Ok so I've come to realize that my emotions are a huge problem. I have to get these under control without porn. I have a hard time dealing with them and just numb them with porn or something else. It's time to handle myself and look in to this. There is no way I can ever lead a good life without it. I can't turn to meaningless relationships either. I have to lean on my family and friends to get me through this. No more complaining and no more excuses. I blame my ex for stuff when it was me that kept holding on to her. It's my life to live and my decisions to make. God help me to be happy.