Hi guys, I don't post about my own efforts/struggles/history often in the past couple years. I tend to either be the one trying to help others deconstruct their own struggles or engaging in discussions in the abstract about the addiction. Some stuff has been on my mind, and I realized that it would be hypocritical of me to expect others to give details and be open if I don't say anything about myself. First off, no, I didn't relapse, nor do I think I am in imminent danger of doing so. What I struggle with is my primary fetish from my porn days. Sometimes days or weeks will go by without me thinking about it, other times it feels like it is right in front of my face all day. I don't feel tempted to go back to porn or masturbation... I've lost my taste for it, but the weird racing heart and anxiety I get with that stimulus will still come back. Instead of slipping into the usual PMO routine, I feel tempted to just sort of dwell or stew on it for a while. And that fetish is (drumroll please)... pregnant women. I honestly don't know if this weird taste pre-dates my porn addiction or not. I can elaborate more if it is of interest, but will leave it out for now because it is largely inconclusive, and would be quite long. I do know that it is a real fetish that exists outside of porn usage. What limited research a person can do on this shows that it is fairly common. It is common enough that there is almost always a sub-category on the major porn sites, PornHub reported very high search numbers at times, pregnant youtubers will get creepers, and there has always been a steady community of people with that fetish online for as long as I can remember even thinking to look. There was even material back in the VHS days; I wasn't a porn user in those days, but having spent years with the fetish I got to know what kind of material was out there. The fetish is common, but for obvious reasons creating the content for it is harder and it is more scarce than other things, so you get a feel for what is out there. A major problem is that this is a fetish that is basically G rated. No, I don't mean that it is a sweet, innocent kind of sexual attraction. I mean that you don't need to turn off safe search to see pictures of pregnant women, and you can run into a pregnant woman anywhere. Grocery store, church, coffee shop, you name it. The past few days were rough. I was checking something on Twitch a while ago, and stumbled on some pregnant streamers. I don't spend much time on Twitch (none really, can't even remember why I was on there now), but that certainly surprised me. This afternoon as I was driving home I saw a woman walking somewhere on the side of the road. She was massively pregnant, and in the eyes of a pregnancy fetishist, top notch. She was on foot, likely uncomfortable, and the weather was bad, so I had thoughts of offering her a ride somewhere. I was a little ways down the road when I realized the real motivation behind my thoughts and what it all meant. It packs a punch. I don't know if I haven't been diligent enough in staying away from those sorts of thoughts and materials, if it just needs more time, or if I'm stuck with it for life. I'm fully aware that we are the test-dummy generation for this. I wish there was more research (or even just good writing) on fetishes so I could have a better grip on what I was dealing with. I know it has some similar triggers as porn in general (loneliness for example), but otherwise because it is something so peculiar to me, it can be hard to predict. It doesn't help that you can see the biggest triggers right out in public. Heck, I still have memories of a year ago or so and seeing an entire pack of pregnant teenagers at a fast food place... why they were all there together and all at the same stage of pregnancy (very late), I have no idea, but there they were. That isn't as easy to avoid as just blocking certain websites. Anyway, not entirely sure why I'm sharing, but since there is a good handful of other "vets" that lurk this board, I thought I'd put it here and see if a discussion ensues. Who knows, if it helps someone else, then it is worth it. Be well, everyone.