Has anybody else here suffered a traumatic breakup due to being addicted to PMO, whilst in a relationship? I am finding it very difficult to get over my ex of 2 years; I dream about her a lot and think about her all the time. I am wondering if these feelings go away after a reboot or get even more intense. I'm beginning to think I just miss the female affection and real sex I received and not my ex in particular. This is what I have begun to believe in fact. I am also wondering whether I should just become emotionally involved with other women whilst rebooting to fill that emotional void and help me to get over my ex. Has anyone else gotten completely over their ex after a reboot? This is very difficult for me to deal with right now; that and having no friends/no job makes life so miserable.
"I'm beginning to think I just miss the female affection and real sex I received and not my ex in particular". Nailed it. You're thinking about your ex because your mind relates her to these things. I'm pretty sure you''ll be totally over her as soon as you find another woman. About actually getting yourself involved with another woman... are you ready for it? Have you made any consistant progress on your addiction, so that the story won't repeat itself? I don't think getting over an ex is directly related to the reboot process either. I'd say you can accomplish one without (or before) accomplishing the other. And you probably don't need me to say it, but you should REALLY get a job or any other occupation to fill your days. Staying at home all day is the worst thing a man can do to himself. It will make your reboot 100% harder, maybe even impossible.
I really do believe that once I find another woman I will get over her as I am certain that I just miss the female affection/sex. But I also miss all her idiosyncracies, like her smile, her smell, her uniqueness, her mannerisms and the endearing nicknames she gave me whilst we were still together; in fact those are what I miss the most, not the sex and affection. As for a job- it's not that I haven't been trying to get one...it is just very difficult to secure one right now where I live (which I won't disclose), due to the economy/competition and the lack of jobs available for IT graduates/web developers (which I am qualified in).
Another woman will also have a smile, smell, uniqueness and mannerisms of her own. Once you met one and open yourself to the relationship these aspects will overcome reminiscences of your ex. I once broke up in bad terms with a girl and even though I didn't loved her I missed her a lot at the time. I was feeling' excruciatingly lonely and she was my first thought whenever I'd think about such things. She was "fresh" in my memory. I forgot about her a few months later. Now if you can't get a job, find something you can attend to. Anything at all. I can't stress this enough. Staying at home, stuck into empty things to kill your time while life happens outside is worse than any addiction. It's an addiction by itself.
IT and web development you say? In belgium those are very high paying degrees. Can't you start something temporarily on your own? Through the internet? You can basically get customers everywhere. I've got to get myself a job as well. Staying at home is just a mental burden.
I agree with the other guys on here. You need to get a job, even if its not the one you want. Maybe a voluntary job would help. I've a job but I'm in a similar situation to you. I can't get my ex out of my head either. I know what you are going through but you'll get there. We both will.
I know I need a job...I really want one, preferably with an IT company to gain experience etc. I am also doing my own stuff on the side (mostly creating my own web sites/scripts) as I have my own dedicated server/VPS. My long-term goal is to set up my own web-based business and aim to achieve it as well as be free from PMO for good. It's time to get out of this hell hole and start living life.
I'd suggest you take the notebook outside the house to work. Go to a quiet bar or something, so you can't slip into PMO while working.
Yes. I think about her almost every day even 18 months after. Every day i fantasize about cursing that psycho bitch out and telling her what a manipulative narcissistic cunt she is. Before i slit her throat. True story.
I'm glad my ex wasn't like that. She was a great girl and a great catch. But my PMO addiction which I couldn't control destroyed our connection and she fell out of love with me and didn't ever want to hook up again.
I still think about, and dream about, my ex from way back in 2004. I don't think so much about the other women I had relationships with after her. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think I loved this one. That's one of the problems with porn, it stopped me recognizing my love for her. All I knew while I was with her was the insatiable hole inside me left by porn. Contrary to what a lot of guys will tell you, I don't think you can forget your ex by having meaningless sexual encounters. I think it's a healthy sign if you miss her, and that you can get over her with time. I think the best thing to do is find a meaningful relationship. I recommend the film 'Swingers' if you haven't seen it.
I knew a IT guy who started on a factory production line but ended up in the IT dept. He started doing small repairs/installs and got noticed from there. Anyway employers like guys in jobs looking to move up the career ladder.
I wouldn't allow myself to settle for less than I'm qualified for; I think a lot more highly of myself than that, even though I have a PMO addiction.
Just had yet another, rather vivid dream about me and the ex meeting and getting back together. Her wrapping her arms around me and saying how much she missed me. Then I woke up crying my eyes out, realising it was all a dream. God, this shit is so difficult to cope with. It really is. I'm really hoping that when I have another woman in my life that all these thoughts/dreams about her will disappear.
They will. Nature has prepared us to get the fuck over ourselves and move on, so we can continue to seek a proper mate.
I feel your pain, I went through a lot of this myself, and still am occasionally. I think it's important to recognize your true feelings for the one you lost. PMO can dull our emotions, and so leave us in denial about what really happened, and what went wrong, which is not good. it took me around a year or more before such feelings came up. So consider your progress good! I do believe in time the memory will become a small thread in your own tapestry, never forgotten, but not the overwhelming thing it is now. Finding a good partner will help. I'm not a trained counselor, just my thoughts.
