity was normalised. Real life sex is a lot more complex and has many more factors to consider, but the crux is that it is simply not normal to want to have sex all the time. It is completely acceptable to go through phases where you are more horny than others, and in a normal sexual relationships there are times when you don’t want to have sex. Realising and accepting this fact has helped calm me down, which in turn lends to better sexual experiences.

    You do not need to be 100% hard, 100% of the time during sex.

    One bad thought map stemming from years of PMO is that sex must involve a 100% erection. This is probably due to watching porn where this is portrayed, but also during PMO where due to novelty, death grip and escalation one would often be 100% hard for 100% of the time. This is an unrealistic expectation to carry into the bedroom. Yes having PIED results in unacceptable levels of erection but it is normal for erections to ebb and flow during sex. One mistake I would make during the early days of rewiring would be using fantasy, when required, to keep me 100% hard during the whole encounter. This is counter productive as it takes your mind away from the experience and reduces the quality of sex. Again this is another exercise of acceptance that will reduce anxieties and stress over sex which will lead to better encounters.

    Desire to PMO does not correlate to your natural libido

    PMO desire and libido are completely separate. There are lots of articles on YBOP about this so I will not say much more, but a common mistake I made in the early days was worrying that I did not want sex as often as I would want to PMO in my previous life. This is in part because PMO provides unnatural levels of stimulation which no real life partner could match. These anxieties diminished with reboot time and I can now easily recognise my libido as something completely different from desire to watch porn.

    I keep seeing improvements even now

    I have been rebooting for 3 years and I keep seeing improvements. This highlights to me that the process is a long one and runs deep. I was able to have sex again after about 6 months or so of rebooting, but the quality and enjoyment of sex keeps increasing with time. The process is not linear and has different complexities dependent upon the rebooter, so my hang ups and anxieties will be different to others, but it is absolute to me that PMO severely harms sexual function, and stopping and rewiring heals.
     
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  7. Jose

    Jose New Member

    Hey Bilbo,
    I saw in other of your post that you went to a massage and got a good erection. That's a very good sign I think and maybe you are focusing your progress just with the relation with your gf. I mean is possible that she doesn't arouse you at all. For many reasons, who knows. What I try to say is that maybe you are healed from PIED but the problem is that your only test is a test that for any reason you dont feel arouse. Is just an idea. But I guess you though about that. Anyway, congrats for your Discipline and be strong! Is not easy.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  8. thx_for_the_memes

    thx_for_the_memes New Member

    I don't know for sure, but no arousal seems to do the trick for me. Remember there are guys that are so sensitive that they cream their pants just from being touched by a woman. We don't want to be that sensitive.

    So some desensitization is desirable. When we were teens, we were way too horny and it sometimes ruined our lives. Thankfully, this isn't the case anymore. Our problem is that we desensitized too much. Can't even get it up when a naked woman stands before you, what the hell?

    "Not being wired" to women was never my problem, even though I had very little sex in my life and never had many attractive girls around as friends or whatever. A naked woman (physically present) can make me much harder much quicker than I could do it myself. In my case, rewiring seems not to be important.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  9. Youngdawg

    Youngdawg New Member

    Is that repost from Guy6356464 whatever the hell? I think his is one of the best success stories of all time
     
  10. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I don’t know. There was no link to a post on YBOP, and no name, so I don’t know who wrote it.
     

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