They Shall Soar on Wings Like Eagles

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GreyHeron, Nov 6, 2013.

  1. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    If there are many things to change maybe work on one or two priorities?
     
  2. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi GreyHeron, the big things to feel gratitude about are easy to spot. However, don’t forget there are lots of smaller things as well. Whether it’s the day’s weather, being able to eat certain foods, pieces of music etc.
     
  3. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Gratitude is something that I must work on. I get out of the shower in the morning and I am grateful for many things. Throughout the day I start to feel that I am so hard done by.I need to consciously make the effort to be grateful.
    The boys came home on Wednesday and within a few hours we felt tired. Thursday was OK. But by Friday it was a very different problem. Friday was very hot, I could smell the hard landscaping heating up, my wife really did struggle to cope with the heat. What I did not realise straight away was that was letting her attitude affect mine. Without acknowledging what I was doing I was trying to deny her feelings and jolly her out of her mood. Her mood has spoilt today too, but I was aware enough not to let it bother me. I did let her trigger me to do something that I did not really want to do today. She suggested that I do something that I wanted to get my teeth into, I said that I had another higher priority task to do first, which frustrated her, so I went to doing priority two with bad grace then I got moody wife because I was doing a much more grand job of task two and according to her this was yet another occasion when I have deliberately misunderstood her, which actually it was not.
    I am glad to say I am still clean, all though by the skin of my teeth.

    Peace and every good
     
    positivef and Mad Dog like this.
  4. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi, I am here once again. A combination of pleasantly content with my life and a sense that life is unjust. I am still not getting the hang of this idea to identify one priority and to deal with it before attempting another one. I also do not understand the concept of space to enjoy life, I see most things as being in pursuit of something else. When something happens to relax I get fidgety to be doing. Coming here is like that, something I feel obliged to do. I have picked up a book that I am interested in, I believe that undertaking the exercises might help to engage with the text, but now that I have taken action the book has morphed into an obligation.
    I took the boys out in a canoe we hired on Monday, 'A' coached his brother some of the time and tried the same on me but I resisted. So he chilled. He tried the same this morning when we had a whole family bike ride. I worry that he is mimicking the mistakes I made with him when he was younger, and that he will recreate the same if he had children of his own.

    Peace and every good
     
  5. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    I think gratitude is something that pretty much everyone has to work on. It’s a bit like exercise, we must keep doing it until it becomes a habit.

    I get the point about coming here sometimes feeling like an obligation. It’s also similar when I have to read an article or something that I think will help my reboot. I. Have to keep reminding myself that I have to work on the reboot, and that I won’t get better unless I do so.
     
  6. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi All, I must concentrate on doing what is right. Doing what is wrong is so attractive, I feel that I have resisted the temptation but also compromised at other times. The times that I am compromising are giving me a little lift which is not good to admit. I dreamt a very soft erotic dream recently, before I noticed that I was struggling, in the morning I had discharged on the sheets.

    Yesterday I felt that I had given precedence to something less urgent that other things I wanted to do. As this situation was getting worse I became mad at myself. When I came downstairs I created a story that my wife was doing what I was angry at myself for doing, this was probably true, and she had not done something that I wanted done in my absence to catch up. Somehow she picked up on this feeling or she was in a mood herself as when we went to bed we were not being civil. I am not aware of having told her what was wrong because I was aware that I had my own issues. I observed from that how my mood made the whole evening worse.

    Peace and every good
     
  7. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I have been stuck analysing my mood again this afternoon. I started a conversation with my wife, she did not answer the opening question within the acceptable range, so I deployed sarcasm and in the ensuing discussion we alighted on the matter of money. Whereupon I made more trouble for myself. If I had been on here on Thursday I would have expressed an optimism that I wanted to get lucky this weekend. I have blown that away today. I was scrabbling about during the afternoon trying to find a way to apologise to my wife I knew that it was something that I should do. I could not see that whilst the sentiment behind what I said was accurate the words I used gave a different message. We come to financial discussions entrenched in our opposing opinions and we defend these rather than looking to occupy the middle ground. Lancing the boil of what I had done wrong she said some interesting things about me that I hope she is behind the times on. I shall continue to build bridges, and hope that she makes the effort too.

    Peace and every good
     
  8. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    It’s good that you are able to take a step back and analyse your moods. I think a lot of folks don’t do that, they just assume it’s something that comes and goes and can’t be controlled. However, I may be assuming that!
     
  9. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Clovis I do find it hard to steer the ship but yes I do like to think that I do not accept my moods as beyond my influence. Unfortunately at the moment you find me struggling to see how, or is that why, to try resolving the issues in my marriage. I have shared my concerns with her but she does not see that it is important to deal with what I am saying.

    Peace and every good.
     
  10. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    It’s a tricky situation where your partner is not on the same page as you. I’m not in that situation now, but have been in the past. I guess that the more we work on ourselves, then the more our partner may see positive changes in ourselves and that may lead to them questioning what they do, and perhaps even making changes themselves. However, it may take a long time.

    Keep going with your own reboot, it’s one thing you can control.
     
  11. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I have come here today because I am feeling it, really feeling it.

    In the past I have mused about training to become a Scout leader. I worry that I just do not have the energy or the time, witness the number of times that I come here and whinge that my wife is lazy. She would not support me if I chose to follow through on this.
    Something has been written on the troop's virtual message board, my reaction is a strong one and if I share it with anyone involved I fear that I might stir up trouble. I wonder if this is the passion and purpose which will get me out of P and into real life. She has not wound me up this evening but I am not sure how I would have reacted to my wife this evening. I am experiencing energy that could easily spill over in an unhealthy way. I believe that I have said here the cause of me being angry on a Friday night may stem from an unacknowledged desire to fulfill this role. I do not see myself as capable but I do see that it might be the only way to get over this thing.
     
    positivef likes this.
  12. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Your post is kind of cryptic. Being a Scout leader could be a positive thing. Sometimes we don't know what we are capable of, or how we will feel in different situations. You could try it for a bit and see if it works for you?
     
  13. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi PositiveF, Quite true. Talking like that is quitting before I have begun. My post was trying to express that I have had a strong conviction in the past, and I have ignored it. It was also trying to express that I may have made myself unhappy by not acknowledging that this passion exists. At the same time I also have examples of times when I was not really into what I was doing and how these did not go well.

    Peace and every good
     
  14. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    I think we’ve all got to look out for the sort of self-talk.
     
  15. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I want to watch my attitude to my wife, am I 'infatuated', 'ambivalent' or plain 'irritated'?, because I wonder if these are indicators of wider issues. Those issues may be with her they may be with other aspects of my life.

    I am noticing a conflict in my thinking, on the one hand I am endeavouring not to react to life with too much emotion but at the same time I feel that I must not deny what is happening, how life is stirring me. I feel that these two positions are contradictory. Any thoughts on this?

    Touching on denial and honesty, I spent an hour looking at P last night. The anticipation was more powerful than the act. I guess I could create the same kick now by promising myself that I will do it again tonight as a reward for getting on with those things that I should today. Just like my erotic dreams of late I was most affected by the more innocent videos. The stronger stuff held no attraction.

    Peace and every good
     
  16. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

     
  17. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Sorry, but I fear that I may have not expressed myself clearly enough. I am practicing meditation, some days better than others. At the moment I am concerned that if I detach too well, will I become blind to suffering in the world? Like racism is wrong but it is what we are served today so today it must be right.
     
  18. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    I shouldn’t be too concerned about detaching from the world. Just concentrate on the meditation when you are doing it, and then focus on your daily life the rest of the time. You will still be aware of the suffering going on in the world and around you, but perhaps a little less caught up in it. I don’t mean that you are indifferent to it, but a lot of times we get caught by the news or something bad happening and there is nothing we can actually do in the moment about that situation, and ruminating on that can make us feel bad - which neither helps us or the situation that caused it.

    I hope that makes sense.
     
  19. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi, I was not meaning to post here tonight intended to simply read others and post if moved to encourage them.
    Today has been different drove for two hours to meet a colleague from another office primarily to provide second pair of hands. In the preparation and during the day I felt the urge to not remain aloof but also there was a fear that I might lurch into inappropriate territory. The work was a lovely excuse to slow right down and appreciate the moment. Then I drove home and got caught up in the haste and urgency of my usual work.

    Something that I am reflecting on, I watch Joshua Becker on YouTube, he challenges me to do without things. Several years ago I wrote a series of posts here where I said that I have too much to do in the evening and that my wife just does not care. Some advice I was offered that I thought was well intentioned but not necessary was to lower my cleaning standards. In a recent video Joshua said that we should maintain good cleaning standards, we might deep clean if we were trying to sell our property so why should we not live in a deep cleaned home now? At first I thought this was counter to the ethos of his videos. Then giving it some thought I came to realise that I was reacting because I strongly agreed with him. I bristle at things my wife does not do and until now I would genuinely say that it does not matter. Only now do I acknowledge that I want to live in a cleaner house than I do now.

    Peace and every good
     

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