I am 34. I was first introduced to P when I was probably 8, by a friend who founds his dad's VHS. I still can remember those images. From there it was a downward spiral, which got much worse after I started living alone (aged 22) and got an broadband connection. In the last 4 years I would M to P probably every day (or at least 4-5 times a week). My tastes changed, and I ended up "liking" and getting aroused by stuff which probably is disgusting to most "normal"people. I've had a few girlfriends, and stable relationships, but as time passed by, I would get less attached to my real girlfriend, I wonder now if P made it impossible for me to love, or to crave for a loving relationship. I also noticed that I was changing, from being a very outgoing and social guy, to a more shy and insecure person. Social anxiety got the best of me. I realized I had a problem while reading "the Brain that changes itself", a book about neuroscience and brain plasticity. I found myself described in the text, getting more extreme tastes, being desensitized, having social anxiety. To make it worst, I got involved in a long distance relationship (how convenient?) which lasted for about 2 years. P was just an excuse to "relief" myself of not having my girlfriend there. But when I was with her I felt no attraction at all. It was sad (and I eventually lost her). Being alone made it worse. A vicious circle, of social anxiety, avoiding people, and PMO binges. I had to stop. In my first try I lasted 42 days, and although it wasnt easy, I could feel some changes. The first and more obvious was more confidence (where does that come from?). The row ended when I had a casual encounter with a girl (one night stand), which led to crave for more of the same, which lead to porn. In my second try I lasted two weeks. I failed while being hungover (I found that those are the worst days, perhaps the brain need for dopamine makes you do anything for a "hi"). I binged, badly, and felt worse, felt worthless, felt like a failure. And started again. My old routine, work, then home, them PMO, then go to sleep. I started to get worried when it escalated to my real life. I started looking for escorts websites, and contacted one (how risky is that?). I did it only once and felt worse (and I couldn't finish with her). So this is me, in my third try. I've been PMO free for 17 days now. Things are getting better, although I feel totally depressed (and some physical discomforts too). What worries me the most is that I actually feel depressed, like my life has no meaning (had it some before?). Regardless, I've read enough evidence, and I do believe this is the way to go. I do hope this sadness will go away, I do hope I will get back to be who I once was. I do hope that life is full of opportunities, and that if I do decide to change for the best, life will be better.