This is my Story #recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by chinedu, May 17, 2012.

  1. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    Day 2
    Well its not yet over. I’ve got about 7 hours remaining. But I have realized what guys were saying about waking up to urinate. It happened to me twice this morning. The second time I didn’t even urinate! And I’ve found it a bit hard to wake up these days. I actually want to be waking up early without having to necessarily go somewhere that day. I’ll be starting work hopefully next week so for sure I’ll be waking up early. Today I put my other sim into my blackberry phone(after breaking the other one with that had the blackberry subscription) to check some news on my opera mini browser. Knowing myself so well, this will fastly become a habit or I might as well be using the blackberry again. I might then download ubersocial then I’ll see a picture with some sexual content. I’ll shrug it off and be like why do guys post disgusting stuff onto twitter then along the way I’ll be using some of my money to subscribe for my blackberry and I’ll be back to day 1 in no time. I have to convince myself that I cannot be online on my mobile anymore. I’ve agreed that I’m not matured enough to own a smartphone right now. Maybe later in my recovery when I eventually get a hold of myself and hopefully a girl then I’ll go back on my blackberry. And unfortunately blackberry doesn’t have applications like K9 for iPhone or android. Its somewhat useless in the app department so I’ve got to abstain the crude way.
    Today when I was chatting with one of my friends on whatsapp I realized that we mostly talk about hiphop and girls(wanting to have sex). I also realized that I’ve got a polluted mind. Everybody has some sexual thoughts now and then and I’m sure its perfectly normal but I think about it all the time and imagine very stupid scenarios. Its seriously sad. Another realization was, at a point during one of my attempted reboots, I started losing taste for rap/hip-hop and now I’m right back. Don’t know if this is related to anything but I’m making effort to stop watching rap videos as they have a tendency to show “bitches” in their videos and expose a bit.
    At least I’ve started reading today. I hope this isn’t short-lived unless the boredom will start to creep in. Thinking of where I’m going to keep my smartphone now.

    still on that reboot
     
  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Hey man, are you doing regular exercise?

    Do you have any particular passion or hobby to occupy your mind during the reboot?
     
  3. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    sadly the gym that was close to my house was shut down. I'll be starting work next week so that should keep me busy. I'm reading more though. I think I'll be ok. Work starts by 8am think it ends by 5pm. But you can't be so sure when it comes to triggers. but reading is becoming my hobby
     
  4. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    Day 7
    Time flies. Already on the 7th day. I feel ok I guess. no depression but sadly I played video games today and yesterday. Starting work tomorrow. I'm a little anxious of meeting new people. Don't really have much to report now will keep posting when I get time.
     
  5. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    Day 10
    I have so much to say. so much on my mind and i seriously don't know where to start. but i'll say that i've relapsed a few times since my last post. i thought i wouldn't be able to back on the bandwagon but i'm here. my posts wouldn't be as frequent as others because i'm on trying to go on this internet moratorium; there are too many ways to relapse on the internet:twitter, emails, facebook(sometimes) plus sometimes when i read some journals on this website I get this urge to try out some stuff on it. Like one time i was reading this journal and the person was talking about "erotic stories" so i decided to check some out which eventually lead me to relapse. I seriously want to be involved in everyone's journal as much as the next guy but I'm still on the edge and that my lead to another relapse. I will be doing this until I'm convinced that I can take the heat and that my brain is wired better. my girlfriend is back so hopefully she'll help me get intune with the real deal but things are a little tighter here where I'm from(Nigeria). everyone is a saint meanwhile behind the scenes they are hypocrites. wish things were more open. but my dad knows about my gf but hasn't met her. he says "i should be careful". i have an idea of what he means though. i've got 3 other siblings..basically the house is full and her's as well. i think she wants to lose her virginity though but the venue is a problem. guess we'll find a way.

    Anyyway, I'm still on the reboot trying not to expect too much from reading success stories as we do not have the same bodies and thus, rates of recovery..stay strong my friends!!
     
  6. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    Wow! Its been eons since I posted here. Well I'm back. Still rebooting. I'm on day 38. Currently en route to the capital of ghana to have some fun for the weekend. Who knows I might get laid :D. No pressure. Just great to be back. I've been handling the urges well actually. Been offline for a while but when I'm alone in my room its freaking hard. Ended up watching p yesterday cuz my roomie wasn't around. Not counting it as a relapse. Just want to make this abstinence a lifestyle.

    Yeah, I'm back! Will keep you posted!
     
  7. chinedu

    chinedu Guest

    Day 64
    Well I've got to say that my posts are really spaced out. But hey, I'm still on this reboot right? Its day 64 and wow do I feel great. Don't want to sound too cliche but seriously this no PMO is really lovely. First of all I think I've stopped having mood swings or they aren't that pronounced. Sometimes I start a day in a very bad mood and as the day goes by things light up for me.
    Secondly, since I can't fap I've pushed myself to become more open socially. Its a real test sometimes but I enjoy it, anything is better than wanking.
    Ummm..confidence is high enough. I remember back then when I had the dark passenger, I couldn't walk in public without earphones on. Now I deliberately leave my earphones in my room to interact with people or just to enjoy nature :). Also, I'm getting good at keeping eye contact without looking a way..its becoming a game. That's how I got a girl's number lately. She was talking to her friends but still made out time to glance at me. Almost every minute. It was like I was eyeball fucking her. Anyway I'm glad I talked to her, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and conquering the nice guy syndrome little by little.

    I can't really say too much right now. I guess I'll have to be posting more to give elaborate details on how I feel and how I'm still on this streak. Goodluck though, we can totally beat this!
     
  8. thirst

    thirst New Member

    Howdy, A frame that I use is one of being skill full and unskilful. Rather than good and bad. In a way think of how much you have changed and progressed over this time. A 'relapse' is part of what I like to call a break through or a break down. They can both be great signs of where you loop comes in. Look to what triggered you before your unskilful action. Late nights, stress socially, stress at work, seeing some hot videoclip on TV and etc.

    A little bit of reverse engineering can help.

    All the best.
     

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