Just cannot believe that I am so infrequent a visitor to this place. Working on my issues I have such a sense of entitlement. I deserve so many things and they are denied me. Yet I can reason, I can sit here and I can say without any hint of deceit that I have so much going for me, yet in a couple of hours time I can convince myself that I am hard done by and that I deserve more. Which is the real me? The fact that I can come here as sporadically as I do is a gift. Being able to read other people's posts as I occasionally do is a very real gift. There are other things in my life that could have been denied to me yet I look at something else belonging to someone else and I am full of envy. The envy causes me pain, seeing a woman I feel lifted up, she goes and I loose altitude, reading the newspaper I catch a phrase that lifts me up then I descend again. Eventually I get so low that P. becomes an option. I take that option and it all looks so much more attractive until I put it down and reality really does wake me up. Only for me to fall into the self same trap again. After yesterday's defeat I have been very anti-social. Mrs Heron suggested that we go to the library and shopping, when we got to town it was just shopping because that was all we had time for. Eldest fledgling has been put down several times. His mother has been irritated and I have made him feel worse. I even caused a scene because I did not want him to get his own way. Honestly, for the sake of not spoiling today I should have been somewhere else. Hopefully today has to be endured so that I can become better. Fly well and may I meet you soaring on wings like eagles.