think about it too much

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by anewme, Jul 28, 2015.

  1. anewme

    anewme Member

    Ok so I've come to realize that my emotions are a huge problem. I have to get these under control without porn. I have a hard time dealing with them and just numb them with porn or something else. It's time to handle myself and look in to this. There is no way I can ever lead a good life without it. I can't turn to meaningless relationships either. I have to lean on my family and friends to get me through this. No more complaining and no more excuses. I blame my ex for stuff when it was me that kept holding on to her. It's my life to live and my decisions to make. God help me to be happy.
     
  2. anewme

    anewme Member

    I do this for brighter days. Today was definitely not one of them. But these are the days that have to exist for the good ones to happen so I have to embrace it I guess. For years I've let my porn use dull my feelings. For years I've been indecisive and afraid to make decisions. For years I've stayed in bad relationships because I felt that I couldn't do better. I am a person of worth. We all are. I've read that journaling is one of the secrets of happy people. I've done it in the past and had pretty good results. The key is to focus on what you are thankful for. At least for some of the post. Well I'm thankful for the good people in my life and I love them very much. I'm thankful for all the chances I've given myself proving to me that I am a good person inside. Even if I don't feel like it sometimes. I still know it's true. It does feel good to get your feelings out and just vent. I will learn about me and my emotions and I will continue to get better each day. Even when I relapse. It's about liking who you are and I will strive each day to do just that. This community is great and I hope we can all get out of it what we want. Even if that means just getting to know ourselves and liking ourselves a little bit more.
     
  3. anewme

    anewme Member

    Good day yesterday. Rough day today. It is the bad days that when you get home you want a fix. A drink for some, pot for some, for me... you guessed it porn. This will not be the case today though. I am trying to actively build a better life for myself. I need to get my finances in order and my emotions in check. Porn only hinders my willpower and resolve to do this. I think I will try to relax and just forget about it. I am trying to visualize a life where I can enjoy myself without artificial stimulation. I have to visualize the life I want. It's kinda hard because I am not sure what I want. I want to come home to a loving girlfriend or wife and maybe a dog. I guess it's a start. I can't make my girlfriend my whole life though. I've fallen into that trap before and it doesn't end well. I need to build up other areas of my life as well. Happy days to all of you.
     
  4. anewme

    anewme Member

    Binged over weekend. Feel pretty good after one day free from porn now though. Growth comes from leaving my comfort zone. Live a full life and most of all enjoy it. Love something about every day. You'll get there. Enjoy the journey.
     
  5. anewme

    anewme Member

    Wow. I love to look back and read these. Meditation every day is my goal right now. Trying very hard to be mindful and love the girl I have. Always looking to grow.
     
  6. anewme

    anewme Member

    The meditation is going good. I'm more mindful and connected every day. I'm doing great with no Pmo. I'm going through a lot of changes in life. I've always been afraid of change. Perhaps that's why I've been stuck. I have to remember that I'm doing this for me and I'll be great. The benefits with my girl will come.
     
  7. anewme

    anewme Member

    Day 10 of no pmo. It was a great day mood wise. Feeling so upbeat. I know there will be more ups and downs, but it's been so much better than last week. Also, I have been getting enough sleep, so that helps. Overall though, things are getting so much better already. This is good. This is me.
     
  8. anewme

    anewme Member

    Day 13 of no pmo. Don't miss the porn or even the o. Miss the numb. Emotions are flooding me!

    Great note of success: came from a blowjob last night! It's been so long. Things are getting better! Still some relationship issues, but I'm holding on to hope and faith. Calling therapist back. Hopefully she can help me.
     
  9. anewme

    anewme Member

    Day 17. Feeling blah.
     

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